Call Me

I think I'm going to start a new installment on this ding dang blog called Weird Wednesdays. Or something. I don't know, that name's not set in stone, people. It's a little too cliche, I know. But for now let's just roll with "Weird Wednesdays" unless someone else can think of something better to call it.

Moving forward. Please enjoy the inspiration for Weird Wednesday (Or "Name Pending"). Brace yourself, it is FUG and SCARY and SCARY FUG and might make you queeze if you have a weak stomach:

....

Now's the time to walk away, pansiefolk, and get yourself a Mr. Pibb.

....


Get ready to feast your eyes on the freak show which is called the:

"VISIBLE MAN/WOMAN Rotary Torso Phone Outsider Art 1970s
Hermaphrodite Tested Works hand made Folk Sculpture"



What. The. Frick. It's a telephone, but it's art? It's a terrorphone. (Sounds like Engrish. Ha!) The nipple! Not good. The vintage-iness of it is so-called 70's, but you can take any old phone laying around and build a flesh-eating diseased, paper mache carcass around it and call it vintage, so that's debatable. But whatever, that's the least of my concern. It's "hermaphrodite tested"? I was not aware of hermaphrodites' excellence in phone-testing skills. Huh. Learn something new every day.*




It's a man, baby.




So...it's a woman? I don't get it. Oh! Ohh....OH. Now I get it. It's a hermaphrodite phone. That makes sense now. Wait...No it doesn't.




Oh sweet moses. I wasn't ready for that. I WASN'T READY! You'd be glad to know it's a real working phone. In the market for a skinned torso he/she phone? (And who isn't?) You can bid on it now, on ebay. From Hang Fire Books. You're welcome.


*No hermaphrodites were harmed in the making of this phone. Although, good taste and humor have pretty much been obliterated.

Ain't She Sweet

Barbie turns 50 this month, having made her debut in March, 1959! Who knew people thought she's still socially relevant? Well, not that she ever really was, but damn if that girl didn't have the best friggin' closet. Excluding the plastic stripper heels, they were and always will be fug. The plastic doll that could, Barbie's look and career (Ha! Like girls have careers) sure have changed with each passing era. Although we all want to root for Veterinarian Barbie or Stewardess -nay- Flight Attendant Barbie, you know you're not kidding anyone because every girl loved the vapid Barbie best, the one who did nothing all day but cruise around in her Barbie Corvette and sit in her Barbie Hot Tub and drive to to the Barbie Nail Salon in her Barbie RV. (The "poor kids" made hot tubs out of water-filled zip lock bags. FAIL. Not the same.) I personally enjoyed the Barbie-as-Bimbo eras best, never owned a Lawyer Barbie or Doctor Barbie, but had just about every pink, sparkling, tulle gown monstrosities created. And not once did I ever compare myself to her or get an eating disorder and a boob job to compete with her image, so put that in your un-PC Barbie Cigarette Holder and smoke it.



To honor her 50th birfday designers including Vera Wang, Badgley Mischka, Tommy Hilfilger and Calvin Klein designed Barbie-inspired fashions throughout her years for New York's Fashion Week last month at Bryant Park.

Remember your Barbie wardrobe envy:



(If I had this green ensemble, I'd wear it everywhere, yo.



(Can I just say I covet her Coal Miner's Daughter-meets-June Carpenter hairdo?)







(Would.Kill.Anyone.For.Polka.Dotty.Bathing Suit.)





(Trench coat and 1959-inspired swimsuit? Umm. Ok, I guess. whatever.)

People Are Strange

So I've been getting pictures ready for this month's giveaway and came across this awesomely cheesetastic picture which pretty requires mocking. It's from the 1958 inauguration of some random college president at the University of California and it's sort of fascinating in a "people-watching at the park" kind of way. Except it's not really fascinating, more like a way a super awesome dork like me likes to waste time. And it's not at the park. And it's a picture from the 50's. So I guess it's not really people-watching, more like...picture watching? It's not at all like people-watching, so nevermind.

The crappy picture:



Ok, ok, the faraway view isn't that entertaining, just a bunch of nerds at the stadium. But zoom in on:



It's Napoleon Dynamite. Gosh.



I have these *exact* same sunglasses! Only mine are held together with clear tape, since the pin dealies fell out of the hinges on the arms. Yeah, I'm a nerd and I deal with that every day. You should too.



Digging for gold? Busted.

(And if you haven't guessed it by now, this month's free crapola giveaway will be a vintage book! Duh. Don't you roll your eyes at me, it's a cool book! You better watch it mister, or else I'll sign you up for a year's worth of "The Watchtower" pamphlets.)