Friday, April 17, 2009

Eye Of The Tiger

Jumping moses on a pogo stick, I almost forgot about this month's vintage giveaway! How dare I and who do I think I am anyway? So without further yada yada yada, I bring you the free crapola vintage giveaway for April: vintage 50's sunglasses, shazam! These are certainly not schmancy by any means, white plastic cat
eye frames with thin green plastic (non-prescription) lenses by Cool Ray Polaroid.


(You are impressed by my fancy outdoor picture-taking skills, of that I am sure.)

I have far too many white cat eye sunglasses, though I'm not sure how that happened anyway. How very "1959 Barbie" of me. They're not the best of quality, most likely these were the el cheap-o drug store variety, but cheap ones are the best! (Screw you, Olsen Twins and your stupid $500 glasses.)

So if you want in on the free giveaway, sign up here by leaving a comment that says "Hey, I want free crap! I needs me some sunglasses! Throw my name in already, GOSH!". (And no, you don't really need to leave that comment. You can leave a comment in Elvish telling me to that I suck for all I care, just as long as you leave a comment that you want in!)

So. I'll pick a name... when?'s about a week from today, the 24th? Good? Good. As always, everyone is welcome to play and it's fo' frizzle. (That means it's for free. I know I'm a cheese, as if I wouldn't know that.)

"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor. Yeah, I know. Sorry 'bout that.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Way-Out Wednesday: The Kids Are Alright

You know, it's like I've been saying, there's nothing less inspirational than an inspirational saying. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Oh, ok, really? That's brilliant. Stupid Eleanor Roosevelt. Who the balls do you think you are, shoving your positive outlook on life all up in my grill? I didn't give my consent for people to walk this Earth being stupid and annoying, but there they are, doing it anyway, even though I didn't give them a signed permission slip to do so. Jerks. And inspirational posters don't work either. Unless, of course, it's become a retro mockery of itself over time, such as the infamous kitteh falling out of a tree "Hang in there!" wonderfully craptastic kind.

Imagine the surprise! glee! wonder! of finding a whole collection of them from a seller on etsy. While they're "instructional" on teaching kids good manners and not so much inspirational, and while I "get" that these were probably hanging up in a kindergarten class once and that's all very fitting for the time and all, it doesn't change the fact that they're still odd and the kids are creepy little bastards. They're vintage 50's (actually, they're all dated 1957), and as we know, most children-themed things from the 50's generally are disturbing or strange to a degree, but you know, in the awesome way. (I wish these posters were movie poster size, because they'd make a ridonkulously wrong and great wall-o-art, plastering an entire wall in the house!)

(Since they're all being sold by one seller, I only made the very first picture below clickable over to the listing, should you feel the need to buy one or 6. I'm lazy. So sue me.)

And now, I present to you: the fuggingest, most fugtastically fugly little hellions.

Because if you don't knock, you'll force your mother into having a very awkward conversation with you about why the mailman is in your house and what exactly he was doing to her involving your Twister mat.


Apparently he's on the "Body by Carrot Top" exercise plan.


Little Jimmy's dad is so busy giving his mom the 3rd degree about why he saw Donald Duck crawling out of her bedroom window, that they didn't take notice to Little Jimmy bleeding profusely out of his jugular.


In a related topic, Children of the Corn do not approve when their parents pay more attention to the Arguing Ducks Show than to them and now they will have to pay, either with bleeding jugulars of their own or being sent "into the cornfield".


Give a sister a break. Maybe she hates him because he's wearing the gayest outfit ever. And anyway, cat appliques are so last year.


Yeah, that one-foot drop to the ground looks really dangerous. Also, why would an 8 year old try to impress a 2 year old anyway? You just know he's gonna grow up to be that 26 year old guy cruising past the high school in his 1975 Ford Econoline van trying to impress the girls with his nunchuck skills, shag carpeting and bottle of Mad Dog. (AKA: how Kim lost her virginity. Ha! Kidding. It was Boone's Farm.)

"The Kids are Alright" by the Who.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Cannibal Pot

While on my quest of collecting the best (ie: worst and most vile) vintage 1950's & 60's cookbooks, I discovered this little gem recently. I almost bypassed it, what with it's glaringly 1970's grotesque-ness of homespun cross-stitched country charm of a cover (kill me now), but then I found that it's actually from 1959. Huh. Betty Crocker, you foiled me again with your witchery. But the best part, however, is the questionable title, which takes a second to sink in your noggin and make the good feelings go away, kinda like chasing a Miller High Life with Jagermeister. (I'm sorry, but I cannot possibly begin to figure out how to type an umlaut over the "A". Also, I'm too lazy.) The book is titled: Betty Crocker's Guide to Easy Entertaining--How to Have Guests- and Enjoy Them.

Well isn't that a nice cook---oh sweet jebus on a Triscuit! How to "have guests" and "enjoy them" made me automatically think of the Twilight Zone episode called To Serve Man (aired in March of 1963). So of course now I really want to buy this thing, unless one of you other happy little carnivores grabs it first. (Click the cookbook pic to go and buy it.) If you're a vintage Twilight Zone nerd like me, then you'll know exactly of what I'm referring. If you're not a TZ fan, it shouldn't take long to realise that it sounds like it's a cookbook for serving human.




"Cannibal Pot" by Tommy Steele.