Oh, those wacky 80's. An unshaven, scruffy, rugged manly man, smoking a cigar, holding a beer, wearing a bejeweled fairy princess dress in sneakers, no less?! Really? I guess this was still considered funny in the 1980's. I have to disagree. It's friggin' hilarious.
Welcome to an especially terrifying Way-Out Wednesday!
Today's Way-Out Wednesday banner is apropos, given the fact that we're dealing with clowns. Consider THAT your official warning, my friends. I know how much you all love clowns and are not all terrified by them. In fact, I'm sure you'd like it if every day was "scary-as-hell clown day" wouldn't you? Ha! I'm just kidding, simmer down there clownophobes, no need to panic. Yet.
Now you should panic. This is on a nightgown, people.
You heard me. A.Nightgown. What sort of lunatic nutbag thought these guys would be awesome to put on something that should, for it's very purpose in life, NOT give you nightmares?! If no one has hunted down the creator of this nightmare-inducer like the swine pig psycho that he is, someone should. Now.
Vintage 80's Scary Clown Nightgown is currently available on Etsy from seller Diane's Closet, for $10. A meager price to pay for a most excellently devious gift to give to your mother-in-law, thin-as-a-rail friend who can eat a can of lard and not gain weight, the neighbor whose dog insists on using your yard as it's personal toilet, or anyone else you hate.
You know, after taking a mini break from blogging recently, I thought I'd make a triumphant return with swift vengeance, ready to take on the blogging world with a great many new themes and ideas of which to simultaneously blow your minds and thusly knock your socks off... buuuuut... it's obvious I suck at time management. Hell, I couldn't even find the time to come on here to let you guys know I didn't have any time. (How do you daily bloggers DO it? Also, I said "do it".) I have no big circus acts of freak show awesomeness for you guys, no major shows of dramatic creativity. I *did* have this swell idea to carry on last year's tradition of doing a weekly vintage Halloween theme, but I just couldn't pull it together this past month. Oh well. Maybe with December will come a month of freaky deaky themes, who knows. But you know what I do know? We do still have our 4 (ish) regular, weekly themes (side note: this friday will see the return of Aqua Blue Heaven Friday!) and we do still have Way-Out Wednesday and by gawd we're gonna rock Wednesdays like it's nobody's business! And today, kids, we're in the ketchup biz.
What I mean, of course, is this Vintage Heinz Ketchup Bottle Phone. (And anyone who calls it "ket-sup", ie: catsup, is gonna catch the business end of my stabbin' hand. It's pronounced "ketch-up" and always will be. The end.) The seller doesn't mention an era, but I'd wager a guess that it's from the decade of wacky novelty crap, the 1980's. (Recall the Sports Illustrated Football Phone?) The phone's sort of beat to hell, but it still looks bizarrely awesome (you know, for a novelty telephone) and it's only 6 bucks. ($6.00!) The phone's available on Etsy from seller My Serious Side. (Have I mentioned its 6 dollar factor? 6 bucks!)
Bet you thought I forgot, didn't you?! Well, no. It's called being "fashionably late".... you know, if it was 1982, which is probably the last time anyone even called it that, like if I was going to a Bacardi-and-blow party of some high-strung, child-free bachelor stockbroker in Manhattan named "Chip" or "Brad" and I didn't show up until after midnight- you know, "fashionably late"- wearing a shoulder pad power suit, with a bottle of Valium in one hand and this new-fangled cassette tape of Hall and Oats, the scent of Charlie wafting in after me. You know, like that. These days it's called "holy crap I gotta write today's blog but ohmygod I just remembered there's still wet laundry in the washer from yesterday and I bet it smells like death by now and I'm gonna have to wash it all over again and oh man, what's today? is tonight garbage night?! I'll drag the cans out to the curb later, after I finish this Valium-tini and Danielle Steel novel but what time is it, is it really 6:00 already? I guess dinner will be a bowl of bran flakes and what, last night's brussels sprouts, and the fam will just have to like it, dammit." So there you have it. It all makes perfect sense now.
Speaking of those little crumb-snatchers (and considering it is Way-Out Wednesday after all), I present you with this Vintage Meanie Doll, currently available on Etsy from seller Pugpink:
It's one of those "I could go from pleasant to bitch in 5 seconds for no rhyme or reason" kind of days. Partly because it's just how I roll. Also because it's cold and rainy and will stay this way for the next, I dunno, month or something. Ok, 3 days. Whatever. So I dramatize. But already this weather's put me in a funk, so I've been shopping my face off online for something to put me in a better mood. And since there's no one-stop shop for booze, Valium and a pool boy named Hans (Note to self: create a website for alcohol, meds and pool boys. Call it BoozeandBoys. com), the second best thing is a cute novelty print, right? Maybe more like a close third.
Swell! The label even reads "Van Gogh Holland", so you know the print is not generic, but based directly on this small-time Dutch artist named Van Gogh (perhaps you've heard of him?) and his late-1880's series of paintings called, shock and surprise, Sunflowers (also known as "the poster every 19 year old sorority girl hangs in her dorm room")~
With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I thought it was only appropriate to make this Way-Out Wednesday turkey-themed. So first, let me say that I am aghast (aghast, I say!) at the lack of Thanksgiving-themed vintage kitsch out there in the world. Second, let me say I am aghast (aghast, I say!) that no one bought this Vintage 1981 Thanksgiving Turkey Pin. It's the right thing to get you in the mood to scarf down mass amounts of poultry, is it not?
The very first thing I thought when I saw this & read his shirt wast: "So? You want a prize or something? Arrogant-ass turkey."
Then I was all: "Ohhh, I get it. It's a late 70's/early 80's thing, calling people "jive turkeys" like Fred Sanford. AND he's a turkey. Funny. Clever. Ironic. Whoop-dee-doo."
Then I went into: "Aww, but look at his sad widdle eyes. He knows what's about to go down in the farmyard. Poor guy."
Then after an appropriate amount of time kicking myself in the ass for feeling sorry for a piece of molded plastic jewelry from the 80's, I went into immediate Evil Mode and thought: "You know, those friends of his are probably being yakked up by Snots the family dog under the dinner table right about now."
So what's your verdict? Funny and joketacular? A PETA-happy way to get everyone in a bummer mood for Thanksgiving? An ironic gift to present to your dinner host? Too pathetic to even look at? Just a stupid piece of plastic and stop over-analyzing it already? You be the judge. My verdict: I happen to love it. Then again, I happen to love calling my friends and family mildly verbally-abusive pet names like "jerks", "losers" and from now on: "turkeys."
After their exciting day at the mall for a family portrait at JC Penney, Bob and Carol decided it was time to finally tell the children that they had, in fact, been stolen. Also that Carol's failed corrective surgery to uncross her eyes would probably leave her blind. And that Bob's religious sect was planning on moving them to the hills of remote Utah to live in a cabin without running water, electricity or an indoor toilet. And that child services was planning on taking son Johnny away due to his emotional violent outbursts and recent tragic baby bunny slayings. And that the baby would have to go through a harsh round of exorcism, after last night's bout of speaking in tongues and cursing the rest of the family members to hell. Now who wants Orange Julius?!
(Thanks to Knits Yours, Knot Mine for the inspiration from this vintage 80's sweater booklet!)
As most of you have heard, 80's wrestling kitsch sensation, Captain Lou Albano passed away yesterday at the age of 76. His wrestling career started in the 50's, gained momentum in the 60's as part of a tag team called "The Sicilians", rockin' the Italian cliches as their schtick (awesome), and by the 80's he was known as "Captain Lou Albano". Plus, he rocked a Hawaiian shirt like nobody's business!
Honestly, I don't even like wrestling, whether real or that fake WWF stuff. But I will remember him in the only way I know how: from his Cyndi Lauper days. I have sparse memories of him from the 80's, when I was a wee lass. But I recall his guest appearance in Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Want to Have Fun video, playing her uptight father. I guess their bond was very tight and very real, because there used to be a rumor going around that they were really father and daughter. (Not true, of course.) Fact-o-rama: that video won the first ever award for Best Female Video at the 1984 Video Music Awards on MTV.
Captain Lou also appeared in Cyndi's video for The Goonies "R" Good Enough--I didn't know there was a video for the song until I bought the dvd of The Goonies movie. There's an option on the dvd to play her video and I was all "say WHA?". It's incredibly cheesy- terrible, even- but in a good way. I couldn't find any decent stills, so here's the video, chock full of crappy acting, kickass vintage clothing from the 50's & 60's, and of course, Captain Lou:
And from their very sweet photo shoot for Life magazine, September 1984:
Today's vintage pick is like last week's, where it isn't exactly "way-out", wacky, yes, but not bizarre. But it did bring back awesome memories of being a kid, and it's something most of you remember all too well. In fact, you'll probably roll your eyes and sigh, maybe even get slightly stabby when I say...
"Where's the beef"?!
Yep, an annoying but clever slogan for Wendy's hamburgers in the 80's. If you're under the age of, say, 30, you probably assume I'm talking gibberish again, but I'm sure everyone else remembers the old, like really old ladies who starred in the commercial. Funny thing is, the commercial only ran for about a year, from 1984-85, and we still talk about it. Compared to most modern "sex sells" advertising, the Wendy's commercial is lame in contrast, putting 3 old bats who could double for the Crypt Keeper yelling about "big fluffy buns" and demanding to know where the beef is. It worked in the 80's, though, and you gotta give the ad execs props for coming up with a clever catch phrase that lasted a helluva lot longer than the commercial (or the old ladies) did.
There were quite a few different "where's the beef" commercials with the ancient broads, but here's the classic one:
Did you know there was actual "Where's the Beef?" merchandise to buy? I had *no* idea! Then again, I was only about 8 or 9 at the time, so what did I know? I can barely remember yesterday, let alone 25 years ago. So imagine my- and it happened in this order- shock! glee! disgust! (at the image of old bat) and more glee!- when I came across this little vintage treat of pop culture:
Why yes! It is a potholder and oven mitt set featuring the catch phrase and old lady who made it popular, thank you for asking. I'm both horrified and intrigued by this thing and I both want to buy it and run away from it at the same time. It's available from Nick and Nessie's on etsy for a mere 15 clams!
And for your added Way-Out Wednesday pleasure, here's a hot and sexy pic of the lady who made her fortune from shouting a line. And then died. True story, she passed away in 1987, 2 short years after she was rocketed to fame, fortune and oiled-up pool boys named Rico. So that's both sad and not at all surprising.
It's been a weird few days, hasn't it? A few days ago, my perfectly working and perfectly kickass vintage 50's Toastmaster toaster went up in flames. Literally. And I mean "literally", not like "Oh my gawd, when I heard that Kirk Cameron was getting married, my head literally exploded and I literally died." Heartbreaker of a sitch: I bought that toaster new old stock, so I took great pleasure in knowing that I was the only person to have used it and there wasn't 50 years worth of old bread funk all up in there. Long story short: if you're gonna stick a taco shell in the toaster, make sure you watch it and not get all distracted by an old Weird Al song on youtube you haven't thought about in years. Not that I'd ever do a flaky and bonehead move like that. As if! Ok, I totally did. The 50's toaster, she is dead. Moment of silence while I play "Taps". Sigh. My heart literally just broke.
And in much more serious news, I know you've all heard about the passing of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. While I wouldn't say my heart literally broke over the news, I do remember MJ much more fondly than Farrah- I mean, I was a kid of the 80's, so of course his music made an impression. Silver gloves, Pepsi, moonwalking, hair on fire, I remember it all. My brother and I both had those ridonkulously fug Michael Jackson red zipper pleather jackets and concert tees. I still have them and will probably never sell them! Unfortunately, all the dirtbags and sleazoids will come out of the woodwork now to make a profit off their deaths, selling anything MJ or FF-themed they can get their hands on, and I wouldn't even doubt it if we started seeing much more grim and personal things out there for sale: "Michael's last used tissue!" I'm all for capitalism, but come on.
So today's special Aqua Blue Friday is gonna be a little different than usual, though there is aqua involved, so get off my jock people. Try to do something nice, gosh. Today is in memory of Farrah and Michael, to both I will say a hearty "salut!" to when I have a cocktail or 2 later. Which should be any minute now.
Vintage 1984 Michael Jackson Colorforms never used and in their original packaging. Is it too soon or disrespectful to make a joke of a pervy nature? Well I don't care, I'm sayin' it anyway: it says "Rub N' Play". Rub 'n play, people! That's comedy gold right there.
Kim~ vintage clothing seller (Fast Eddie's Retro Rags) on Etsy, old-fashioned rockabilly gal, retrophile, crossword puzzle junkie (shut up, they make you smart), Twilight Zone nerd, Jedi master of sarcasm and all around malcontent. It's your lucky day.
*********************
Fun Fact-O-Rama: I was born & raised in the small town that Jayne Mansfield is buried in!
**********************
Do you need to speak to the manager? Send your love letters and hate mail to:
pinktrailer@yahoo.com
Posts
