Sink With California

Having some extra free time on my hands lately and the unwise use of it by watching total crap television has made my level of stabbiness rise to unsafe levels. Some fashion statements I am OVER:

1). Emo glasses on boys. And girls too. Ok, emo glasses on anyone human is stupid, really. Emo glasses on a monkey, however= fantastic. The cool nerd look has been done before. Ever hear of Buddy Holly?

2). Eyeliner on guys. Specifically, eye liner on pseudo punk/emo boys in bands who are trying to rock being edgy because they are hardcore and the hilariousness of it is that they are the farthest thing from edgy nor are they being hardcore *anything*. Perhaps hardcore jackasses, yes. Hardcore rockers? My sources say nein! Dumm kopf. (Of course I'm talking to you, douchebag that is famous for dating then impregnating then marrying Ashley Simpson.) Sensitive and misunderstood emo boys: It's been done. You're not hard. You're not artistic. You look like a bunch of flaming mary's. And not in the good way. It's been done before. Has anyone heard of The Cure? Or Boy George? Or Alice Cooper? ExACTly.

If you or someone you know is a guyliner addict, the good news is there's still hope. Please call 1-800-DUMBASS for the help you deserve. Our operators are standing by 24 hours a day with a bar of soap and are hands-free for bitch slapping some sense back into you that has been lacking for so long. Some trends must die. Don't let the guyliner trend take another victim. Dumbasses.


3.) "Edgy", asymmetrical haircuts. Has been seen in conjunction with fashion tragedies #1 and #2 above. Often seen in the art/fashion/music circles. As with #2 above, this is hardly a new style and therefore you are not edgy. Sigh. How many more times can I say "edgy" anyway? It's been done before~ by every new wave band in the 80's.




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Fierceness, you have met your maker. Emo glasses? Check! Edgy, asymmetrical haircut? Check! Guyliner?... Guyliner?!... WHAT? No GUYLINER?! You sir are neither fierce nor cutting edge! Sporting 2 out of 3 Fashion Trends That Won't Die will not suffice in this Coldplay kind of world.

The Girlfriend Of The Whirling Dervish

You're all just itching to discover every nook and cranny of my mind, yes? Lucky you, my nooks and crannies are HOT. Maybe they're not so much hot as they are mildly interesting. And maybe not so much mildly interesting as they are nerdy. And nerds are cool, have we not established this fact via Hot Topic's "I heart nerds" tee shirt craze, circa 2004?

~~Warning! Self-plug alert!! (I said self-plug)~~

If you're jonesing* for a Kim fix (and who DOESN'T want more of this raging grumpy hot mess?), check out my made of awesome interview on Lulu's Vintage Blog. There you will see A.) a picture of a fantastically sunburned me while on vacation in Florida (shout-out to Jen!) and 2.) the answers to my in-depth interview questions that made me feel slightly like I was on stage at a Miss Universe pageant. The only question missing was "If you could do one thing to change the world, what would it be?". And the answer would not be "world peace" my friends. I just don't roll in the "I'm OK, you're OK" way. Nay, I would answer more like: "I would be supreme ruler and dictator for life of the universe and make everyone who ever slighted me eat raw eggs like Rocky then take a 5 mile run before I made them spontaneously combust". And you thought I was bitchy. Just read the interview and tell me you love me, peasants. Or don't. I'm indifferent today. I've heard that you can read the interview out loud in sync to Pink Floyd's "Dark Side Of The Moon". That's the kind of awesome it is.

*Does anyone post 1988 say "jonesing" anymore? Is that as lame as "cool beans" and "Hello! McFly!"? If someone could let me know, I would greatly appreciate it. Or just let me look like an out-of-touch loser, that's OK too. I've got a whole carton of eggs with your name on it, infidel.

eVintage Society's Blog Tag Wednesday

Its Blog Tag Wednesday at the eVintage Society! Its hot!! What better time of year to shimmer like the ice cubes in a vodka-lemonade? Refresh those who admire you with some summer sparkle! Let’s see what you’ve got!


1) Show us your favorite vintage sparkling stunner in your inventory! Rhinestones, sequins, beads…show us your shimmer!

This is perfect for summer shimmer. (Say summer shimmer 5 times fast!). This 50's swanky cocktail dress with GOLD PAINTED huge roses and GOLD GLITTER polka dots. If that ain't sparkle-rific, I don't know what is, foo'.





2) Rhinestones on daywear? Yes or no?
Hells belles YEAH! Why not?

3) Favorite beaded bag or jewelry in your inventory or personal collection?

This really freaking awesome vintage Sarah Cov bracelet! It's covered in colorful stones and confetti shapes. Very mid century modern and now I wish I was keeping it and not selling it!



4) Colored rhinestones or clear, which do you prefer?

I'm so white bread, I really like clear rhinestones!

5) Cubic zirconia, costume rhinestones or REAL diamonds? Be honest!! Which will you wear?

Costume rhinestones, hands down! I'm cheap. Oh yeah, I said I'm cheap.

Thanks for the tag Empress Jade Vintage! Until next Wednesday, back to you eVintage Society

Hey, Bartender

Did you ever have one of those wickedly down in the dumps kind of days/weekends/millenniums, the kind where you're just plain old indifferent and blue, for no particular reason, just *because"? No? Well I'm glad to hear the Prozac is working for you. For me, sometimes the only thing that works is putting on old jazz records~ and I don't mean that in a "get off my lawn and turn down your new fangled Hall and Oats jazz records!" kind of way, but in a for real jazz records kind of way.

Nothing makes me feel as justified for being pissed off and sad and angry all at once than by listening to a scratchy, poor quality record of Big Bill Broonzy or Big Maceo... or ANY old timey blues singer from the 30's and 40's with the name "Big" in it for that matter. Sitting on my porch with a High Life with records playing in the background and pretending in my head that I'm a downtrodden soul in the bayou can be therapeutic when you've got the blues, because after listening to these guys wailing their hearts out, you realise life doesn't suck quite as much as you think it did. After all, did your man leave you after taking your dog, your furniture, the last bottle of beer and took off with your best friend Ida and all he left you were your 7 kids, a half a package of crackers and a packet of ketchup? He did? Man, what kind of loser are you anyway? I feel bad for you, kid.

If you're a lady singin' the blues, check out this incredible dress with a picture of a lady...singin' the blues. It's not vintage, but there's something so intriguing about this long black dress with Billie screen printed on the bottom. Because if anyone knows whats its like to be down and out it's Billie. It's not very easy on your wallet ($495.00, zoinks!), ain't that a kick in the head? But very cool. You can get this and other rock and/or roll fashions (Elvis skirts! T-Rex dresses!) from Fashion Rocks.

Convoy

So today I found myself blissfully alone in the house for a couple of hours. Though I wish I could say I spent the time wisely and efficiently, cleaning the house with the help of my bluebird and squirrel friends while whistling a merry tune, I did not. Nor would I ever consort with rodents or possess an iota of happiness while doing something like cleaning, unless there were say, percocets involved. No, what I DID do was lay around and watch the Twilight Zone, because that's just as useful as chiseling old toothpaste off the bathroom sink. And what luck! One of my favorite episodes came on before the boys came home and broke up the party. It was the one called Nick of Time and it is wonderful for a couple reasons: A). The cars are beyond cool and B). William Shatner is a PIECE in it. Did you know he was this hot? Because he is. I'd like to rock his great big convoy all through the night, hey-yo! (That was awful, I know. I apologise.)



Try not to think of him as the Shatner you know from the late 60's doing his spoken word thing before Henry Rollins stole the idea in the 90's or when he hosted VH1's 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders. Think of him as the lovely side of beef he was in 1960. And while the clothes in the episode were not too terribly impressive, my little lump of lovin' rocked a delightful tight Ban-Lon shirt, did he not?


You know what they say about boys who wear tight sweaters, don't you? My pants off to YOU, Mr. Shatner. Pants off to you.

If you or someone you know has the pectorals to pull it off, I strongly suggest this not-too-shabby version of Shatner's, available from Ballyhoo Vintage. Cheap and hot. The way I like my men.

Doin' Time For Bein' Young

Dear John Waters,

You know I love you as much as any straight white girl can. You know I think you're a film genius, right? Serial Mom= really bad and really good. Hairspray= Ricki Lake before she got all activist-y on our asses? Adore. I was willing to overlook Hairspray the movie and all it's putridicity despite ravings from the 45-64 age bracket: ("John Travolta dressed as a woman? Now that's just plain silly. What a card!"). Fool me once and all that. I may be an idiot sir, but there is one thing I am not and that sir, is an idiot. How DARE you allow such an abomination to spread it's cheese upon the masses?! The cheesy abomination which we will call Cry-Baby The Musical. Did you WANT to make sweet baby jebus cry? Because he is, crying his wee little eyes out and Christmas is cancelled this year. You know what? Hanukkah is cancelled too. Millions of kids this year will neither get their Hulk Fists of Rage nor their mini pretzel dreidels. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

I still love you though. The play is now officially done on Broadway, so perhaps not too much damage has been done. There is a way you can make it up to me, though. Tell Johnny Depp to call me and we're square. Thanks, I knew you wouldn't let me down. Let's never fight again.

That's all for now! And I swear to god, there better not be a Cecil B. Demented: The Musical Starring Donny and Marie! or it's go time.

Love and flamingos,
Kim

We're A Happy Family

The 4th is coming up soon and that means another forced-fun holiday with family, yay! Family dysfunction, here I come! On the drive from one party to another we pass a bunch of other parties going on in the neighborhood and sometimes you can catch someone yelling at their damn kids, or someone drinking a beer on the front porch and then you feel vindicated that you're not the only person on the planet who wants to run away and other families are indeed as much in need of group therapy as your own. And sometimes I have an overwhelming urge to roll down my window and yell "You suck!" as I drive by. There's probably something really wrong with that, but for now let me verbally abuse random neighbors in peace, would you?

Some good things about 4th of July festivities:

1. Twilight Zone Marathon! Did you know there was one this weekend? Because I was not aware of this fortunate turn of events until I saw the commercial just a minute or an hour ago, possibly a day or 2 ago, maybe even last week. I have no concept of time or memory, apparently. I could buy the TZ boxed set however it's quite literally priced at $99.99 at That Ripoff Cd And Dvd Store in the mall, you know the one with the cardboard cutouts of James Dean and Darth Vader threatening to cut you if they catch you stealing as your walk in the front door? I think 100 bucks is much better spent on say, rent (mine is late, zoinks!), Jack Daniels (perhaps the reason the rent is late?) or a bathtub full of Swedish Fish.

I like the episode where a bunch of greasers move into an old Victorian house in one of those typical 50's idyllic neighborhoods only to find out they're aliens and bad ones at that. Why would they think a group of young hoods would go unnoticed in suburbia? That's stupid. If they invaded today, they better come dressed as Prozac so they can blend in to the modern housewife's environment.

2. Eating your weight in grilled beef products that you didn't have to pay for.

3. An excellent time to re-enact an old timey 40's USO show for the old folks camped out for the day in their lawn chairs under a tree by wearing sailor pants and singing Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy. Better yet, make your kids die of embarrassment and force them to do it, because everyone knows kids love hanging out with 80 year olds all day. Or even better yet, you can wear something patriotic in the ironic and awesome way, like this supercool vintage "Archie Bunker For President" tee from Ginchygear.