Way-Out Wednesday: Come On Baby! Let's Do The Hypno-Twist!

Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!




Exercise, shmexercise. I've gotten so bored with my daily exercise routine lately, I could fall asleep on the treadmill. I sure wish there was some sort of new-fangled contraption out there to make working out fun again. Fun- and hep. Something that combines my love of Chubby Checker AND precariously gripping onto a lazy susan for dear life before inevitably losing my balance and plunging head-first to the floor in a predictably ugly broken hip accident.


Well now there is!



Ever since I discovered the Hypno-Twist, I spend less time on the treadmill, and more time in the hospital! Thanks, Hypno-Twist!




(See? It really IS basically a lazy susan-- but with polka dots. That makes all the difference.)


Vintage 60's Hypno-Twist Family Exerciser Exercise Disc (and dig that supremely cool packaging! Squee!) is currently available on Etsy from Vintage FanAttic.

Way-Out Wednesday: Gator Done!

(I bet only my peeps from the south will understand the pun-iness of today's title. And fans of Larry the Cable Guy. Or Nascar. To everyone else: I swear, it's not gibberish. And it's hilarious. I swear.)

Anyway, welcome to a better-late-than-never Way-Out Wednesday!




Now, let me preface this by saying I can't/won't/am too hungover to/or don't care enough to validate the authenticity of today's vintage pick. I have *no* idea if it's real, I don't know the seller from a hole in the ground or more importantly, if it's worth the crazy-ass price tag that goes with it. But I do know it's pretty crazy-ass in general and also weird and wonderful and freak show cool, so that, my friends, is worth all the money in the world! (Well, no. It's not. Like, at all. But the sentiment sure sounded nice, didn't it?)


I present to you, Gator Girl:



Why yes, it (allegedly) IS a Vintage 30's Ripley's Believe It or Not Sideshow Poster, thanks for asking.

If you ask me, the gator (oh, sorry, croc) mugging in the background is the show. He should be wearing a tiny top hat and a monocle. And smoking a cigar. And Gator Girl should have an eye patch, like a pirate. With a lizard hanging out of her mouth. And missing a tooth or 2. Then it would rule.

Way-Out Wednesday: Indiana Jones And The Tutu Of Doom.

It's Way-Out Wednesday time!







Harrison Ford really let himself go.


Oh, those wacky 80's. An unshaven, scruffy, rugged manly man, smoking a cigar, holding a beer, wearing a bejeweled fairy princess dress in sneakers, no less?! Really? I guess this was still considered funny in the 1980's. I have to disagree. It's friggin' hilarious.


Circa 1985 Vintage "Want a wish?....You'll have to kiss the wand" Greeting Card is available on Etsy from seller Wandering Vintage.

Way-Out Wednesday: I'm Baaaack!...And so is It.

Welcome back to Way-Out Wednesday, kids!



Didja miss me, like I missed the heck out of you guys?! It took me a little longer than I thought to come back for my triumphant return, crawling back from the brink of death-by-plague (not really), for which I slightly apologize. Thanks to all you sweet faces that sent me some well-wishin' and emails saying "Where the hell are you?!", and "Are you dead or what?!" but mostly "Hot and lonely overweight men want to meet you now, on Zoosk!" But seriously, it was no big whoop just an ass-kicking flu. Still, you guys rock and I lurve you all. (Sadly this lovefest will end momentarily when I drop a heavy dose of Way-Out Wednesday fuckuppery on y'all.)


And so, I give you...



It Knows What You Did Last Summer. But don't worry. It won't tell... but it's gonna cost you.

Ick. Is he thinking about what part of you he's gonna eat first, or does he just look like your average, run-of-the mill perv clown, wondering what part of you to fondle first? Either way, you're screwed. (Ba-dum, ching!)

Ahh, it's good to be back.


Creeptastic Vintage Needlepoint Framed Clown Picture available on Etsy from seller Old and New Boutique.

Way-Out Wednesday: Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!




I'm sure by now most of you have heard the sad news of Elizabeth Taylor's passing. Fashion icon, style maven, Hollywood royalty, all-around goddess. But I'm not gonna dwell on the sad. You know how I roll when it comes to dealing with hard times or sadness or those pesky things humans called "emotions"- I lighten the mood with something out of the ordinary. Well, "out of the ordinary" might be too vague. I actually should say ghastly. So I guess the mood won't be so light after all. Hmm. At any rate, feast your eyes upon the crazy:




It's a baby. Sewn into the corner of a handkerchief. For no apparent reason other than to to torture the recipient of this special "gift" with night terrors.

Ok, I *get* that it's probably a baby shower thing, like a favor or something. But I mean, really. REALLY?!




Don't get me wrong, I freaking worship this thing. Creepy doll parts = eternal awesome. But as a party favor for the impending birth of a human? Not so much. However, the flip side of this hankie pretty much rules:




Bottoms up!



Vintage Pink Baby Crochet Handkerchief Plastic Toy Hankie is currently available to torture a loved one from Etsy seller Daisy Fairbanks.

Aqua Blue Heaven Friday: End (Of The World) Tables

Welcome to Aqua Blue Heaven Friday!



Upon waking this morning, I realized the day would play out like a 1950's cheesy sci-fi movie- The Flooded Basement of Doom, starring me and a now-underwater basement. If you haven't heard, the east coast is all doom-and-gloom/end of the world, thanks to a molotov cocktail combo of melting snow and heavy downpours. Joy. Hopefully everyone out there is safe and sound! (Maybe I'll check in tomorrow with a damage report, since there is a mother load of it. Double joy.)

So while I've got this gross wet basement nightmare to deal with for the rest of the day and night, it's only fitting that today's vintage aqua pick also has something to do with water- you know, just not cold, dirty and loaded with germs for the whole family!- this Vintage 50's Aqua & Olive Poolside Tables, available on Etsy from seller Funky Quail Vintage:

Way-Out Wednesday: Organ Grinder? I Don't Even Know Her!

Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!




Uncle Guiseppe the Creepy Perv Organ Grinder Monkey waits for you to fall asleep. Uncle Guiseppe the Creepy Perv Organ Grinder Monkey is gonna touch you while you sleep. And smell your hair. And probably try on your brand new Manolos. And then eat the other half of your Italian sub from Subway that you were planning on taking to work tomorrow.




Uncle Guiseppe the Creepy Perv Organ Grinder Monkey is pretty sure you're gonna like it. You know- the being touched part. Not the "finding your size 7 heels stretched out and smelling like garlic-scented feet sweat and having your sandwich scarfed during a midnight pot bender by your bedbug-riddled, deadbeat primate of a roommate" part.


Inspiration for today vintage pick, this weirdly awesome Vintage 50's Organ Grinder Monkey Yarn Doll is currently offered for sale on Etsy from seller Valuable Vintage.

Way-Out Wednesday: Baby Did A Bad, Bad Thing

It's time for Way-Out Wednesday, kids!



Speaking of, you know what's generally not very amusing? Kids. Especially other people's. Also not exceptionally amusing on their own: pipes, string, top hats or heavy eyeliner. However. Put them all together and you know what you get? Comedy gold.

Behold, the creepiest and therefore awesomest Vintage Smoking Boy Chalkware String Holder:

Atomic Tuesday: Back To Basics

Thanks for stopping by this week's Atomic Tuesday!




Maybe it's the grey/icy/frigid/hellishly annoying weather or the winter "blahs", or maybe the new year has me inspired to make some overhauls but I've been transitioning into a more minimalistic thing lately. No longer feeling it necessary to hang onto so many "extras" of things, cluttering up my life mojo (a girl only needs so many clocks/lamps/drapes/glasses/so on and so on) that I've been throwing out (well, not "throwing out", but donating/giving away, etc.) things I'm not in love with anymore. And today's vintage pick sort of reflects what I mean, when it comes to decorating the mid-century modern way. While today's pick isn't anything "drop dead" or over the top in any way, it's one thing the MCM fan must have. Keep it simple, keep it classic~ the timelessly cool Vintage Atomic Starburst Bellevue Clock:

Way-Out Wednesday: Veg Is Murder

Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!





Today's pick is something I've never had the pleasure of seeing before. It's a perfect mix of wacky-meets-macabre and therefore I adore it. It's a vintage bank -- but not just any ol' bank. A bank of doom.




Not so fast there, sparky. Don't be deceived at first glance of Doom Bank. It seems innocent enough at first. A bunch of cracked-out, possibly schizophrenic, likely acid-tripping, hippie vegetables. (I like to imagine they have voices like Janice from the Muppets. "Like wow." ) You know, just hanging out, pondering some of life's big questions like why the beet in the middle apparently has a set of cajones.


But then, turn it around and you'll see that they're actually sitting IN A POT...



...that's ON FIRE...



That's right, kids, the vegetables are being COOKED and they probably don't even know it. And if they do, the illicit narcotics they're on are making it OK. At first I felt bad for the poor unsuspecting critters, but now I secretly find it amusing that they're an hour away from being borscht. Is that wrong? Then I don't wanna be right.


Freaking awesome Vintage 60s Chalkware Neon Veggie Soup Bank is currently available on Etsy from seller Daisy Fairbanks.

Way-Out Wednesday: Holiday Horrors: Santa's Little (No) Helper

Welcome to a holly, jolly Way-Out Wednesday, Holiday Horrors edition! (FYI: There is no holly. And the "jolly"? Well, that's debatable. Doubtful, even. You've been warned.)




Clowns are universally grotesque, no question. Scary, creepy and altogether not amusing. But elves on the other hand? They're adorable! Charming! Santa's little helpers! Happy little imps, they are. Or, you know, when they're not.





At first, you're all: "Aww, what a cute little Vintage Homemade Elf Doll! I want one!" But then upon closer viewing, you'll get a feeling of despair. Like that time you got a little too friendly with the Peppermint Schnapps at the office party and did the "Elaine" dance, only you weren't quirky and ironic, just drunk and slaggy. There's just something so...what's the word...uber depressing about this guy.



Not evil. Not exactly a creep either. But he sure as hell ain't jolly! Just...wrong. Off. Fakakta. Maybe it's the carrot-like nose. Maybe it's the mis-matched ears. Maybe it's the "Liza with a "Z" makeup. Or maybe it's the pictures?




Ahh. There we have it.

Way-Out Wednesday: Holiday Horrors

It's time for this week's Way-Out Wednesday, Holiday Horrors style.




If there's one thing I love it's strange old photographs. But if there's one thing I love even more is strange old photographs with creepy-ass Santas, supremely pissed-off kids and of course, taxidermy. So imagine the bliss! joy! rapture! when I came across this freaking gem of someone's family history:





Everything about this Vintage Creepy Santa, Reindeer and Spoiled Brat Photograph is pure win. But I mean, damn. Newly Paroled Santa, is that a a deer in your pocket? Because you certainly aren't happy to see us. (Did you catch that vague and furthermore lame attempt at pervy humor? You're most welcome for that wee dose of holiday blasphemy and bad taste.)

Atomic Tuesday: Fiddle-Dee-Dee!

Welcome to Atomic Tuesday!




Today's pick for Atomic Tuesday is this cute Vintage 50s PIN UP BOMBSHELL FULL CIRCLE PARTY ATOMIC MARILYN SKIRT M L




That's the seller's exact title, by the way. Here's the thing. I have many, if not an overabundance of, questions. "Pin up"? Hmmm, not sure if that's entirely accurate. "Party"? Ehhhh. And "full circle"? I'm not sure if people fully understand what that means but it should, by its very definition, form a full and complete circle shape when laid flat. Maybe it's just the angles, but this looks more "A"-line-ish to me than circle. And the tags in the listing are "Marilyn Monroe, Grease, bombshell and new look", which are a little...you know, not really choice, either. But I'm not here to criticize a seller's wordage, because I'm not concerned with what other sellers do. I do have a question about the original intent of the skirt. Doesn't it look like someone got all Scarlett O'Hara-y on our asses and scissored the hell out of the drapes and fashioned them into a skirt? Which is fine and all! I'm not opposed to upcycling stuff into...you know, other stuff. We don't know the circumstances. Maybe the former owner fell on economic hard times (geeze, what are those) and had to do some crafty improvising. To which I say, go on girl! Maybe there was a fire and this was the only thing the former owner could grab onto on the way out the door, which was probably on fire. To which I also say, good on ya, mate! Who knows, really. I have too many questions today and should probably just acknowledge that this is just a cute, atomic print skirt and leave it at that. I'm not hatin' and I'm arguing. (It's too cold to anyway!) I wanna know your thoughts! Former curtains or intentional fashion? Neither? Both? Turn the damn heat up already? (I vote for the last one.)

Way-Out Wednesday: Holiday Horrors.

Welcome to a special Way-Out Wednesday: the Holiday Horrors edition!



I rolled out this theme last year for the month of December and it was such a hit with you lovelies that I thought why not rock it again this year? (Also: that sounded all highfalutin of me, the way I just said that.)

A quick 'splainin: To those unfamiliar, Holiday Horrors takes all the same elements of Way-Out Wednesday (ie: creepy-ass, fug or just plain ol' crazytown) but with vintage Christmas/Hanukkah/whateverthehellelseholiday items. So let's get it on! (Also: not in that way. Pervs.)






It is said there is a certain, underground videotape out there of Santa doing certain, questionable things with Rudolph. It is also said that if you watch this videotape, you will get a phone call from Santa, singing you a very drunken and almost unintelligible version of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer", after which, he hangs up and sends one of his elf minions to crawl out of a well, hunt you down, and force you to slam eggnog shots until you get to the point where you think going streaking is an awesome idea, the sight of which makes Mrs. Clause cry at which point you pass out, until the next morning when you wake to the sound of you mom screaming at you and how you ruined Christmas, finding you naked under the Christmas tree, sucking on last night's candy cane and reeking reeking of gingerbread and, for some reason, reindeer.

Vintage Creepy Elf Figurine is currently available on Etsy (as well as at the bottom of a well, just waiting for you to watch that stag home movie of Santa's) from seller Eido.

Way-Out Wednesday: Wormed For Her Pleasure.

Welcome to a special, Thanksgiving eve edition of Way-Out Wednesday!





Is today's theme possibly turkey-related, you ask? Well duh, of course it is! Only, since it is Way-Out Wednesday after all, you know today's vintage pick has to be a little offbeat, kinda wacky and of course, well, borderline gross. Mmm, delicious. Now dig in!





"Oh, delightful", you're thinking. "A vintage can of...something or other...to use in our country-fabulous decor. Look at how you just got all shabby chic on our asses. You pulled a ninja Rachel Ashwell maneuver on us. How thoughtful of you." But no, my pie-eating peeps. It's not just any vintage can of something or other. If you look closely at the label it says- and I quote- "For the expulsion of round worms and tapeworms in poultry." Yep. Pellets for deworming your turkey. (gag. blech.ohmygodGROSS.) Well there's something to give thanks for tomorrow. But no tapeworms means you'll just have to lose 50 pounds in 4 days some other way.

Vintage Can of Dr. Salsbury's Poultry Pellets is currently available on Etsy from seller Cottageprims.

Atomic Tuesday: Star Light, Star Bright.

Welcome back to Atomic Tuesday!




Is everyone (at least everyone here in the US) ready for turkey day? Not me. (Although I'm sure you're admiring my delightfully creepy and altogether disturbing banner I'm using for Thanksgiving week.) I'm already over thanksgiving and thinking about Christmas. So for today's Atomic Tuesday I've been looking around at tacky/kitschy/fantastical vintage ornaments and found *thee* perfect trio for you starburst-heads:





Love! But I will offer this word of wisdom (only because I've recently been duped myself)~ ever since Target started repro-ing atomic and starburst-y shaped ornaments over the past few years, it's getting harder and harder to believe that what's being sold as "vintage" on places like Etsy and Ebay is actually so and not, in fact, a clever Target facsimile. Don't get me wrong, that's not to say this set isn't vintage or that the seller is anything but truthful and a good seller at that- (although I don't have any connection to or know the seller from a hole in the wall)- I'm just sayin', a girl's gotta be careful out there these days. You never know when a bad ornament is gonna sneak up on you and try to pass itself off as a good one in a dark back alley one night. Just sayin'.

Either way, this set *is* definitely cool and I would totally keep these out on display year 'round, wouldn't you? (Yeeeah, I knew ya would!) Super rad Vintage Space Age Ornament Trio is currently available for a very decent $11.99 from seller Tipple & Snack. Which now makes me want a snack. And the seller also offers some fun vintage kitchen items. Well played, shopkeep, well played.

Atomic Tuesday: For The Record...

Welcome to a pathetically neglected and often-MIA Atomic Tuesday!



I've been losing my "atomic mojo" as it were, not being very inspired or motivated by much out there lately- (which seems to be the case with most vintage things- either there's a ton of cool stuff available all at once or a total dry spell)- until I saw this supercool Vintage Atomic Patterned 45 RPM Record Case:





Record cases tend to be a dime a dozen and most of the ones I've come across were pretty bland (like the standard black or olive drab hue), so this one's crazy, Calder-esque pattern and nearly mint condition make it a winner!

Prints Charmning Sunday: Roxanne, You Don't Have To Put On The Red Light

Welcome to Prints Charming Sunday!





Today's vintage novelty print is utterly charming! (I know, it's super lame to call it that, considering today IS, after all, "Prints Charming Sunday", so it's not at all a creative description for it, but I'm telling you, it works. Behold, my good sirs and madams:




And now, let's discuss the print. Not being the fancy-pantsical or superbly well-versed in 19th century playwrights type, I'm not 100% certain but I'm assuming the print is based on "Cyrano de Bergerac"? It sure looks like the scene where the dude with the big-ass schnoz is wooing Roxanne, under the guise of being the hotty hotpants dude. Make sense? I thought not. See for thine selves:




Vintage 40's Rayon Novelty Print Dress currently available on Etsy from seller Vintageous Boutique.

Way-Out Wednesday: Boney Maroney

Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!





Sorry for the lack of posts lately amigos, but I've been multitasking like a badass again, including spending about 3 days making dozens of these little hellions for Halloween parties:





Spider cupcakes, y'all. In pirate skull & crossbone printed liners! Fun? Totally. Pain in the ass? Oh yeah. Better idea in theory? Hell yes. All those spider legs were made by cutting off strips of black licorice Twizzlers, so 8 legs X 36 cupcakes = 1 very annoyed me. But worth it, since Halloween only comes once...ish. So a belated Happy Halloween to all! Now that it's November, bring on the turkey! I'm relatively ready. More or less. Probably more of the "less."


Maybe it's from being a Scorpio and naturally in tune with the creepy and macabre, but speaking of belated Halloween, I wish I found this earlier in the month, because it's terrifyingly awesome-- you know, if you dig creepy old photographs for every day use and not just for October 31st:





While it may look like some sort of cheesetastic Halloween party setup, it's actually a vintage photo from the 1930's of the corpses in the Capuchin Catacombs in Palermo, Italy! Photo is currently available for sale from seller Diabolus, who, as the shop name suggests, also sells many other creepy-ass/flipping cool vintage photos for your devilish crafting needs.

Now if only I could find a vintage photo of a turkey skeleton...