Friday, November 13, 2009

Sometimes It Pays To Be Bad

Hey look, I gots me a fancy award! Not just any award- the Badass Blogger Award! Many, many thanks go to the lovely and charming GLAMA RAY who thought my bad attitude and grumpy demeanor should get an award! See, I always knew being a jerk would pay off in the long run.

I gotta say, I'm beyond flattered to get this today- on Friday the 13th no less, which is when apparently everything is supposed to go wrong. I love when cool & unexpected things happen in an unexpectedly cool way. Thank you so much again, Glama!

Aqua Blue Heaven Friday: Plastic, Fantastic, Spastic.

It's Aqua Blue Heaven Friday once again, kids! I've gotten a few emails from some charming gals over the past few weeks, saying that while they love vintage, being plus-size means that they're limited to pretty much only being able to wear vintage accessories. Yeah, it sucks that there isn't alot of larger sizes in vintage readily available, but you know what? You almost always get complimented when you're rockin' a vintage handbag, shoes or crazy-ass jewelry, right? So to the Ladies Who Emailed Me (and anyone else who's larger than a size 0), I'll make it a personal mission in the coming weeks to do a post or 2 of larger-sized vintage fashion! See? I got your backs! I got your backs too, skinny bitches. And centaurs. And cyclopses. And mermaids. I look out for everyone.

So in the meantime, vintage jewelry is something that anyone can wear, no matter how big, little or human you are. That being said, today's theme is the vintage aqua earring. But also, plastic vintage aqua earrings. Why? Because I said so. Also because I loooove kitschy plastic stuff from the 50's. What can I say? I'm cheap and have low expectations. Enjoy!

These Sonic Pink & Aqua Earrings are listed as 50's/60's, but something about that seems off. Either way, I do love 'em, so there.

Vintage Rhinestone Plastic Earrings. Love? Yes! Very much so. What's that? You don't quite dig those colors? You want something a little more... parfait-ish? *** Hold on a sec...

There you go.

Vintage Aqua & Yellow Cube Earrings.. Mod meets the rubik's cube!

*** You're probably thinking: "No, actually, I never wished my jewelry looked more parfait-ish, whateverthehell that means." Let me 'splain: I have sort of an ongoing dare with someone to use certain words, without sounding A.) Like I'm 90 or B.) Like I'm on crack. Words that aren't commonly used on a daily basis, at least, not since about 1910. Today's word was "parfait", because it's been argued that not only do people not eat them anymore, but no one even knows what they are. See? It's so simple and clearly sane now that I've explained it, isn't it?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Knit Wits, Part 3: Meet Me At The Peach Pit

"Tiffany, I figure this is as good a time as any to tell you...I'm gay. Also, I just landed my first real acting gig, playing "Peach Pit Dishwasher #3" on Beverly Hills 90210. If I really prove myself, I may be able to move up to the role of "Brandon Walsh's Sideburn Double". You what they say: you gotta suck a lot of....well, you of all people know how to get ahead in this biz."

"Oh, Rick. I knew it all along. But I also have my own Hollywood plans. I just scored a totally awesome role too, playing "Side Ponytail Stand-In" for Kristy Swanson on some movie about a teenage vampire-slayer. Wicked, right? I guess doing all those splits in a cheerleader skirt finally paid off."

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Today's Post Is Brought To You By The Letters "F" and "U"

Which stands for "Forty?!...Ugh...". (What did you think I meant?)

Happy 40th Birthday, Sesame Street! It's hard to believe that as of yesterday Sesame Street has been running for 40 years. (!!) I feel so old. Now that most of the characters have wrong-sounding voices, maybe it's time for the show to gracefully take a bow, though it'll be a sad day when it does. It's a double-edged sword, isn't it? You don't want a huge chunk of your youth to be gone forever, yet you don't want it to turn all sorts of wrong, either. Darn you Sesame Street, for making me overthink your relevance!

I know I've shown this picture once before some time back, but it's seriously my most favorite picture of the people in your neighborhood. If I were to get a tattoo that'd I regret when I was 80, it'd be of this:

After 40 years of singing about ladybug picnics, being roommates with an angry in-the-closet OCD bottlecap collector, living in a garbage can with a worm who's the only person that can stand being around you, having one-sided conversations with a pet goldfish, being the only vegetarian vampire who's spends his days counting random things for apparently no good reason, falling down stairs with 12 coconut cream pies, singing songs with celebrities that no 5 year old could possibly know, living among 2 furry octopus-like monsters from outer space who are scared of ringing telephones and enabling a future-diabetic's cookie problem, it's no wonder the gang of Sesame Street turned to a life of crime.

Way-Out Wednesday: Cold Feet.

Welcome to another week of Way-Out Wednesday, folks! This week, I didn't pick anything vintage for a change, and it's not so much creepy or gross (except to me, because I'm uptight and have issues with feet) but it *is* artsy and craftsy, something I always appreciate in a person, so I give props to the seller & creator of the...well, you'll see soon enough...

I think today's post can really help out those of you who need to start thinking about holiday gifts for those hard-to-shop-for types in your family. Maybe I should post some sort of "Strange & Unusual Shopping Guide" every Wednesday. I'm here to help! In order for me to better assess if today's Way-Out Wednesday pick will fit your gift-giving needs, I'll need you to answer a few quick questions:

1.) Is the person you're shopping for over the age of 50?

2.) Does the person you're shopping for own more than 6 cats?

3.) Is the person you're shopping for a retired art teacher, home ec teacher or some form of trade in the gardening industry?

4.) Does the person you're shopping for have a lovable nickname known throughout the family that includes the word "wacky" or "crazy", ie: "Did you hear? Crazy Aunt Millie had her cat stuffed and mounted on the front of her car for a hood ornament."

5.) Does the person you're shopping for have any of these things in their front yard:
* A birdbath made out of an old toilet?
* A planter of flowers made out of an old clawfoot tub?
* A plywood cutout of a lady bending over wearing polka dot bloomers? (Also acceptable: A wood cutout of the silhouette of a cowboy leaning back on a post.)
* Christmas lights that are up year 'round, although by July a string of them fell down and is now being dragged across the yard and down into a groundhog hole?

If you answered "yes" (or in some cases "Oh my gawd yes") to one or more of these questions, you're in luck! I may have the perfect gift for you to bestow upon your relative:

Why, yes! It's true! It's a white canvas slip-on sneaker from Kmart painted to look like they're actually sandals with your toes sticking out.

What's that you say? You're more in the market for generic Keds in faux-look denim?


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Atomic Tuesday: A Star Is Worn

Howdy, kids! Ready for this week's Atomic Tuesday? I thought so. I know you so well.

It's a little late coming to you today, but I had a Very Important phone interview with a Very Important person this afternoon and so I'm a bit behind on, well, stuff. Exciting! Zing! Wee! Huzzah! (Enter any other annoying sounds a person makes when they're happy, X here X.) I'll be sure to post about my interview with a link to where it's published when I get the go-ahead to do so. In the meantime, I can tell you that I got to ramble on about 1950's juvenile delinquent fashion & style--which is considered "rockabilly" by modern comparison, minus all the questionable dice and cherries and bowling shirts with martini glasses on them. Not that I'm anti repro clothing, in fact there are good aspects of repro fashion lines (such as offering a wide availability of sizes that otherwise would be hard to obtain in vintage clothing)- but I just don't dig when certain companies bastardize an entire decade into a generic fashion cliche that isn't even all that accurate to begin with, making the whole era seem like it spewed forth from the bowels of the set of Grease. I digress. Moving forward.

Today's atomic pick is this Vintage 50's Aqua Atomic Starburst Dress.

It's too cool, right? Dig the closeup!:

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Prints Charming Sunday: (I Hope That Someone Gets My) Message In A Bottle

Welcome to Prints Charming Sunday! I think today's novelty print pick is so awesome, I almost can't stand it. On second thought, I definitely can't stand it, it's just that rad. It's this coolio Vintage 50's/60's Ship in a Bottle Novelty Print Blouse.

If I could cram my bod into it, I would totally rock it with high-waisted cigarette pants or 50's jeans with stacks of chunky red plastic bangles and dangly red plastic earrings of some sort. Love!

(How many people have the Police song stuck in your head now? Ha ha, that's my Sunday gift to you. Accept it. Could be worse, you know. Could be something from the Spice Girls. So you're welcome.)