Saturday, July 12, 2008

Sink With California

Having some extra free time on my hands lately and the unwise use of it by watching total crap television has made my level of stabbiness rise to unsafe levels. Some fashion statements I am OVER:

1). Emo glasses on boys. And girls too. Ok, emo glasses on anyone human is stupid, really. Emo glasses on a monkey, however= fantastic. The cool nerd look has been done before. Ever hear of Buddy Holly?

2). Eyeliner on guys. Specifically, eye liner on pseudo punk/emo boys in bands who are trying to rock being edgy because they are hardcore and the hilariousness of it is that they are the farthest thing from edgy nor are they being hardcore *anything*. Perhaps hardcore jackasses, yes. Hardcore rockers? My sources say nein! Dumm kopf. (Of course I'm talking to you, douchebag that is famous for dating then impregnating then marrying Ashley Simpson.) Sensitive and misunderstood emo boys: It's been done. You're not hard. You're not artistic. You look like a bunch of flaming mary's. And not in the good way. It's been done before. Has anyone heard of The Cure? Or Boy George? Or Alice Cooper? ExACTly.

If you or someone you know is a guyliner addict, the good news is there's still hope. Please call 1-800-DUMBASS for the help you deserve. Our operators are standing by 24 hours a day with a bar of soap and are hands-free for bitch slapping some sense back into you that has been lacking for so long. Some trends must die. Don't let the guyliner trend take another victim. Dumbasses.

3.) "Edgy", asymmetrical haircuts. Has been seen in conjunction with fashion tragedies #1 and #2 above. Often seen in the art/fashion/music circles. As with #2 above, this is hardly a new style and therefore you are not edgy. Sigh. How many more times can I say "edgy" anyway? It's been done before~ by every new wave band in the 80's.






Fierceness, you have met your maker. Emo glasses? Check! Edgy, asymmetrical haircut? Check! Guyliner?... Guyliner?!... WHAT? No GUYLINER?! You sir are neither fierce nor cutting edge! Sporting 2 out of 3 Fashion Trends That Won't Die will not suffice in this Coldplay kind of world.


  1. bravo, bravo I say to you! Ive never quite understood the whole "emo" thing, its the kind of stuff that would make the icons of punk rock puke.