Way-Out Wednesday: All Killer, No Glitter!

Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!




Because we're way nerdy up in this piece, I'm all for promoting reading when I can. A good murder mystery or crime novel (aka: "bad girls", "dope fiends", "jailbait" and other such delinquents of the 1950's) is always good. But really, vampires, werewolves and zombies make not only the best horror movies, but are classic good reads. Best of all, the cover art is phenomenal! "Phenomenal" as in: really, spectacularly cheesy in the best and most gloriously campy way. So I thought I'd get a little "Reading Is Fundamental" on your asses and show off a good read. Perhaps delve you into the swingin' world of 1960's vampires, when vampires were real and bad ass, before they cashed in on the scene and became vegans made out of glitter:




Hmm. It would seem Vlad waxed his chest for this special occasion. Apparently he wants to show you his West Side Vampires Represent neck tattoo. While I fully endorse the use of matching blue velvet cape sets, I'm a little confused. Where's the terror? Where's the blood and guts? Where's the sacrificial virgins?! And why is Kenny Rogers there in the background so angry?! Damn you, John Burke! Damn you straight to hell. Or to Forks, Washington.


Vintage 1967 Hammer Horror Paperback available on Etsy from seller Sophie Hardy's Vintage.

Prints Charming Sunday: A Beautiful Bunch O' Ripe Banana!

Welcome to Prints Charming Sunday!




When you hear Harry Belafonte belt out that very first "Daaaay-O!", don't you guys *instantly* think of the dinner party scene in Beetlejuice? You know, this one?



You should, if you're a retro pop culture/80's movie nerd like myself! Why did I ask such a random and seemingly pointless question, you wonder? (Have you not yet realised that there's always a (albeit cheesy) connection with the day's theme to my seemingly pointless and rambling thoughts? It's the new genius, people.) So when I first laid eyes upon today's vintage novelty print, I heard Harry in my head. And then I thought of Beetlejuice. And then I thought "damn, this is cool", in that precise order.






See? "Daaay-O!" It's really cool and uber awesome for summer, no? This Vintage 50's Calypso Novelty Print Skirt is currently available for a mere 58 bucks and in a very wearable 29" waist from seller Crafty Crow Vintage.

Knit Wits, Part 10: Premenopausal In Pink.

You know, it's been a while since we explored the strangeness of vintage sweater patterns, so it's high time we delve into the wacky antics of pattern people. Thanks to Elanknits on Etsy for offering this Vintage 1949 Stitchcraft Sweater Pattern for inspiration!


I now bring you: Premenopausal in Pink...





Duckie had finally accepted the fact that his last resort for a prom date was his Mom. He could accept the fact that Andie likes a tool who'll toss her ass to the curb the second his foot hits Harvard ground. He could accept the fact that his HMO only covers 2 therapy sessions a month from the mental anguish posing with his mom for his prom picture will cause. What he couldn't quite accept was the motel room key his mom slipped into his pocket on the dance floor during the Electric Slide.

Aqua Blue Heaven Friday: The Bucket List.

What with spring in full...full...you know, full springness and all, I figure many of us are spending lots of time outdoors. Not me though. I hate outdoors. I do love to garden my face off, but after that nature and I don't see eye-to-eye. However I don't mind a good laze-about with a book on the patio. Preferably with drinks. No, always with drinks. That's where cute, vintage ice buckets come in handy! So it'll be no shock and/or surprise to know that vintage aqua-hued ice buckets is our theme for today!




Vintage Aqua Stripes Ice Bucket available on Etsy from seller I'm So Vintage.





Vintage 50's/60's Aqua Ice Bucket from Etsy seller Selling Vintage. I love the attached kickstand on it! Or whatever it's called. I'm not good with the fancy-like words and such.







May I point out the awesomeness of the bull's head hardware? Well I just did. And may I also point out the randomness of scattered maryjane candies? I don't know what the significance is, but I like it. Don't mess with my candy, man. In fact, those better come with this Vintage 50's/60's Aqua Ice Bucket on Etsy from seller Sweet Love Vintage or someone'll get the horns. Get it? The random movie reference and a crappy pun? Hey, it's friday. I'm allowed.

Way-Out Wednesday: The Cinco De Mayo Edition!

Welcome to a special edition of Way-Out Wednesday for Cinco de Mayo!





When I was searching for something kickass for today's Mexican theme, I didn't feel like schlepping through a million Day of the Dead items on etsy, and besides, that wasn't exactly what I was looking for anyway. I wanted something vintage and a little "out there", you know? I wanted something little. Yellow. Different. (If you're under the age of 30 you probably won't get that random tv commercial reference.) So's then I think I find the something I was looking for. But I was all "Why the fark would someone paint a luchador mask on a vintage hairdresser's bust?! What a friggin' moron." But after seeing more pictures of it, I realised that it was was something completely different. It was awesomeness.


Behold, my amigos, this Vintage Mexican Luchador Chalkware Bust:




Ay, dios mio! This is so cool. I loves me some vintage chalkware and I know you guys do too, but this is totally out of my realm. It seems roughly 1950s to me, judging by the face and the "Mexico" signature, but chalkware can be hard to date and looks pretty much the same from the 50's to the 70's, so I could be way off. Whatevs. Either way, it's strange and unusual and being as though I myself am strange and unusual, I love this thing! (Another random movie reference for you. Sorry. That's enough.)


Even has great detailing to the back!...




I wonder if anyone has info about busts like this? (I just said "busts like this", heh heh heh.)

Atomic Tuesday: You Light Up My Life...And Creep Me Out A Little.

Welcome to Atomic Tuesday!




Today's vintage pick simultaneously makes me full of joy and irks the bejesus outta me. You'll see what I mean...






Bam! (Wow. How Emeril of me. Sorry about that.)

You know what I love about it? Orange, of course! Plus the classic, mid-century modern shape. And the cute, tripod legs (and don't think I can't bang out half a dozen filthy "tripod" jokes, because I totally can.) I've got a thing for vintage lamps like this Vintage 60's MCM Plastic Bubble Lamp so this feeds my obsession nicely. But then there's *something* about it that make me a little skeeved...




There it is. The rational side of me knows it's *supposed* to look like bubbles, but the wackjob side of me thinks the texture of the plastic looks like creepy fish skin. (Have I mentioned I'm terrified of fish? Seriously. Can't swim in water that has fish in it. And yes, I'm aware of my mental fuckuppery, thankyouverymuch.) But mostly it reminds me of Falkor, the Luckdragon- the somehow scaly-yet-furry talking flying dog thing. You know, from the 1984 movie-of-nerdy-kidtastic-awesomeness, The Neverending Story? (Yes, I'm still aware of my mental fuckuppery, thankyouverymuch.)

Way-Out Wednesday: Giving The Finger.

Welcome to a very special (read: not so much "special" as terrifying) Way-Out Wednesday!




What's creepy as hell and somehow marvelous at the same time? This creepy/marvelous Vintage Plastic Display Finger:







Seriously.


It's like Willy Wonka and a Clockwork Orange met, fell in love and had a baby.


You stick it to the wall and hang stuff from the finger.




Seriously.

Heart-Shaped Fox

This is not something I normally write about, but after watching the Fantastic Mr. Fox, I feel the need to have an unsolicited movie review today, given the movie's retro-inspired moments and sarcastic humor- 2 things we do very well around here. No spoilers, so no worries. Hell, it's not even a proper movie review. More like me telling you why you'll like it.

For reasons I can't remember, we totally missed seeing the Fantastic Mr. Fox when it was in theaters. Perhaps my inner psyche purposely made me miss it, because honestly I thought the movie looked ho-hum. So the very 1st day the movie came to Netflix last week, I jumped on it. Turns out, it was a swank and cool unexpected surprise of a movie.



The first 5 minutes of the movie shows Mr. Fox listening to “The Ballad of Davy Crockett” on his radio, and I was instantly hooked. And then there's the thievery and the one-liners and the monotone, dry delivery of jokes and the obscure movie references that only adults would understand (ie: the line from Rebel Without a Cause and the greaser rat who carries a switchblade and dances a scene from West Side Story). Plus, there's the George Clooney. Oh, the dreamy George Clooney. (How is possible that he can make a cartoon animal hot by just lending his voice?! Damn.) It was like Ocean's Eleven for kids with stop-motion claymation, backed by an even more unexpected, retro soundtrack by Wes Anderson which includes Burl Ives, the Rolling Stones, The Beach Boys and Bobby Fuller Four. Pretty smart way of sneaking in a little music appreciate for kids! But even if you're void of ankle-biters in the household, I think adults can easily sit down and watch it and I guarantee you'll appreciate the plot, the music, and the Clooney.

Prints Charming Sunday: The Key To My Heart-On

Welcome to Prints Charming Sunday, bringing you the kitschiest, wackiest and most awesomest vintage novelty prints around! Also, I promise no more lame & corny "heart-on" jokes. At least, not until Valentine's Day. Actually, I promise nothing. I like corny too much. It's how we roll around here.

Today's vintage novelty print is, as I'm sure you've guessed by now, tres apropos for Valentine's Day. I was thinking: what about men? And then I thought: What About Bob? (See? Always with the corny around here.)

Can I get a witness? Today's pick is this set of Vintage 60's Heart & Key Print Men's Pajamas, in a pretty dang hard to find XXL size, no less:



I wish there was a proper close-up in the listing, but around some of the hearts it says: "Here's the key to my heart". Gag. I know. But it's only once a year, so you men can just get over the cutesy factor and wear something sweet & sappy (and vintage!) for your woman!

Knit Wits, Part 3: Meet Me At The Peach Pit

"Tiffany, I figure this is as good a time as any to tell you...I'm gay. Also, I just landed my first real acting gig, playing "Peach Pit Dishwasher #3" on Beverly Hills 90210. If I really prove myself, I may be able to move up to the role of "Brandon Walsh's Sideburn Double". You what they say: you gotta suck a lot of....well, you of all people know how to get ahead in this biz."


"Oh, Rick. I knew it all along. But I also have my own Hollywood plans. I just scored a totally awesome role too, playing "Side Ponytail Stand-In" for Kristy Swanson on some movie about a teenage vampire-slayer. Wicked, right? I guess doing all those splits in a cheerleader skirt finally paid off."

1970's Spiegal Walks The Line...Fembots Not Included

You know I can't resist a good vintage catalog to mock. Usually Spinnerin mags are my game but I don't know, Spiegal (of all things!) is starting to raise in ranks on the scale-o-cheese. I never really gave the history of Spiegal a second thought. Or a first, really. But apparently their roots go back as far as the late 1800's (I did not know that) and are tied to Eddie Bauer and Newport News. I look about as normal wearing that stuff as a PTA mom dressed in head-to-toe patent leather catsuit and a matching ball gag. (Note to self: Start death metal band. Name it "Sado-Masochistic PTA Moms".)

But that's neither here nor there. The fact is, Spiegal has had mail order catalogues around for a long-ass time and this is the first I've ever run across one. Behold the majesty and wonderment Spiegal offered the masses in 1971:



Wow. I mean...good god, man. It's a bit like a car crash, isn't it? So horrifically gruesome yet you can't stop looking. Those are some...sigh...hot ensembles you ladies are rocking. But now we see where the inspiration for Austin Powers came from. "Always a step ahead", you say? Umm. Suuuure. We'll just go with that.


But I wonder what sort of exotic fabrics and luxurious details the suits have?...



Acrylic and elastic waists, because, of course they are.


But wait, there's more! Spiegal has so much more to offer than just ladies' casual lounge slacks! Spiegal is tops when it comes to the modern hi-fi record machines and super hep to the rock and/or roll sounds of what the kids are into these days! See?...



A Johnny Cash record album AND a red, white & blue patriotic home turntable? Oh, Spiegal. You had me at "Stereo-Phono"...

Wait a second...before I hand over my Diners Club card, lemme just read the fine print here...



Johnny Cash for your "mod mood"? Say WHA?! Oh, Spiegal. You don't know me. You don't know me at all. Looks like I'm a one-Spinnerin kind of gal after all.


(Thanks to Camp Vintage, who currently is offering this vintage Spiegal for sale!)

Atomic Tuesday: Material Girl

Welcome to this week's Atomic Tuesday! I'm gonna keep this short and sweet today, because it's been so sweltering lately that motivation quickly turns to slack, and, wait, OK, so that happens even when it's not jungle-like outside, but it really is especially hard to concentrate and work and be an adult when it's 95 degrees out and all you're thinking about is how good it would be to turn your Slushie from 7-11 into a vodka cherry Slushie. (And don't even tell me I'm the only one who thinks about that at 10:00 in the morning....right?....Right?!) I mean, really, people. It's hot. White hot. (Ha! Did you see how I threw out that random "Pretty in Pink" reference? Did you see that there? Clever, right?! Not so much? Well who asked you anyway? I will quote random 80's movies until the cows come home and you will like it and don't make me pull this car over or I'll show you kids what-for!) Great. See?! The humidity's already gotten to my brain functioning-properly parts and inner dialogue is beginning to unravel, so let's move on before I start arguing with the voices again, shall we? Let's roll.


Today's Atomic Tuesday is something that I know most if you 50's-lovin' girlies and crafty, sew-y chickie types can appreciate: the Vintage Fabric. The possibilities are endless with a kitschy scrap-o-material. Homemade drapes? Too easy. A barkcloth tote bag? Girl, please. A vodka bottle cozy? Now you're talking my language, kid. So without further whatever, the atomic-print vintage fabric:






Vintage 50's/60s Brown Atomic Barkcloth Fabric




Vintage 50's/60's Starburst Barkcloth Fabric- with gold paint stripes & stars. Gold paint! Who doesn't love that?! So shiny...so glimmery...my precioussss.....




And my favorite, this Vintage 50's Crazy Cool Atomic Barkcloth Fabric, with squiggles and polky dots and hourglass-shaped dealies and leaf-like type of thingies. How can you not love this? Well I'm sorry, but if you're not into dealies and thingies and whatevers, I just don't know you.




"Material Girl" by Madonna.

Some Kind Of Wonderful

Sigh, again with the bad news.

Early today, 80's teen flick phenom John Hughes died at the age of 59. You might, nay, you better know him as the writer/director/producer of freaking classics like Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, the Breakfast Club, Nation Lampoon's Vacation, Ferris Bueller's Day Off...and about a jillion other movies that cheesehead dorks like me quote on pretty much a daily basis. His absence will, without a doubt, leave a big ol' void in the cinematic world that will be impossible to fill. We will miss you, John.

..."You're going the wrong way!!!"...

Atomic Tuesday: Girls Just Want To Have Lunch

Welcome to this week's Atomic Tuesday! I recently bought a vintage napkin holder- aqua plastic with silver starbursts on it (I know! Could you die of awesome?!) and while tooling around online I found the exact same one, except in white. Sweet. Ok, so it's not exactly the same. Boo! But come on, a starburst-y napkin holder kicks all kinds of ass no matter what color it is, am I right? Sweet. So that inspired me to find more napkin-y goodness. Sadly, there is not what I would call a plethora of them out there. Boo! But I did find a couple pretty cool ones, so I bring you: the vintage napkin holder. And we're back to sweet.

(And PS: "Girls Just want to Have Lunch" is the closest song I could find that was even remotely related to today's theme. Try to find a song about napkins. There are none! Songwriters of the world, what gives, you slackers?! Please don't negate our forgotten household accessories. They play a vital role in kitchen maintenance and deserve our love and respect. This has been a Public Service Announcement from The Girl Can't Help It.)




Vintage 50's Atomic Starburst Napkin Holder. This is the one! This is exactly like the one I just bought myself! I want this one too. Don't needs it, wants it...wants the preciousssss...(if anyone gets that reference, welcome to the Nerd Club I'm not starting!)





Vintage Gold Metal Napkin Holder. A star and a little atomic starburst at the same? Won't the world come to an end as we know it? Like if Clark Kent and Superman showed up at the same place at the same time. Impossible, yes. Exactly my point. (What?)



"Girls Just Want To Have Lunch” by Weird Al Yankovic, of course.

Way-Out Wednesday: Freebird

Today's Way-Out Wednesday is all about the owl. The stinking freaking owl. I'm seeing them everywhere, which is funny because I thought the whole owl trend was SO last year, so either the area I live in is much more behind the times than I figured (and I live in a college town, go figure) or those stinking freaking hipsters can't think of any other retro thing to to ironically make less cool so they stick with what they know. Or maybe the college hipsters around here are not very good at it. Whatever the reason, I can't really say I'm a fan. Not that I have anything against owls, they serve their purpose and all, what with teaching us about pollution (stupid hippie owls) and the proper way to eat a Tootsie Pop. And where would we be without the invention of the LOL cat (LOL owl?) picture that every hypernerd uses as his avatar that says "O RLY?"


(There ya go. This is what I mean, for you people with a life who don't spend 20 hours a day on the computer.)


So today we're rocking the owls one last time, a symbolic heave-ho, like a Viking funeral. You know, but...not. And anyway, these beauties I found aren't just any owls, not hipster owls (like those big honking necklaces and baby tees they buy at Claire's or Hot Topic or whatever stupid store they shop in to buy that crap). These owls are the real fugly/awesome deal, bona fide vintage 70's. And all wall hangings, so you can decorate your house extra pretty-like. Sigh. You're welcome, I'm sure.




I'm pretty sure this wooden owl family hate you.





MAN, I don't know what you did to piss off the owl community, but this angry couple hates you too.





Well that's better. These guys are a happy bunch, aren't they? And while I do luurve this color, lime green is...um, fitting? for owls. Actually, I think this green couple ate some bad field mice. I feel sorry for the guy who parked his car under these guys.





The first rule of Flight Club is: you do not talk about Flight Club. Second rule: never, under any circumstances, participate in Flight Club activities after dropping acid.






These two owl babysitters, all alone on the 40 acre farm, were in an utter state of panic and shock when they discovered the call was coming from inside the barn.






"So then after dinner, he says he "forgot" the concert tickets up in his apartment and we just need to run up there for a minute to grab them. So we go up to his apartment and...shh, hold on a second Francine...umm, excuse me? Can I help you with something or are you just gonna pretend you're not listening in on our conversation?...I swear Francine, humans are the rudest. Anyway, like I was saying, we're up in his apartment and..."







"Freebird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Thanks For The Memories

Now that Maria shipped off all 7 of those snarky Von Trapp bastards to boarding school, the insurance policy was in place and both the deed to the cottage in the Swiss Alps as well as the title to the '68 Karmann Ghia were in her name, all that was left was to "take care" of the Captain. But how? He's a tough nut to crack. Even the Nazis couldn't catch him, and lord knows Maria tried setting him up numerous times, even going to the lengths of orchestrating an elaborate chase scene through a convent. Rolling his ass down the mountain into traffic would look too obvious. A-ha! Maria knew the plan. Knowing his girlish affection for a certain flower, Maria would slowly poison him by dousing his daily Edelweiss boutonniere with mustard gas. That gets rid of him, the anklebiters would eventually meet their untimely demise at boarding school through a "freak singing accident" in which their vocal cords somehow get cut in the alley by a gang of paid assassins and she'd be on her way to Catalina with the man servant Hans. Ahh...it's a great day to be a nun-turned nanny-turned Nazi spy-turned wife-turned murderer.


*Vintage 60's pulp fiction harlequin romance paperback, courtesy of Virginia Jane.

"Thanks for the Memories" by Bob Hope.

Way-Out Wednesday: Daddy Sang Bass

In honor of this upcoming Father's Day, I thought there was no better theme for today's Way-Out Wednesday than with the classic Dad present: the tie! While these ties might not exactly be weird or wacky or fug (as most Wednesdays around here usually are), these vintage ties are certainly not the usual sort of stupid Dad Tie that we used to give our dads when we were kids. These have personality and are pretty damn cool if I say so myself.

So for those of you new Dads, old Dads, Dads who are no longer with us, soon-to-be Dads, Step dads (and everything in between), who are about to rock, we salute you!(Random AC/DC reference.) Happy Father's Day! I got you a tie.




Bombs Away! Crazy atomic vintage 50's tie from Hatfeathers Vintage.




Life Imitating Art? Vintage 40's Rubens-inspired tie (and I ain't talking about the sandwich or Pee-Wee) from Necktie Party.




Vintage Hand-Painted Ties:




Ocean's 11. Vintage 40's novelty print tie from Sydney's Vintage.




Leaf Me Alone. Vintage 40's leaf tie from Vintage in Bohemia.




Whirling Dervish. Vintage 40's stripey swirly tie from Vintage Melody.




Real Men Wear Pink? Vintage 40's tie from John Pettybone. (Side note: the black "U" shapes totally remind me of playing with Lee Press-On Nails when I was a kid and how they'd fall off after about 4 minutes. Great. Now I totally want to play with Lee Press-On Nails.)




Vintage pinup ties. Warning: Possibly NSFW. Yowza:





Put the Blame on Mame. Vintage 50's pinup tie from Back Thennish Vintage.




Peekaboob! Vintage 70's tie from Dorothea's Closet Vintage.






"Daddy Sang Bass" by Johnny Cash. Oh yeah, and Mama sang tenor.