Saturday, June 20, 2009

Thanks For The Memories


Now that Maria shipped off all 7 of those snarky Von Trapp bastards to boarding school, the insurance policy was in place and both the deed to the cottage in the Swiss Alps as well as the title to the '68 Karmann Ghia were in her name, all that was left was to "take care" of the Captain. But how? He's a tough nut to crack. Even the Nazis couldn't catch him, and lord knows Maria tried setting him up numerous times, even going to the lengths of orchestrating an elaborate chase scene through a convent. Rolling his ass down the mountain into traffic would look too obvious. A-ha! Maria knew the plan. Knowing his girlish affection for a certain flower, Maria would slowly poison him by dousing his daily Edelweiss boutonniere with mustard gas. That gets rid of him, the anklebiters would eventually meet their untimely demise at boarding school through a "freak singing accident" in which their vocal cords somehow get cut in the alley by a gang of paid assassins and she'd be on her way to Catalina with the man servant Hans.'s a great day to be a nun-turned nanny-turned Nazi spy-turned wife-turned murderer.

*Vintage 60's pulp fiction harlequin romance paperback, courtesy of Virginia Jane.

"Thanks for the Memories" by Bob Hope.


  1. Kim: A great day also, apparently, for the dreaded manservant, Hans, who, one must admit, was made all the more devilishly handsome by the horrid scar which travels the entire length of the left side of his face (an old war wound from his days in the SS, or so go the stories). -- Mykal

  2. A most excellent addition to the description of an overlooked Hans, Mykal! Bravo!