tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48244041570524323502024-03-17T02:53:33.889-04:00The Girl Can't Help It Vintage BlogTake one part vintage, one part snark, shake vigorously. Makes a delicious vintage blog! Add your own grain of salt. Kim @ The Girl Can't Help Ithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02667141640240118846noreply@blogger.comBlogger595125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824404157052432350.post-86384154007293231692011-05-18T11:04:00.007-04:002011-05-18T11:33:59.590-04:00Way-Out Wednesday: Come On Baby! Let's Do The Hypno-Twist!Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!
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<br />Exercise, shmexercise. I've gotten so bored with my daily exercise routine lately, I could fall asleep on the treadmill. I sure wish there was some sort of new-fangled contraption out there to make working out fun again. Fun- and <span style="font-style:italic;">hep.</span> Something that combines my love of Chubby Checker <span style="font-style:italic;">AND</span> precariously gripping onto a lazy susan for dear life before inevitably losing my balance and plunging head-first to the floor in a predictably ugly broken hip accident.
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<br />Well now there is!
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<br /><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e83/tothemoonalice02/blog%20photos/il_fullxfull238644463.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
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<br />Ever since I discovered the <span style="font-style:italic;">Hypno-Twist</span>, I spend less time on the treadmill, and more time in the hospital! Thanks, Hypno-Twist!
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<br />(See? It really IS basically a lazy susan-- but with polka dots. That makes all the difference.)
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/72796866/vintage-60s-hypno-twist-family-exerciser"target_blank>Vintage 60's Hypno-Twist Family Exerciser Exercise Disc</a> (and dig that supremely cool packaging! Squee!) is currently available on Etsy from <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/VintageFanAttic"target_blank>Vintage FanAttic</a>.
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<br />Anyway, welcome to a better-late-than-never Way-Out Wednesday!
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<br />Now, let me preface this by saying I can't/won't/am too hungover to/or don't care enough to validate the authenticity of today's vintage pick. I have *no* idea if it's real, I don't know the seller from a hole in the ground or more importantly, if it's worth the crazy-ass price tag that goes with it. But I do know it's pretty crazy-ass in general and also weird and wonderful and freak show cool, so <span style="font-style:italic;">that</span>, my friends, is worth all the money in the world! (Well, no. It's not. Like, at all. But the sentiment sure sounded nice, didn't it?)
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<br />I present to you, Gator Girl:
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<br />Why yes, it (allegedly) IS a <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/71824391/1930s-sideshow-banner-incredibly-strange"target_blank>Vintage 30's Ripley's Believe It or Not Sideshow Poster</a>, thanks for asking.
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<br />If you ask me, the gator (oh, sorry, <span style="font-style:italic;">croc</span>) mugging in the background is the show. He should be wearing a tiny top hat and a monocle. And smoking a cigar. And Gator Girl should have an eye patch, like a pirate. With a lizard hanging out of her mouth. And missing a tooth or 2. Then it would <span style="font-style:italic;">rule.</span>
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<br />Sorry for the lapse in posting, friends! You can expect more weirdness like this off and on for the next couple months, with some regular ol' life changes going on (not like, menopause or anything, sheesh, I make it sound like a geriatric commercial or something), and I may not be around much (temporarily! only temporarily!), so please hang in there and bear with me!
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<br />Anyway, today's vintage novelty print is uber-perfecto for summer coming up! I'm sure it's been blogged about before elsewhere, but frankly my dears, I don't give a damn. It's charming! It's fun! It's seriously outta my price range!
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<br />May I present, this <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/60428347/pin-up-vintage-40s-1940s-50s-1950s-vlv?ref=sr_gallery_33&ga_search_query=novelty+print&ga_search_type=vintage&ga_facet=vintage"target_blank>Vintage 40's Swordfish Novelty Print Rayon Pinup Swimsuit</a>:
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<br />I know I show alot of scary-ass vintage clown items around here for Way-Out Wednesdays, for which I can only say: "<span style="font-style:italic;">you're welcome."</span> But clowns are just beyond unnerving. Give me spiders, give me snakes, give me brain-eating zombies. I'll party with all of 'em. But clowns?! Oh <span style="font-style:italic;">hells</span> no. Clowns are the worst.
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<br />As is <span style="font-style:italic;">this:</span>
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<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">!!!</span>
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<br />As if his face wasn't just totally warm and inviting (mass murder much?), this thing is actually a kid's lamp. A. <span style="font-style:italic;">Lamp.</span> This thing looks like when you try to turn it on, it turns itself right off. Like the cheesy plot of any Stephen King novel. <span style="font-style:italic;">Children of the Clown Lamp.</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">Clown Lamp Sematary.</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">Sometimes Clown Lamps Come Back.</span>
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<br />You're welcome.
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/71574089/vintage-clown-night-light-nite-lite-odd"target_blank>Vintage Plastic Clown Electric Light</a> is available on Etsy from seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/theartfloozy"target_blank>The Art Floozy.</a>
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<br />I apologize for the lateness of today's post- I've been slackified by reading all the live long day today-- on my new Look Book reader. I swore I would never, <span style="font-style:italic;">ever</span> buy a Kindle or a Lookbook or <span style="font-style:italic;">any</span> brand of e-reader for that matter. I'm not one who's easily impressed by technology or people who need to keep up with it. The Joneses can sprint right on past me with their high-tech gadgets, overpriced Starbucks and brand new SUVS. I've always, my entire life since about birth, had a 1940's "make do and mend" mentality instilled in me. The same goes for books. I love that instant vibe you get when you walk into a library and begin pacing the aisles until you see a crackly leather-bound calling your name. I love the feel of pages of brittle, yellowed, dry paper between my fingers and the musty "old book smell" that drifts out of it. And I ain't talking about a trip to Borders. The whole going-to-the-library process is tradition, spending rainy days sitting in old leather club chairs or sitting on the floorby the window can't ever be replaced. Call me a sentimental fool or a nostalgic sap, I don't mind. But when the opportunity to buy a brand spanking new Lookbook for 30 bucks came up, well, even *I* was dragged into the 21st century. (But I gotta tell you, pushing a button to turn a page just ain't doing it for me.)
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<br />So for today's vintage novelty print, I wanted to find something book-related for a theme, because themes are great! They're my <span style="font-style:italic;">raison d'etre</span>. But alas, no book novelty prints. However, in the theme of all-things-nerdy, I did find a wonderfully geeky print...
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<br />Paper clips!
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/70928807/green-cotton-white-paper-clip-spiral"target_blank>Vintage Green Paper Clip Novelty Print Cotton Jacket</a> is currently available on Etsy from seller Bred Vintage.
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<br />Perfect for a walk to the library, isn't it?...
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<br />It's Way-Out Wednesday time!
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<br />Harrison Ford really let himself go.
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<br />Oh, those wacky 80's. An unshaven, scruffy, rugged manly man, smoking a cigar, holding a beer, wearing a bejeweled fairy princess dress in sneakers, no less?! Really? I guess this was still considered funny in the 1980's. I have to disagree. It's friggin' <span style="font-style:italic;">hilarious.</span>
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<br />Circa 1985 <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/68499331/want-a-wish-greeting-card?ref=sr_gallery_32&ga_search_query=weird&ga_page=21&ga_search_type=vintage&ga_facet=vintage"target_blank>Vintage "Want a wish?....You'll have to kiss the wand" Greeting Card</a> is available on Etsy from seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/WanderingiVintage"target_blank>Wandering Vintage</a>.
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<br />Today's vintage novelty print pick makes me infinitely happy for no real reason, other than it's so summery cute it hurts. Or maybe because it looks like something that an Annette Funicello, Sandra Dee or any other generic Gidget-y character would wear in any generic, early 60's, non-Elvis, bad acting, highly unrealistic, low-grade beach movie. You know the plot: teen girl sings duets while learning valuable life lessons when she and her perfect nuclear family go to the beach for summer vacay and she of COURSE makes her Dad worried when she falls in love with the ONE random beatnik-ish surfer type (who's actually a pretty big weenie and would get his ass kicked on a daily basis by REAL beatnik-y surfer types, but for Disney's purpose he's "bad" enough) and oh yeah, throw in a screwball biker gang that hasn't ever committed any real crimes, other than perhaps jaywlking (gasp! not jaywalking!!) for some wacky hijinks involving a band, a bonfire and someone driving his bike off the pier and THAT, my friends, more or less sums up every awesomely bad 1960's beach movie ever made.
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<br />And THIS more or less looks like what any girl in that movie would wear:
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<br />Charming little <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/65333578/vintage-1950s-60s-novelty-print-beach?ref=sr_gallery_33&ga_search_query=novelty+print+VFG&ga_order=date_desc&ga_page=2&ga_search_type=vintage&ga_facet=vintage"target_blank>Vintage 60's Novelty Beach Print Top</a> is currently available on Etsy from seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/LessThanPerfect"target_blank>Less Than Perfect Vintage</a>.
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<br />Didja miss me, like I missed the heck out of you guys?! It took me a little longer than I thought to come back for my triumphant return, crawling back from the brink of death-by-plague (not really), for which I slightly apologize. Thanks to all you sweet faces that sent me some well-wishin' and emails saying "Where the hell are you?!", and "Are you dead or what?!" but mostly "Hot and lonely overweight men want to meet you now, on Zoosk!" But seriously, it was no big whoop just an ass-kicking flu. Still, you guys rock and I lurve you all. (Sadly this lovefest will end momentarily when I drop a heavy dose of Way-Out Wednesday fuckuppery on y'all.)
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<br />And so, I give you...
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<br />It Knows What You Did Last Summer. But don't worry. It won't tell... but it's gonna cost you.
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<br />Ick. Is he thinking about what part of you he's gonna eat first, or does he just look like your average, run-of-the mill perv clown, wondering what part of you to fondle first? Either way, you're screwed. (Ba-dum, ching!)
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<br />Ahh, it's good to be back.
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<br />Creeptastic <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/70941570/kinda-creepy-needlework-clown-picture"target_blank>Vintage Needlepoint Framed Clown Picture</a> available on Etsy from seller Old and New Boutique.
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<br />Anyway, I hope none of you are battling the plague like I, but if you are, Nurse Manhands here will take good care of you.
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<br />I'm sure by now most of you have heard the sad news of Elizabeth Taylor's passing. Fashion icon, style maven, Hollywood royalty, all-around goddess. But I'm not gonna dwell on the sad. You know how I roll when it comes to dealing with hard times or sadness or those pesky things humans called "emotions"- I lighten the mood with something out of the ordinary. Well, "out of the ordinary" might be too vague. I actually should say <span style="font-style:italic;">ghastly.</span> So I guess the mood won't be so light after all. Hmm. At any rate, feast your eyes upon the crazy:
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<br />It's a baby. Sewn into the corner of a handkerchief. For no apparent reason other than to to torture the recipient of this special "gift" with night terrors.
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<br />Ok, I *get* that it's probably a baby shower thing, like a favor or something. But I mean, really. REALLY?!
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<br />Don't get me wrong, I freaking <span style="font-style:italic;">worship</span> this thing. Creepy doll parts = eternal awesome. But as a party favor for the impending birth of a human? Not so much. However, the flip side of this hankie pretty much <span style="font-style:italic;">rules</span>:
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<br />Bottoms up!
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/68940932/vintage-pink-baby-crochet-handkerchief"target_blank>Vintage Pink Baby Crochet Handkerchief Plastic Toy Hankie</a> is currently available to torture a loved one from Etsy seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/daisyfairbanks"target_blank>Daisy Fairbanks</a>.
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<br />Hot jumping jebus on a griddle, it's the first day of spring. Can you even stand it? I can't. I'm besides myself with jubilation and gid. Can you not tell? Seriously though, I'm just so glad snow and ice and flood-y basements are done and over with! Gone are overpriced shovels and cracked plastic ice scrapers and salty boots. Except... we have snow in the forecast here in the northeast for the week, so that sort of blows the whole shiny happy vibe to hell in a hand basket, doesn't it? But damn the snow, notwithstanding, it's spring nonetheless!<span style="font-weight:bold;">*</span>
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<br />To celebrate<span style="font-weight:bold;">**</span> this here first day-o-spring, I present to you this biblically fabulous <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/70257538/vintage-1940s-50s-garden-of-eden-novelty?ref=sr_gallery_25&ga_search_query=novelty+print&ga_search_type=vintage&ga_facet=vintage"target_blank>Vintage 50's Garden of Eden Novelty Print Dress</a>, currently available on Etsy from seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/RevolvingStyles"target_blank>Revolving Styles</a>:
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<br />It's not the greatest closeup, but can you see it's a scene of a nudie Adam & Eve with the snake lurking in the tree? Cute! Tree-hugging streakers and a suggestive, phallic reptile? Sounds about right. It must be spring.
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<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">*</span> Side note, part 1: I've been wanting to drop schmancy words like "nonetheless" and "notwithstanding" on y'all for a while now. Impressed? I figured.
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<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">**</span> Side note, part deux: who exactly literally <span style="font-style:italic;">celebrates</span> the first day of spring? (Or the first day of anything for that matter.) Pagans? Ancestral witches? Ancient druids? Celtic warlocks? I must know who you season revelers are! I'll wait.
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<br />Celebrating St. Patrick's Day with green beer is for roofie-toting frat guys. Instead, why not class the joint up and toast with a good ol' fashioned mug-o-Irish coffee? Perfect. I have the recipe for you, here, on this <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/51359496/vintage-irish-linen-leprechauns-and"target_blank>Vintage Irish Coffee Leprechaun Linen Novelty Tea Towel</a>:
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<br />Hot damn, do the Irish know how to party or <span style="font-style:italic;">what?!</span> You may think that's a recipe printed on the scroll he's holding, but no. It's actually the directions to the meth lab off of Route 7 behind old man McMurphy's barn where our strung-out leprechaun friend makes the stuff. If you ask me, there's alot more to be said for Irish coffee if it makes you <span style="font-style:italic;">this</span> happy.
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<br />(The secret is crack cocaine.)
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<br />Upon waking this morning, I realized the day would play out like a 1950's cheesy sci-fi movie- The Flooded Basement of Doom, starring me and a now-underwater basement. If you haven't heard, the east coast is all doom-and-gloom/end of the world, thanks to a molotov cocktail combo of melting snow and heavy downpours. Joy. Hopefully everyone out there is safe and sound! (Maybe I'll check in tomorrow with a damage report, since there is a mother load of it. Double joy.)
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<br />So while I've got this gross wet basement nightmare to deal with for the rest of the day and night, it's only fitting that today's vintage aqua pick also has something to do with water- you know, just not cold, dirty and loaded with germs for the whole family!- this <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/61412687/vintage-pool-furniture-side-tables?image_id=191506896"target_blank>Vintage 50's Aqua & Olive Poolside Tables</a>, available on Etsy from seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/FunkyQuailVintage"target_blank>Funky Quail Vintage</a>:
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<br />Today's Way-Out Wednesday banner is apropos, given the fact that we're dealing with clowns. Consider THAT your official warning, my friends. I know how much you all <span style="font-style:italic;">love</span> clowns and are not <span style="font-style:italic;">all</span> terrified by them. In fact, I'm sure you'd like it if <span style="font-style:italic;">every</span> day was "scary-as-hell clown day" wouldn't you? Ha! I'm just kidding, simmer down there clownophobes, no need to panic. <span style="font-style:italic;">Yet.</span>
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<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Now</span> you should panic. This is on a nightgown, people.
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<br />You heard me. <span style="font-style:italic;">A.</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">Nightgown.</span> What sort of lunatic nutbag thought <span style="font-style:italic;">these guys</span> would be awesome to put on something that should, for it's very purpose in life, NOT give you nightmares?! If no one has hunted down the creator of this nightmare-inducer like the swine pig psycho that he is, someone should. Now.
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/69547199/the-scary-clown-mumu"target_blank>Vintage 80's Scary Clown Nightgown</a> is currently available on Etsy from seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/DianesCloset"target_blank>Diane's Closet</a>, for $10. A meager price to pay for a most excellently devious gift to give to your mother-in-law, thin-as-a-rail friend who can eat a can of lard and not gain weight, the neighbor whose dog insists on using your yard as it's personal toilet, or anyone else you hate.
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<br />Usually I pick out something more...what's the word...<span style="font-style:italic;">fashion-y (?)</span>... for our weekly themes, but today's vintage novelty print is so charming I had to show you guys! It's this really cute <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/67190136/vintage-valentine-1940s-silk-fox-trot"target_blank>Vintage 40's Dancing Foxes Novelty Print Silk Scarf</a>, available on Etsy from seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/LoulousVintage"target_blank>Loulou's Vintage</a>:
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<br />I like that they look slightly sinister, like they can't <span style="font-style:italic;">wait</span> for the song to be over so they can get to sabotaging each other. I wish I knew how to properly rock a scarf, so I could be <span style="font-style:italic;">all</span> over this. I bet it'd look equally as cool if it were framed though, don'tcha think? (Also: how, precisely, does one spell "don'tcha"? Because that looks incredibly stupid and wrong.)
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<br />Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!
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<br />Uncle Guiseppe the Creepy Perv Organ Grinder Monkey waits for you to fall asleep. Uncle Guiseppe the Creepy Perv Organ Grinder Monkey is gonna touch you while you sleep. And smell your hair. And probably try on your brand new Manolos. And then eat the other half of your Italian sub from Subway that you were planning on taking to work tomorrow.
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<br />Uncle Guiseppe the Creepy Perv Organ Grinder Monkey is pretty sure you're gonna like it. You know- the being touched part. Not the "finding your size 7 heels stretched out and smelling like garlic-scented feet sweat and having your sandwich scarfed during a midnight pot bender by your bedbug-riddled, deadbeat primate of a roommate" part.
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<br />Inspiration for today vintage pick, this weirdly awesome <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/68394160/vintage-50s-creepy-organ-grinder-plush?ref=sr_gallery_27&ga_search_query=+creepy&ga_page=4&ga_search_type=vintage&ga_facet=vintage"taregt_blank>Vintage 50's Organ Grinder Monkey Yarn Doll</a> is currently offered for sale on Etsy from seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/shopvaluablevintage"target_blank>Valuable Vintage</a>.
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<br />I don't know if any of you guys remember this trend or can relate, but back in the early 90's I recall everyone (at least, everyone in <span style="font-style:italic;">my</span> podunk neck of the woods) got crazy into collecting angels and cherubs. Angel candles, angel garden statues, angel jewelry, books about angles, all kinds of angel crap. Hell, you couldn't swing a bag of cats (huh?) without hitting a wall graced with a poster of Raphael's damn cherubs- remember these little scamps?:
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<br />Not that I have anything against angels or cherubs or <span style="font-style:italic;">anything</span> celestial for that matter. It's just that when you see floating heads with wings <span style="font-style:italic;">all. the. damn. time.</span>, it doesn't take long before you're sick to death of it. Like your husband. Or those little people who keep calling you "mom." So way back then I swore no more angels, ever. None with wings or ones that sing, none with gossamer gowns or wearing crowns, none playing mandolins or violins or holding lutes or carrying flutes. (Suck on THAT, Dr. Seuss.)
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<br />So color me shocked! surprised! amused! that I found a pretty dandy vintage novelty print dress today of cherubs that <span style="font-style:italic;">doesn't</span> make me wanna puke. (That's a compliment to the dress and seller, I assure you.)
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<br />And lo, the skies cleared and angels sang alleluia, allowing a single beam of sunlight to shine down upon this:
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<br />It's cute, right? I love the non-overly girlie colorway. Plus, little Rambo here looks seriously ticked off, like he's ready to bust a cap in yo' ass with his bow and arrow, so that pretty much rules.
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/68825759/1940s-cupid-novelty-print-rayon-taffeta"target_blank>Vintage 40's Cupid Novelty Print Rayon Dress</a> is available on Etsy from seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheVintageStudio"target_blank>The Vintage Studio</a>.
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<br />Days like today- you know: rainy/snowy/cloudy/grey/cold/crappy/still wintery- make me feel like spring will <span style="font-style:italic;">neeeever</span> get here and we'll all be buried under mounds of dirty-ass snow for the rest of our lives until death do us part. (Cheerful, no?) But then you see a cute and happy lil' frock like this <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/61552074/vintage-50s-early-60s-pastel-polka-dot?ref=sr_gallery_12&ga_search_query=50%26%2339%3Bs+aqua+dress&ga_page=4&ga_search_type=vintage&ga_facet=vintage"target_blank>Vintage 60's Aqua Polka Dot Wiggle Dress</a> and you think that even if we never see warm weather again, at least we can take solace in knowing that our carcasses can at least be <span style="font-style:italic;">buried</span> in a cute frock like this and sometimes, just knowing <span style="font-style:italic;">that</span> is enough to get you through days like these. (Wow. Cheerful, no?)
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<br />Behold, the happy cuteness! Polka dots- always great! Aqua- never bad! The price- pretty decent!
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<br />Now if someone can do something about the weather, that'd be great. Wake me in a month.
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<br /><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e83/tothemoonalice02/banners%20and%20logos/Blog%20banners/PrintsCharmingSunday.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
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<br />You know, I was all set to try and find a sweet and romantic (albeit generic) rose print for today's theme. I know, I know, roses are hardly news-worthy OR that much of a novelty, but being as though it's Valentine's Day coming up and all (in case you forgot) I thought I'd go the cliche route and write about them. But then I found a print that rocked my socks off (whatever that means) because not only is it roses (aww sweet, blech) but it's also a novelty print (huzzah!). And what a combo at that! I give you:
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<br />Roses and...Mexican dancers? With fans? And sombreros, even? Perfecto! Not too syrup-y, not too wacky, not too...Valentine's Day-y...just right! Plus, it's not tiny!...unlike the dancers on the it. (Thank you! I'll be here all night!)
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<br /><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e83/tothemoonalice02/blog%20photos/il_570xN192147025.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/61601938/vintage-40s-rose-fiesta-print-dress?ref=sr_gallery_22&ga_search_query=rose%2Bnovelty%2Bprint&ga_search_type=vintage"target_blank>Vintage 40's Rayon Novelty Print Tiered Peplum Dress</a> is available on Etsy from seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/ClubVintage"target_blank>Club Vintage</a>.
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<br />As promised, I've been spotlighting vintage Valentine's Day cards that are a little off-center. A little wacky. A little psychotic. So for today's finale, I'm showing off not just one, but <span style="font-style:italic;">five</span> of my current favorites! Because all this crazy should be shared.
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/67175033/to-my-valentine-postcard-drinking-humor"target_blank>Vintage Valentine #1:</a>
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<br />Alcoholism is <span style="font-style:italic;">super</span> romantic.
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/67766194/vintage-valentine-card-lets-be-valentine?ref=sr_gallery_35&ga_search_query=valentine%2Bcard&ga_search_type=vintage"target_blank>Vintage Valentine #2:</a>
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<br /><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e83/tothemoonalice02/blog%20photos/il_570xN215785784.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
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<br />I think this is what is called <span style="font-style:italic;">harassment.</span> Oh wait! Sorry, it's called <span style="font-style:italic;">love.</span>
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/65069060/my-heart-iss-broke-valentine-postcard"target_blank>Vintage Valentine #3:</a>
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<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Knowing</span> why you're a loveless, friendless, dateless asshole is the first step.
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/52463405/vintage-valentine-card-little-girl-with"target_blank>Vintage Valentine #4:</a>
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<br />Raggedy Andy was just <span style="font-style:italic;">asking</span> for it.
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/67586268/cute-foldaway-valentine-card-vvc0019"target_blank>Vintage Valentine #5:</a>
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<br />Hey, at least he's being honest.
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<br />Today's pick for Atomic Tuesday is <span style="font-style:italic;">so</span> cool, <span style="font-style:italic;">so</span> mid-century modern in it's wackiness, I thought maybe it was just a really, really good repro. But no. It's the real deal and spec-freaking-tacular. It's almost as if the creator of this said "Hey, it's the 1950's! I'm gonna design a print that is so totally 50's, it'll be crazy!" It's kind of like when someone you know recommends going to a diner that "you're just gonna LOVE" because it's "soooo 50's", and then you get there and the place is SCREAMING cliche, with it's checkerboard floors, repro tin signs of I Love Lucy, and a poster of Elvis, Marilyn and James Dean playing pool on the walls. Because that's <span style="font-style:italic;">exactly</span> what real, "Mom and Pop" type diners in the 1950's looked like. And all the people in the diner were talking about how 50's it was of them to be sitting in a diner, drinking milkshakes and playing Buddy Holly on their tabletop jukeboxes. <span style="font-style:italic;">Riiiight.</span> So today's pick is just like that. Only not.
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<br />The thing of which I speak:
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<br />Awesome, right? First of all, it's PINK, which rules...
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<br />...wacky animal wall hangers...Paris print, 'natch...
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<br />...hot damn, a fiberglass drum floor lamp (?!)...glasses of iced tea in the holder...magazine rack....
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<br />....shish kebabs hanging by the fireplace ...zig-zag wrought iron log stand...and a starburst clock?! Are you kidding me?!...
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<br />(OK, I want everything in each picture so far...and a house that looks this iconic, all the time...)
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<br />...And of COURSE, the standard rooster. Because it was apparently the poultry of choice in interior design from about 1950 to 1970, since they show up EVERYWHERE and on EVERYTHING. (Well, those and eagles. Just can't escape either one.)
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<br />This superb <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/67589353/vintage-mid-century-eames-tablecloth"target_Blank>Vintage 50's Quintessential Mid-Century Modern "Interior Scenes" Tablecloth</a> is available for $34 from seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/NeatoKeen"target_blank>Neato Keen</a>.
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<br />Did today's title get "the Love Boat" theme song stuck in your head? Ha! That is my gift to you. I've been thinking alot about Valentine's Day themed titles for blog posts, and the stinking freaking Love Boat won't leave my brain. Bah! Damn you stupid 1970's awesomely crappy tv shows. Now, normally I'm all about wacky novelty prints from the 40's and 50's. I don't generally "do" novelty prints from the 1970's (it just ain't my bag, baby) but then in an interesting twist of ironic irony, I came across a 1970's novelty print that's so very fitting to go with today's Love Boat era/valentines-y theme that I couldn't <span style="font-style:italic;">not</span> show it off. (Did you enjoy that double negative that I dropped on you just there, grammar nazis? I thought you might.)
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<br />Ta-da! So polyester-y. So butterfly collar-y. So...<span style="font-style:italic;">70's</span>. What's that Julie? I'm wanted on the Lido deck for cocktail hour with Captain Stubing and celebrity guest stars Charo and Tom Jones? Be right there! I'm just pulling on my tight-fitting polyester shirt then we'll party hardy until we pass out or dock in Puerto Vallarta, whichever comes first!
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<br />(Who me, watch too many classic TV reruns? Never.)
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<br /><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/67282033/vintage-70s-love-and-kisses-heart-print"target_blank>Vintage 70's "Love and Kisses" Novelty Print Shirt</a> is offered by seller Wunderbar Vintage</a>.
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<br /><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e83/tothemoonalice02/banners%20and%20logos/Blog%20banners/Valentine%20Blog%20Banner/ValHorror.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
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<br />For all you fans of unnecessary quotation marks, you'll probably enjoy today's pick. Fans of anthropomorphism, you'll like the dumbass, cartoony face of today's pick. Fans of turning everyday objects into filthy "bedroom items" will surely appreciate today's pick. And finally, fans of suggestive double entendres, well I'm sure you pervs will have a field day with today's pick.
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<br />I give you this <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/66244591/lets-do-our-thing-vintage-valentines-day?ref=sr_gallery_10&ga_search_query=weird%2Bvalentine&ga_search_type=vintage&show_panel=true"target_blank>Vintage 60's "Thing" Valentine's Day Card", from Etsy seller Orbiting Debris</a>:
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<br />Oh my sweet doily hat-wearing, toilet paper cardboard tube hair spray can vibrator, I've been waiting for the day you'd ask me to do a "thing" with you! One quick question though: you do, of course, mean we should file our taxes together, right? That's so sweet! You make <span style="font-style:italic;">everything</span> groovy.
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<br />Vintage Valentine's Day cards from the 1940's and 50's are one of my most favorite things. Not for their lovely-dovey, sugar sweet "I-can't-live-without-you" sentiment (<span style="font-style:italic;">ptooey</span>) but for their psychotic, obsessive, and deeply disturbing "I-can't-live-without-you" kind of crazy. So to kick off today's theme, I present to you this <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/66243138/watching-you-bizarre-vintage-mechanical?ref=sr_gallery_2&ga_search_query=creepy%2Bvalentine&ga_search_type=vintage"target_blank>Vintage 40's Moving Eyes & Tongue Valentine Card</a>, available on Etsy from seller <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/OrbitingDebris"target_blank>Orbiting Debris</a>:
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<br />I had to read the listing before I "got" that the blob with 6 eyes is actually a <span style="font-style:italic;">potato</span>. A potato <span style="font-style:italic;">man</span>, sorry. A potato man who's one obsession-driven step away from installing hidden video cameras in your house, cutting his hair to match yours and boiling your pet bunny. Ain't love grand.
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