Saturday, April 12, 2008

Sweet Little Sixteen

Last night I *finally* got around to renting the newest Harry Potter movie, because I am fully aware of my nerdiness and will raise you one Lord of the Rings trilogy that I am watching on TNT right now even though I own the freaking boxed set, because that is HOW A NERD ROLLS and I am loyal to my geek-status movies. The thing I don't get is how these wizard kids and elves with magic never use their powers for personal gain. What's with the morals and the "do the right thing"-iness? Say WHA, now?! I'd be all OVER those powers. Sure I may save a kitten out of a tree and push a guy out of the way from a falling piano from the 6th floor, but damn you, child bearing hips, damn you straight to hell. Zap! Big hips gone. Electric bill or gas bill- which one to pay THIS month? Zap! Money, money, money, muuuh-naaay! I'd have the power to fly, to read thoughts, to be invisible, to be filthy stinking rich and occasionally use it to be good. But probably not that often.

I'd also use powers to have superawesome memory-- so's I don't have to rely on stinking myspace to tell me when my friends' birthdays are- JULIE AND JEN I'M TALKING TO YOU. So here's a blatant shout-out to my friends whose birthdays I missed because I'm apparently the worst friend ever and am too busy sewing my evil villain suit to remember things that don't include world domination.

You can snatch this vintage 30's coat from Julie at Damn Good Vintage a wicked awesome coat that has an old-timey villain feel to it, like the superbad librarian-in-disguise on old-timey England who will give you a firm scolding for talking too loud, meanwhile she's got a rubber catsuit on underneath for her other PT job as dominatrix. Or whatever.

And I'd also have powers to sew like a FIEND, because I would bang out (I said bang out) stupid awesome ensembles in minutes and never wear the same thing twice (damn you Paris Hilton), like the dress on this vintage 40's pattern from Jen at MomsPatterns. I'd ixnay the boob pockets, and make the hip pockets extra big. Where else will my flask and laser gun go?

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Harlem Nocturne

As everyone had heard by now, Charleton Heston passed away last week. Not *new* news at this point, but sadly I haven't read much written about him, no stories on CNN or hell, not even on craptastic Entertainment Tonight. Why not? I think he was one of those guys that was too misunderstood for his own good and that reputation preceded him. True, he seemed gruff and a little scary and he would STILL kick your ass even from his grave. Like the mean ass uncle you only see at family reunions who feels it's his duty to tell you that you've put on weight and your job will never be good enough and that HIS son is graduating from College University (finally after 6 years) with a Phys Ed degree, meanwhile junior is so far in the closet he's trying on his sister's heels, but you would NEVER tell your uncle the truth about his son, because family just doesn't do that, so you just let Uncle Chuck ramble on about how you are just not as great as you could be. He's got a rep to be like THAT. Also, run-ons are great.


Now, I don't give a rat's about politics- his OR yours. Love him or hate him, at least he took PART in something he dug- not like all the useless mouth breathers in Hollywood today. Did you know that he was a WW11 vet? Did you know that he went to acting school after the war with his GI Bill money that he went into the military to earn? Did you know he was at the civil rights march in 1963? No you didn't, because all we know him for is his politics and one-liners. And a few little known movies, like Ben-Hur, Touch of Evil and Planet of the Apes, but who ever heard of THOSE? There is no denying he was a legend of his generation and THAT is always sad, when a legend dies. Because every time a Great Actor dies, that means there's one more actor/singer/sex tape star/ skank in Hollywood to take his place. I'm talking to YOU BritneyLindseyParisNicole. What have YOU done great in your lifetime? Oh that's right, nothing. What Great Actors will WE be left with, when all the truly good ones are gone?!

Gratuitous Monkey Shot.

So don't cry for me, Charlton Heston. If you could see me right now, I'm spilling my Jack and Coke onto the ground for you, homie. And if you know me, you'll know that THAT is something you can't pry from my cold, dead hands.