Way-Out Wednesday: Come On Baby! Let's Do The Hypno-Twist!

Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!




Exercise, shmexercise. I've gotten so bored with my daily exercise routine lately, I could fall asleep on the treadmill. I sure wish there was some sort of new-fangled contraption out there to make working out fun again. Fun- and hep. Something that combines my love of Chubby Checker AND precariously gripping onto a lazy susan for dear life before inevitably losing my balance and plunging head-first to the floor in a predictably ugly broken hip accident.


Well now there is!



Ever since I discovered the Hypno-Twist, I spend less time on the treadmill, and more time in the hospital! Thanks, Hypno-Twist!




(See? It really IS basically a lazy susan-- but with polka dots. That makes all the difference.)


Vintage 60's Hypno-Twist Family Exerciser Exercise Disc (and dig that supremely cool packaging! Squee!) is currently available on Etsy from Vintage FanAttic.

Way-Out Wednesday: Gator Done!

(I bet only my peeps from the south will understand the pun-iness of today's title. And fans of Larry the Cable Guy. Or Nascar. To everyone else: I swear, it's not gibberish. And it's hilarious. I swear.)

Anyway, welcome to a better-late-than-never Way-Out Wednesday!




Now, let me preface this by saying I can't/won't/am too hungover to/or don't care enough to validate the authenticity of today's vintage pick. I have *no* idea if it's real, I don't know the seller from a hole in the ground or more importantly, if it's worth the crazy-ass price tag that goes with it. But I do know it's pretty crazy-ass in general and also weird and wonderful and freak show cool, so that, my friends, is worth all the money in the world! (Well, no. It's not. Like, at all. But the sentiment sure sounded nice, didn't it?)


I present to you, Gator Girl:



Why yes, it (allegedly) IS a Vintage 30's Ripley's Believe It or Not Sideshow Poster, thanks for asking.

If you ask me, the gator (oh, sorry, croc) mugging in the background is the show. He should be wearing a tiny top hat and a monocle. And smoking a cigar. And Gator Girl should have an eye patch, like a pirate. With a lizard hanging out of her mouth. And missing a tooth or 2. Then it would rule.

Prints Charming Sunday: Is That A Swordfish In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Welcome back to a long overdue Prints Charming Sunday!





Sorry for the lapse in posting, friends! You can expect more weirdness like this off and on for the next couple months, with some regular ol' life changes going on (not like, menopause or anything, sheesh, I make it sound like a geriatric commercial or something), and I may not be around much (temporarily! only temporarily!), so please hang in there and bear with me!

Anyway, today's vintage novelty print is uber-perfecto for summer coming up! I'm sure it's been blogged about before elsewhere, but frankly my dears, I don't give a damn. It's charming! It's fun! It's seriously outta my price range!

May I present, this Vintage 40's Swordfish Novelty Print Rayon Pinup Swimsuit:

Way-Out Wednesday: Fears Of A Clown

I know I show alot of scary-ass vintage clown items around here for Way-Out Wednesdays, for which I can only say: "you're welcome." But clowns are just beyond unnerving. Give me spiders, give me snakes, give me brain-eating zombies. I'll party with all of 'em. But clowns?! Oh hells no. Clowns are the worst.

As is this:




!!!


As if his face wasn't just totally warm and inviting (mass murder much?), this thing is actually a kid's lamp. A. Lamp. This thing looks like when you try to turn it on, it turns itself right off. Like the cheesy plot of any Stephen King novel. Children of the Clown Lamp. Clown Lamp Sematary. Sometimes Clown Lamps Come Back.


You're welcome.


Vintage Plastic Clown Electric Light is available on Etsy from seller The Art Floozy.

Prints Charming Sunday: Book To The Future

Welcome to a very late Prints Charming Sunday!




I apologize for the lateness of today's post- I've been slackified by reading all the live long day today-- on my new Look Book reader. I swore I would never, ever buy a Kindle or a Lookbook or any brand of e-reader for that matter. I'm not one who's easily impressed by technology or people who need to keep up with it. The Joneses can sprint right on past me with their high-tech gadgets, overpriced Starbucks and brand new SUVS. I've always, my entire life since about birth, had a 1940's "make do and mend" mentality instilled in me. The same goes for books. I love that instant vibe you get when you walk into a library and begin pacing the aisles until you see a crackly leather-bound calling your name. I love the feel of pages of brittle, yellowed, dry paper between my fingers and the musty "old book smell" that drifts out of it. And I ain't talking about a trip to Borders. The whole going-to-the-library process is tradition, spending rainy days sitting in old leather club chairs or sitting on the floorby the window can't ever be replaced. Call me a sentimental fool or a nostalgic sap, I don't mind. But when the opportunity to buy a brand spanking new Lookbook for 30 bucks came up, well, even *I* was dragged into the 21st century. (But I gotta tell you, pushing a button to turn a page just ain't doing it for me.)

So for today's vintage novelty print, I wanted to find something book-related for a theme, because themes are great! They're my raison d'etre. But alas, no book novelty prints. However, in the theme of all-things-nerdy, I did find a wonderfully geeky print...


Paper clips!



Vintage Green Paper Clip Novelty Print Cotton Jacket is currently available on Etsy from seller Bred Vintage.

Perfect for a walk to the library, isn't it?...

Way-Out Wednesday: Indiana Jones And The Tutu Of Doom.

It's Way-Out Wednesday time!







Harrison Ford really let himself go.


Oh, those wacky 80's. An unshaven, scruffy, rugged manly man, smoking a cigar, holding a beer, wearing a bejeweled fairy princess dress in sneakers, no less?! Really? I guess this was still considered funny in the 1980's. I have to disagree. It's friggin' hilarious.


Circa 1985 Vintage "Want a wish?....You'll have to kiss the wand" Greeting Card is available on Etsy from seller Wandering Vintage.

Prints Charming Sunday: It Came From The Beach

Welcome to Prints Charming Sunday!




Today's vintage novelty print pick makes me infinitely happy for no real reason, other than it's so summery cute it hurts. Or maybe because it looks like something that an Annette Funicello, Sandra Dee or any other generic Gidget-y character would wear in any generic, early 60's, non-Elvis, bad acting, highly unrealistic, low-grade beach movie. You know the plot: teen girl sings duets while learning valuable life lessons when she and her perfect nuclear family go to the beach for summer vacay and she of COURSE makes her Dad worried when she falls in love with the ONE random beatnik-ish surfer type (who's actually a pretty big weenie and would get his ass kicked on a daily basis by REAL beatnik-y surfer types, but for Disney's purpose he's "bad" enough) and oh yeah, throw in a screwball biker gang that hasn't ever committed any real crimes, other than perhaps jaywlking (gasp! not jaywalking!!) for some wacky hijinks involving a band, a bonfire and someone driving his bike off the pier and THAT, my friends, more or less sums up every awesomely bad 1960's beach movie ever made.

And THIS more or less looks like what any girl in that movie would wear:







Charming little Vintage 60's Novelty Beach Print Top is currently available on Etsy from seller Less Than Perfect Vintage.

Way-Out Wednesday: I'm Baaaack!...And so is It.

Welcome back to Way-Out Wednesday, kids!



Didja miss me, like I missed the heck out of you guys?! It took me a little longer than I thought to come back for my triumphant return, crawling back from the brink of death-by-plague (not really), for which I slightly apologize. Thanks to all you sweet faces that sent me some well-wishin' and emails saying "Where the hell are you?!", and "Are you dead or what?!" but mostly "Hot and lonely overweight men want to meet you now, on Zoosk!" But seriously, it was no big whoop just an ass-kicking flu. Still, you guys rock and I lurve you all. (Sadly this lovefest will end momentarily when I drop a heavy dose of Way-Out Wednesday fuckuppery on y'all.)


And so, I give you...



It Knows What You Did Last Summer. But don't worry. It won't tell... but it's gonna cost you.

Ick. Is he thinking about what part of you he's gonna eat first, or does he just look like your average, run-of-the mill perv clown, wondering what part of you to fondle first? Either way, you're screwed. (Ba-dum, ching!)

Ahh, it's good to be back.


Creeptastic Vintage Needlepoint Framed Clown Picture available on Etsy from seller Old and New Boutique.

Sick Leave

Hey, kids! Just checking in here to report that I should be back posting on my regular schedule this Sunday. I've been down and out, annihilated really, with the flu all stinking week. The flu! Apparently it's a "thing" going around these days. Who knew? I haven't been sick in over a year, so I forgot what great fun it is to have every inch of you hurt. My eyeballs hurt. My fingernails hurt. My hair hurts, even. Sonofa!

Anyway, I hope none of you are battling the plague like I, but if you are, Nurse Manhands here will take good care of you.

Way-Out Wednesday: Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!




I'm sure by now most of you have heard the sad news of Elizabeth Taylor's passing. Fashion icon, style maven, Hollywood royalty, all-around goddess. But I'm not gonna dwell on the sad. You know how I roll when it comes to dealing with hard times or sadness or those pesky things humans called "emotions"- I lighten the mood with something out of the ordinary. Well, "out of the ordinary" might be too vague. I actually should say ghastly. So I guess the mood won't be so light after all. Hmm. At any rate, feast your eyes upon the crazy:




It's a baby. Sewn into the corner of a handkerchief. For no apparent reason other than to to torture the recipient of this special "gift" with night terrors.

Ok, I *get* that it's probably a baby shower thing, like a favor or something. But I mean, really. REALLY?!




Don't get me wrong, I freaking worship this thing. Creepy doll parts = eternal awesome. But as a party favor for the impending birth of a human? Not so much. However, the flip side of this hankie pretty much rules:




Bottoms up!



Vintage Pink Baby Crochet Handkerchief Plastic Toy Hankie is currently available to torture a loved one from Etsy seller Daisy Fairbanks.

Prints Charming Sunday: In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida

Welcome to Prints Charming Sunday!



Hot jumping jebus on a griddle, it's the first day of spring. Can you even stand it? I can't. I'm besides myself with jubilation and gid. Can you not tell? Seriously though, I'm just so glad snow and ice and flood-y basements are done and over with! Gone are overpriced shovels and cracked plastic ice scrapers and salty boots. Except... we have snow in the forecast here in the northeast for the week, so that sort of blows the whole shiny happy vibe to hell in a hand basket, doesn't it? But damn the snow, notwithstanding, it's spring nonetheless!*

To celebrate** this here first day-o-spring, I present to you this biblically fabulous Vintage 50's Garden of Eden Novelty Print Dress, currently available on Etsy from seller Revolving Styles:








It's not the greatest closeup, but can you see it's a scene of a nudie Adam & Eve with the snake lurking in the tree? Cute! Tree-hugging streakers and a suggestive, phallic reptile? Sounds about right. It must be spring.







* Side note, part 1: I've been wanting to drop schmancy words like "nonetheless" and "notwithstanding" on y'all for a while now. Impressed? I figured.


** Side note, part deux: who exactly literally celebrates the first day of spring? (Or the first day of anything for that matter.) Pagans? Ancestral witches? Ancient druids? Celtic warlocks? I must know who you season revelers are! I'll wait.

Way-Out Wednesday: Don't Meth With The Irish

Welcome to a special St. Patrick's Day edition of Way-Out Wednesday!




Celebrating St. Patrick's Day with green beer is for roofie-toting frat guys. Instead, why not class the joint up and toast with a good ol' fashioned mug-o-Irish coffee? Perfect. I have the recipe for you, here, on this Vintage Irish Coffee Leprechaun Linen Novelty Tea Towel:




Hot damn, do the Irish know how to party or what?! You may think that's a recipe printed on the scroll he's holding, but no. It's actually the directions to the meth lab off of Route 7 behind old man McMurphy's barn where our strung-out leprechaun friend makes the stuff. If you ask me, there's alot more to be said for Irish coffee if it makes you this happy.




(The secret is crack cocaine.)

Aqua Blue Heaven Friday: End (Of The World) Tables

Welcome to Aqua Blue Heaven Friday!



Upon waking this morning, I realized the day would play out like a 1950's cheesy sci-fi movie- The Flooded Basement of Doom, starring me and a now-underwater basement. If you haven't heard, the east coast is all doom-and-gloom/end of the world, thanks to a molotov cocktail combo of melting snow and heavy downpours. Joy. Hopefully everyone out there is safe and sound! (Maybe I'll check in tomorrow with a damage report, since there is a mother load of it. Double joy.)

So while I've got this gross wet basement nightmare to deal with for the rest of the day and night, it's only fitting that today's vintage aqua pick also has something to do with water- you know, just not cold, dirty and loaded with germs for the whole family!- this Vintage 50's Aqua & Olive Poolside Tables, available on Etsy from seller Funky Quail Vintage:

Way-Out Wednesday: Nightmare On *Your* Street

Welcome to an especially terrifying Way-Out Wednesday!




Today's Way-Out Wednesday banner is apropos, given the fact that we're dealing with clowns. Consider THAT your official warning, my friends. I know how much you all love clowns and are not all terrified by them. In fact, I'm sure you'd like it if every day was "scary-as-hell clown day" wouldn't you? Ha! I'm just kidding, simmer down there clownophobes, no need to panic. Yet.




Now you should panic. This is on a nightgown, people.





You heard me. A. Nightgown. What sort of lunatic nutbag thought these guys would be awesome to put on something that should, for it's very purpose in life, NOT give you nightmares?! If no one has hunted down the creator of this nightmare-inducer like the swine pig psycho that he is, someone should. Now.


Vintage 80's Scary Clown Nightgown is currently available on Etsy from seller Diane's Closet, for $10. A meager price to pay for a most excellently devious gift to give to your mother-in-law, thin-as-a-rail friend who can eat a can of lard and not gain weight, the neighbor whose dog insists on using your yard as it's personal toilet, or anyone else you hate.

Prints Charming Sunday: Fox Trot

Welcome to Prints Charming Sunday!




Usually I pick out something more...what's the word...fashion-y (?)... for our weekly themes, but today's vintage novelty print is so charming I had to show you guys! It's this really cute Vintage 40's Dancing Foxes Novelty Print Silk Scarf, available on Etsy from seller Loulou's Vintage:





I like that they look slightly sinister, like they can't wait for the song to be over so they can get to sabotaging each other. I wish I knew how to properly rock a scarf, so I could be all over this. I bet it'd look equally as cool if it were framed though, don'tcha think? (Also: how, precisely, does one spell "don'tcha"? Because that looks incredibly stupid and wrong.)

Way-Out Wednesday: Organ Grinder? I Don't Even Know Her!

Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!




Uncle Guiseppe the Creepy Perv Organ Grinder Monkey waits for you to fall asleep. Uncle Guiseppe the Creepy Perv Organ Grinder Monkey is gonna touch you while you sleep. And smell your hair. And probably try on your brand new Manolos. And then eat the other half of your Italian sub from Subway that you were planning on taking to work tomorrow.




Uncle Guiseppe the Creepy Perv Organ Grinder Monkey is pretty sure you're gonna like it. You know- the being touched part. Not the "finding your size 7 heels stretched out and smelling like garlic-scented feet sweat and having your sandwich scarfed during a midnight pot bender by your bedbug-riddled, deadbeat primate of a roommate" part.


Inspiration for today vintage pick, this weirdly awesome Vintage 50's Organ Grinder Monkey Yarn Doll is currently offered for sale on Etsy from seller Valuable Vintage.

Prints Charming Sunday: Cherub Me The Right Way

Welcome to Prints Charming Sunday!





I don't know if any of you guys remember this trend or can relate, but back in the early 90's I recall everyone (at least, everyone in my podunk neck of the woods) got crazy into collecting angels and cherubs. Angel candles, angel garden statues, angel jewelry, books about angles, all kinds of angel crap. Hell, you couldn't swing a bag of cats (huh?) without hitting a wall graced with a poster of Raphael's damn cherubs- remember these little scamps?:



Not that I have anything against angels or cherubs or anything celestial for that matter. It's just that when you see floating heads with wings all. the. damn. time., it doesn't take long before you're sick to death of it. Like your husband. Or those little people who keep calling you "mom." So way back then I swore no more angels, ever. None with wings or ones that sing, none with gossamer gowns or wearing crowns, none playing mandolins or violins or holding lutes or carrying flutes. (Suck on THAT, Dr. Seuss.)

So color me shocked! surprised! amused! that I found a pretty dandy vintage novelty print dress today of cherubs that doesn't make me wanna puke. (That's a compliment to the dress and seller, I assure you.)

And lo, the skies cleared and angels sang alleluia, allowing a single beam of sunlight to shine down upon this:





It's cute, right? I love the non-overly girlie colorway. Plus, little Rambo here looks seriously ticked off, like he's ready to bust a cap in yo' ass with his bow and arrow, so that pretty much rules.


Vintage 40's Cupid Novelty Print Rayon Dress is available on Etsy from seller The Vintage Studio.

Aqua Blue Heaven Friday: Dot's Alright, Mama

Welcome to Aqua Blue Heaven Friday!



Days like today- you know: rainy/snowy/cloudy/grey/cold/crappy/still wintery- make me feel like spring will neeeever get here and we'll all be buried under mounds of dirty-ass snow for the rest of our lives until death do us part. (Cheerful, no?) But then you see a cute and happy lil' frock like this Vintage 60's Aqua Polka Dot Wiggle Dress and you think that even if we never see warm weather again, at least we can take solace in knowing that our carcasses can at least be buried in a cute frock like this and sometimes, just knowing that is enough to get you through days like these. (Wow. Cheerful, no?)

Behold, the happy cuteness! Polka dots- always great! Aqua- never bad! The price- pretty decent!




Now if someone can do something about the weather, that'd be great. Wake me in a month.

I'm Still Here!

Howdy, kids!
Just popping in to let you know I am not A.) sick... and probably not B.) dead (although I may be only mostly dead. (Shout-out to my fellow 80's movie nerdaholics who totally got that reference)... and while I'm not 100% on this, I don't think I'm C.) abducted and currently being probed by aliens. I will be returning tomorrow (for Aqua Blue Heaven Friday) to keep calm and carry on as usual!

Until then, lovelies!
xoxo

Prints Charming Sunday: Tiny Dancer

Thanks for dropping by another fine Prints Charming Sunday!




You know, I was all set to try and find a sweet and romantic (albeit generic) rose print for today's theme. I know, I know, roses are hardly news-worthy OR that much of a novelty, but being as though it's Valentine's Day coming up and all (in case you forgot) I thought I'd go the cliche route and write about them. But then I found a print that rocked my socks off (whatever that means) because not only is it roses (aww sweet, blech) but it's also a novelty print (huzzah!). And what a combo at that! I give you:





Roses and...Mexican dancers? With fans? And sombreros, even? Perfecto! Not too syrup-y, not too wacky, not too...Valentine's Day-y...just right! Plus, it's not tiny!...unlike the dancers on the it. (Thank you! I'll be here all night!)




Vintage 40's Rayon Novelty Print Tiered Peplum Dress is available on Etsy from seller Club Vintage.