Knit Wits, Part 2: The Old College Try

Today's charming knitting sensation is this Vintage McCall's Fall/Winter 1957-58 Needlework Magazine, apparently aimed at the modern college student. Uh huh. I understand that the 50's college kid is a totally different beast than today's college kid, But some of this stuff is...questionable, for any 18-22 year old. Unless 5-year-olds went to college in the 50's, then yes, this magazine is ideal. So let's see what the Modern College Student was into...



"Hi, I'm Jackie! I'm a Typical Modern American College Student! Also, I'm just a girl, so anything I say shouldn't be taken too seriously. Welcome to my dorm room! LOOK at all this GLORIOUS crap! While I'm in my dorm room studying to become one of the only 3 professional jobs suitable for women: a stewardess, secretary or nurse, I like to knit childish things for my room, so that one day I'll be a pro at knitting baby booties and blankets, since no woman actually uses her degree after college but instead marries young and becomes a housewife. Perhaps you'd enjoy making this useless, larger-than-life caterpillar, for no particular reason? Or this useless Egyptian-inspired embroidered cat wall hanging? Or this useless little Santa...type..doll...thing...I don't even know what it is...but it's cute, right? And that's what the Typical Modern American College Student likes, right? Oh I don't know. All this thinking makes my head hurt. I better go buy a new hat, since that's what a girl does. That, and knit another life-size critter to put on my bed with the rest of my widdle animals! Bye, all!

Blitzkreig Bop

"What in the hell are you wearing, Mary? What are you, like, a pilgrim or something? I don't see you churning butter or wearing buckle shoes, so that can't be it. Have you converted to Mennonite? I'm pretty sure Mennonites aren't allowed to wear faux leather heels from Payless and reek of Britney Spears perfume, but I could be wrong. Maybe they're so desperate for members that they'll let any ol' skank in. Try not to spontaneously combust into flames when entering the church, ok sweetie?"

"It figures a knave like you wouldn't appreciate the cutting edge lines of this dress. It's tres fabulous in Paris right now. It's not even going to be in stores until next year. That's right bitch, this is from the 1955 fall line. This is what all the women are wearing in Paris now, but you wouldn't know that, given your- how can I put this delicately- quaint domestic lifestyle. Let's discuss your ensemble, shall we? What, are you going for the "cancer patient" look? Lovely frock you have on. I'm sorry I interrupted your exciting life of dusting ceiling fans and scrubbing toilets. Oh but wait, you have your good babushka on your head, so you must be steppin' out somewhere fancy- the Piggly Wiggly I presume?"