"What in the hell are you wearing, Mary? What are you, like, a pilgrim or something? I don't see you churning butter or wearing buckle shoes, so that can't be it. Have you converted to Mennonite? I'm pretty sure Mennonites aren't allowed to wear faux leather heels from Payless and reek of Britney Spears perfume, but I could be wrong. Maybe they're so desperate for members that they'll let any ol' skank in. Try not to spontaneously combust into flames when entering the church, ok sweetie?"
"It figures a knave like you wouldn't appreciate the cutting edge lines of this dress. It's tres fabulous in Paris right now. It's not even going to be in stores until next year. That's right bitch, this is from the 1955 fall line. This is what all the women are wearing in Paris now, but you wouldn't know that, given your- how can I put this delicately- quaint domestic lifestyle. Let's discuss your ensemble, shall we? What, are you going for the "cancer patient" look? Lovely frock you have on. I'm sorry I interrupted your exciting life of dusting ceiling fans and scrubbing toilets. Oh but wait, you have your good babushka on your head, so you must be steppin' out somewhere fancy- the Piggly Wiggly I presume?"
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You are nothing short of brilliant.
ReplyDeleteI kinda liked the one on the left, but on longer viewing decided it was very much like a Pilgrim who seems to have gotten in a tussle with a Mennonite who pulled the frivolous sleeves off.
ReplyDeleteI love your pattern arguments, you can almost visualize them as some type of twisted cartoon.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I couldnt let it pass without saying kudos to you for The Ramones reference...The true Godfathers of it all that rings true in my music collection.