That's All Right

It's like I always never say, you can never have too much Elvis memorabilia around your house, classing up the joint. The Gotta Have It Collectibles, Inc. company in New York is holding a 9 day auction of Elvis rock and/or roll stuff-o-rama, ending on the 25th. You can waste a ridonkulous amount of time on their site looking at all the marvelous crap you can bid on. Natch, there are a few big ticket items that you can kiss your sweet ass goodbye on unless you want to sell your firstborn (ponder that a moment), but there are also much less expensive lots for under $25. (Granted, the cheap stuff is mostly magazines and records you can find at Any Thrift Store USA for a buck, but still.) Here are some of my favorite things:



Vintage 1950's Teddy Bear brand perfume? Hmm. Let me think about that for second. ICK.



Elvis was a crossdresser. He even has his own line of makeup, like RuPaul would if he could step to the magic which is called Elvis. (Also, I thought the fine print said "Teen Angster" at a quick glance. Did you know Nirvana wore this brand? It's true.)



Vintage 1950's wallet. Apparently you put a picture of your beau in the middle. I'd put a picture of Colonel Sanders there.



Vintage 1950's Elvis Trapper Keeper, for holding your love notes or novelty pencil top erasers or shivs, or whatever it is teenagers carry with them these days.



OMGILOVETHISSOMUCHICOULDCRYORKILLSOMEONE. Vintage 1950's Elvis dog tag sweater clip? So many levels of awesome. Also, the teen angster on the card has no nose and it looks like Elvis may have bitten it off.



(Is it weird that I really want to wear this? Not in a pervy way, just a "hey what's up guys. I'm just hanging out in my jumpsuit" kind of way.)



(Is it weird that I really want to wear these? And totally in the pervy way. I want to get in Elvis' pants. HA! See that? See how I double entendred the crap outta that?)


"That's All Right" by Elvis Presley. DUH.

Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree

Merry Christmas eve, everyone! Or if you're Jewish, then Happy Hanukkah. If you're a new age-y granola type, then Happy Winter Solstice. If you're an atheist, then Happy nothing. I hope you all get what you deserve. (That sounds a bit ominous and foreboding, doesn't it?) Deck those halls, bring us some figgy pudding, please to put a penny in the old man's hat and don your gay apparel.

"Got no sleigh with reindeer, No sack on my back, You're gonna see me comin' in a big black Cadillac." A little Xmas cheer, blitzed-out, forgetful King-style:



One of the most real depictions of what Christmas is really like for most people. Starts out beautiful and hopeful but eventually turns dismal and wrong. Thank JEBUS for those crazy kids, The Pogues, for writing the best Xmas lyrics ever: "Happy Christmas you arse, I pray God its our last". How the hell can I look it but not be Irish?



Happy Holidays, to all of my little peppermint twists! Lumps of coal for everyone!

...On The FIFTH Day Of Christmas...

...my true love gave to me five pinky rings...

A tribute to the five pinky ringiest fellers I know.





Blue Suede Pinky Ring.




Luck Be A Pinky Ring




Make Him A Pinky Ring He Can't Refuse




Thirty-two hundred pinky rings he gave me. Thirty-two hundred pinky rings for a lifetime. It wasn't even enough to pay for the coffin.




Woke Up This Morning, Got Yourself A Pinky Ring.

Dang Me

It's no secret how much of a huge dork for pop culture I am, right? If you don't know, then guess what? I'm a huge dork for pop culture, with extra love for the classic TV shows I grew up on. Smite me down Donny and Marie, but I AM a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll, crazy cuckoo for hillbilly culture~ wait, can you even CALL it "hillbilly culture"? Is that not PC? What can I call it? Aha! "Southern Culture" (on the skids, hardee har har). Well whatever. Country style fashion and music from the 40's, 50's and early 60's is just great, because there's never enough gingham or Benny Joy in the world. Hell, even Johnny Cash was in a couple of those really bad (read: awesome) 50's rock and roll movies, get a load of THAT.

So why is it that I LOATHE the hillbilly-esque TV shows from the 50's and 60's? Should I not love them, by all methods of deductive reasoning? They generally had good clothes in these shows so I should be loving it. But no. I do not. What is my problem? I'd rather stick my hand in a bag of razors and vinegar than suffer through the hijinks of those crazy kids down in Mayberry. Andy Griffith, you're too good to be a cop and your kid is annoying as hell. I said GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR.


Green Acres. Good clothes, love Ms. Gabor, hate the show. Plus, "Hooterville", really?!




Beverly Hillbillies. Good clothes, a hot piece of ass named Jethro, hate the show.



Petticoat Junction. Good clothes...Ok you get it by now, hate the show. Plus, is it not unsanitary to be bathing in the town's water tower?

"Sheriff, why does this here water taste funny"?
"Hmm....seems mighty fine by me. Tastes like Betty Jo".

Ahahahahaha....oh wait...Eeeewwww....

But give me a Dukes Of Hazzard marathon and we're ON, bitches. Even though it was the 70's, I can appreciate the awesome factor of the fashion. Great cast and freaking fantastic theme song. I had it as a ringtone during my period of of loving wacky ringtones, try to stop my and my zany antics, a long time ago until every meat head frat boy started using it as theirs, after seeing the Dukes movie- the one where Jessica Simpson went and skanked up the Daisy Duke part. Who knew it was even POSSIBLE to skank up that role, but she did, what with her huge rack and superb acting skills. I got to see the General Lee, or at least one of the 72 million General Lees out there, when I went to Tennessee a couple years ago. Hell, I even TOUCHED that bitch even though there was no touchy-touchy allowed. I thought "What would Luke do?" and the answer was as clear as moonshine. I'm bad ASS, am I not?

The thing about Tennessee is that it is Elvis-themed EVERYTHING, which is pretty much fine by me. Hell, if I was Tennessee I'd be pimping out Elvis all over the place too. But I have to question the truth behind every BBQ shack on the block advertising that Elvis ate there, Elvis' favorite fried pickles were sold there or Elvis picked his nose while driving past there. Whatever Tennessee, you still have mad street cred in my book and I'm just jealous. I'm from Pennsylvania and what can I pimp out? Bill Cosby? Neat. Sorry, but Fat Albert doesn't quite compare to the King, now does it?

Join me in the love of country-fried vintage. Fast Eddie's Retro Rags will dress you like your favorite hillbilly character.

You can't get more rock and roll meets country than this vintage 50's cotton JD blouse with gingham panel:


Or this vintage 50's gingham taffeta total hot rod cutie of a dress with rhinestone buttons:


Guys, you can do it too (I said "do it".) How about a vintage 40's Mohawk Sportswear cold rayon loop collar shirt with a picnic tablecloth print~ and it's new old stock to boot:


Or a vintage 50's orange gingham panel loop collar shirt:

Die Die My Darling

I'm pretty sure one of this season's must-have fashion staples for spring is an Edwardian bodily fluid-stained apron. I read that in Lucky Magazine and if Lucky says it's a trend, then BY GOD it is and you BETTER RECOGNISE. Paris has been seen wearing one emblazoned with "Meat is Hot" (nuts to you Morrissey! I still think you're awful purdy though) in glitter graphics across the ass. Girl KNOWS her body fluids. Lindsy wears hers over leggings which is SO last year- everybody knows Edwardian aprons are to be worn with skinny fit denim, not leggings. DUH.

Now that Sweeney Todd will be on DVD in a few, I highly suggest renting it for ideas on how to properly accessorize the Edwardian Apron, since Lucky skipped that part (thanks for not telling us how to accessorize, LUCKY). Meat cleaver? Yes! With pantaloons? WORK IT! With a freakishly pale and fashionably crazier-than-Bjork muse on the side, making you look less pale and less crazy? Totally! Can Johhny Depp be considered an accessory? He goes with everything! But I think Claire's is sold out.



You too can get your meat-grinding hands on your very own Edwardian Blood-Stained Apron. (Note to self: must use "meat-grinding hands" as a filthy/awesome punchline in a future post, somehow tied in with George Clooney, myself and Cancun). Lucky for you, The Vintage Peddler has one right now. And while I normally don't (yes I do) get sucked into reading the "Weird and Really Bizarre" ebay listings like Jebus Toast and Ghost-In-A-Jar and Haunted Underwear, the Peddler KNOWS her possessed vintage. So it may not be possessed, I just find it way more entertaining to say it is. So it is.


God, That's Good!

(Note to self: must use "haunted underwear" as a *really* filthy/awesome punchline in a future post, somehow tied in with Young Elvis, myself and a Cadillac. There may be peanut butter involved, I don't know.)