What Difference Does It Make?

Just a quickie post (I said "just a quickie" uh huh huh huh, shut up Beavis), because it's friday night and I have incredibly exciting and important and amazing and magical things not to do. But. I discovered a website that is so generally me, so wonderfully indifferent and pessimistic and magical (yeah, I don't know what's up with all the "magical" crap either) that I sort of have to share the dismal. Maybe you've already discovered it (in which case, what, you think you're better than me because you dork out on the computer longer than I do?), but if you haven't, the site is Despair.com. Before you're all "Kim, what's the haps, are you turning Goth on me? Have you been buying your clothes at Hot Topic or WHAT because you're freaking me out, man", let me say that no, I am no goth but I do love me some Smiths and generally most 80's gloomy British bands of the ilk, so back off my jock. Nay, the site sells novelty schlock like tee shirts, mouse pads, coffee mugs and that general sort of crap, but the stuff printed on them is hilariously dismal. Sounds weird, I know. But here is a sampling of some of my favorite posters, not that I'd actually buy any, but I sure do love going to the website and wasting time reading all 100-odd sayings they've got. I could marry the guy who made this stuff up. (Although, it might be a girl who invented it, in which case I'd have to wonder if she's my alternate-universe doppelganger, like in that episode of the Twilight Zone.) Good times. In a not-at-all-good-but-slightly-depressing-because-it's-true way. Behold:

Blitzkreig Bop

"What in the hell are you wearing, Mary? What are you, like, a pilgrim or something? I don't see you churning butter or wearing buckle shoes, so that can't be it. Have you converted to Mennonite? I'm pretty sure Mennonites aren't allowed to wear faux leather heels from Payless and reek of Britney Spears perfume, but I could be wrong. Maybe they're so desperate for members that they'll let any ol' skank in. Try not to spontaneously combust into flames when entering the church, ok sweetie?"

"It figures a knave like you wouldn't appreciate the cutting edge lines of this dress. It's tres fabulous in Paris right now. It's not even going to be in stores until next year. That's right bitch, this is from the 1955 fall line. This is what all the women are wearing in Paris now, but you wouldn't know that, given your- how can I put this delicately- quaint domestic lifestyle. Let's discuss your ensemble, shall we? What, are you going for the "cancer patient" look? Lovely frock you have on. I'm sorry I interrupted your exciting life of dusting ceiling fans and scrubbing toilets. Oh but wait, you have your good babushka on your head, so you must be steppin' out somewhere fancy- the Piggly Wiggly I presume?"