Knit Wits, Part 8: You Talkin' To Me?"

Today's Knit Wits inspiration comes from Etsy seller Loopy Lush- it's this Vintage Arran Knit Sweater Book.




Robert De Niro wants you to know 2 things: he likes his women older and his kids on the next bus to Grandma's. Oh, and one more thing: he wants you to know that if you don't like his smart, green sweater vest & red striped shirt combo, he'll put a friggin' bullet in your friggin' head then gut you from neck to navel like the swine that you are, roast your carcass over the flames of your burning house and serve you with a nice chianti. The man likes his sweaters.

Way-Out Wednesday: Love Me, Love My Hot Mess.

You know how much I love mocking vintage Spinnerin sweater patterns, right? But this Vintage Sweater Booklet is spawned from hell ... or at least just looks like it came from the unholy union of satan and the Duggar family. I have no words for this...





...Oh wait. I DO have words, and they are "oh my god, my eyes have permanently fused shut, what the hell is going on with this family?!" I realise this was from 1991. I realise the hokey title of the booklet is a hokey play on the hokey phrase "love me, love my mess", so popular in the 1980's as seen on wooden plaques hung in the kitchen. But this family. I mean...what the hell? Are they one of those western religious sects of Sister Wives and their dozens of creepy children of the corn? If they are, whatever, so be it. But I neither comprehend nor accept the extreme fugliness of this family.

Knit Wits, Part 5: A Very Brady Manslaughter

Mike Brady is in deep thought, wondering if his sideburns are perfectly symmetrical and if this sweater makes him look a little too gay, while ignoring Cindy and the imminent plunge to her death from the 2nd story window. Kitty Karryall is safely indoors, so at least it's not a total loss.





Vintage 60's Sweater Pattern currently available from Etsy seller PrairieWool.)

Knit Wits, Part 3: Meet Me At The Peach Pit

"Tiffany, I figure this is as good a time as any to tell you...I'm gay. Also, I just landed my first real acting gig, playing "Peach Pit Dishwasher #3" on Beverly Hills 90210. If I really prove myself, I may be able to move up to the role of "Brandon Walsh's Sideburn Double". You what they say: you gotta suck a lot of....well, you of all people know how to get ahead in this biz."


"Oh, Rick. I knew it all along. But I also have my own Hollywood plans. I just scored a totally awesome role too, playing "Side Ponytail Stand-In" for Kristy Swanson on some movie about a teenage vampire-slayer. Wicked, right? I guess doing all those splits in a cheerleader skirt finally paid off."