Dang Me

It's no secret how much of a huge dork for pop culture I am, right? If you don't know, then guess what? I'm a huge dork for pop culture, with extra love for the classic TV shows I grew up on. Smite me down Donny and Marie, but I AM a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll, crazy cuckoo for hillbilly culture~ wait, can you even CALL it "hillbilly culture"? Is that not PC? What can I call it? Aha! "Southern Culture" (on the skids, hardee har har). Well whatever. Country style fashion and music from the 40's, 50's and early 60's is just great, because there's never enough gingham or Benny Joy in the world. Hell, even Johnny Cash was in a couple of those really bad (read: awesome) 50's rock and roll movies, get a load of THAT.

So why is it that I LOATHE the hillbilly-esque TV shows from the 50's and 60's? Should I not love them, by all methods of deductive reasoning? They generally had good clothes in these shows so I should be loving it. But no. I do not. What is my problem? I'd rather stick my hand in a bag of razors and vinegar than suffer through the hijinks of those crazy kids down in Mayberry. Andy Griffith, you're too good to be a cop and your kid is annoying as hell. I said GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR.


Green Acres. Good clothes, love Ms. Gabor, hate the show. Plus, "Hooterville", really?!




Beverly Hillbillies. Good clothes, a hot piece of ass named Jethro, hate the show.



Petticoat Junction. Good clothes...Ok you get it by now, hate the show. Plus, is it not unsanitary to be bathing in the town's water tower?

"Sheriff, why does this here water taste funny"?
"Hmm....seems mighty fine by me. Tastes like Betty Jo".

Ahahahahaha....oh wait...Eeeewwww....

But give me a Dukes Of Hazzard marathon and we're ON, bitches. Even though it was the 70's, I can appreciate the awesome factor of the fashion. Great cast and freaking fantastic theme song. I had it as a ringtone during my period of of loving wacky ringtones, try to stop my and my zany antics, a long time ago until every meat head frat boy started using it as theirs, after seeing the Dukes movie- the one where Jessica Simpson went and skanked up the Daisy Duke part. Who knew it was even POSSIBLE to skank up that role, but she did, what with her huge rack and superb acting skills. I got to see the General Lee, or at least one of the 72 million General Lees out there, when I went to Tennessee a couple years ago. Hell, I even TOUCHED that bitch even though there was no touchy-touchy allowed. I thought "What would Luke do?" and the answer was as clear as moonshine. I'm bad ASS, am I not?

The thing about Tennessee is that it is Elvis-themed EVERYTHING, which is pretty much fine by me. Hell, if I was Tennessee I'd be pimping out Elvis all over the place too. But I have to question the truth behind every BBQ shack on the block advertising that Elvis ate there, Elvis' favorite fried pickles were sold there or Elvis picked his nose while driving past there. Whatever Tennessee, you still have mad street cred in my book and I'm just jealous. I'm from Pennsylvania and what can I pimp out? Bill Cosby? Neat. Sorry, but Fat Albert doesn't quite compare to the King, now does it?

Join me in the love of country-fried vintage. Fast Eddie's Retro Rags will dress you like your favorite hillbilly character.

You can't get more rock and roll meets country than this vintage 50's cotton JD blouse with gingham panel:


Or this vintage 50's gingham taffeta total hot rod cutie of a dress with rhinestone buttons:


Guys, you can do it too (I said "do it".) How about a vintage 40's Mohawk Sportswear cold rayon loop collar shirt with a picnic tablecloth print~ and it's new old stock to boot:


Or a vintage 50's orange gingham panel loop collar shirt: