Way-Out Wednesday: Put Your Head On My Shoulder...Or Wall.

It's Way-Out Wednesday, kids!



I've really gotta stay away from the handmade section on Etsy, because I always find the most creative and bizarre things on there that I covet deeply and wish I had thought of. (I just ended a sentence with a preposition. The horror!)

Do you have that annoying friend who likes to lecture about the perils of eating animals and the moral and ethical wrongness of it and how animals are people too and who have PETA on speed dial and would rather burn out the retinas of their fellow man by going naked than wearing fur and refuse to wear products made from animals or tested on animals but like to wear synthetic clothing that looks like it came from an animal and eat tofu-based food that tastes like animal and their reasoning is that it's irony even though you explain that's crazy talk because it's not irony at all dumbass, but hypocrisy? Or maybe you just have a friend that likes fun, clever stuff?

If so, I may have found the perfect seller for you. I strongly suggest you tell that friend to, in the words of Arthur Fonzarelli, "sit on it." I also strongly suggest you check out Data Mafia, who makes stuffed animal mounted heads. I really could make a "that's not the only thing that should be mounted" joke, but I will refrain. Plus, their shop banner rocks: "Hip Modern Art That Doesn't Match Your Sofa".


Behold:














This one is by far my favorite, and apparently everyone else wants to see that stupid Fozzie bear dead too, because it's already sold. But at least you can sleep soundly tonight knowing a menace like him is off the streets, torturing innocent bystanders with his corny jokes, bad puns and one-liners. He was asking for it. Now if only someone would do that to Carrot Top. Wocka wocka!

Atomic Tuesday: Swingin' Them Jingle Bells

Welcome to Atomic Tuesday!




I can't believe I'm bringing up the topic of Christmas, but you know, it's really not all that far off. Usually I'm one of those people that waits until *thee* very last minute to buy gifts- not because I hate doing it, in fact, I'm a fairly kickass gift-giver (most of the time, when I think of other people's wants and feelings and human emotions or whatever it is they have) and love buying other people crap I know they'll dig. I wait so long because...I wait so long. No excuse, really. I'm just a procrastinator. And every year I swear that next year I'm gonna be on top of it and start shopping months in advance and go all-out with crazy-cool presents and I won't make baby jebus cry because I'd rather park my keister on the couch and watch a marathon of Absolutely Fabulous with a side of Cheetos than go out into the cold and head to the mall, or wherever. However, this year baby jebus will shed tears of wonder! and joy! and relief!, for I have bought my second Xmas present so far. Second! I also plan to do alot more online shopping than before. I could say it's to "save gas and protect the environment" but screw that, it's really because I'm lazy. I'm still motivated though and could keep going, looking around for other peeps on my list...buuuut I'd rather not. 2 presents are good enough so far, so it's break time. Bust out the chips and cherry coke, it's procrastinate time. (Simmer, baby jebus, I'm on a break.)

So in keeping with the "holiday spirit" (bah), today's Atomic Tuesday is along the lines of really cool, slightly offbeat (the best kind!), atomic-themed items that I think would make pretty kickassular gifts. I adore those crazy Etsy crafters. Enjoy, my little figgy puddings:




Handmade Atomic Clock Bracelet. It's so clever! It totally gets my crafty mojo workin'! But then I figure I'll leave the artsy craftsy to the experts so's I can get back to my stories.




Atomic Symbol Ring I looove this idea- it also comes with a chunk of red sealing wax, so you can seal your letters with an atom stamp. What old-timey fun!




Atomic TV Night Light. The night light is actually handmade with glazed porcelain. I'm going to buy one of these for a hip kid I know who is obsessed with nuclear bombs of the 50's, making that 3 presents bought so far! I'm on a roll.




Hand thrown/handmade Fully Functional Atomic Porcelain Tea Pot. I don't even...I mean, what can I...Coooool.





Nuclear Squid T-Shirt. My indie unhipness is showing, but what does a squid have to do with an atomic symbol? All's I know is that I likes it! Wasn't there some sci-fi b-movie in the 50's about a giant nuclear squid? And it came to Earth in a spaceship and had plans to destroy the human race with it's Ink of Doom but changed it's mind, thus teaching us all how to love again? I dunno, I made that last part up.






"Swingin' Them Jingle Bells" by Fats Waller.

The Real Housewives of Flatbush

This has gotta be my most favorite vintage pattern of all time. I want to get a tattoo of these broads. It's so ahead of it's time. You know, assuming it meant to be ahead of it's time in a trashy cliche Mafia wife kind of way. Which I'm sure was exactly the look the pattern illustrator was going for.







Stripes: "So I says to him, I says: "Hey! Whassa matta you? What do I look like, a side of veal? Fuggedaboudit! I ain't nobody's goomar, so gets your doity paws off me! You can stuff your cannoli in somebody else's ziti', if you's know what I mean. Then I took Johnny to soccer practice and drank half a carafe of red wine while I sat in da minivan. Oh my gaaawd, I was so mad. What a daaawg."

Solid: " 'Sup. You want me to gets da boys and go medievel on his ass? Maybe he'll gets a pair of cement shoes. Maybe they'll have a pair of mohair knit booties to match. And maybe he'll up 6 feets unda Prospect Park. You never know how my boys roll. 7-1-8 represent, yo."

Aqua Blue Heaven Friday- Mama's Got A Brand New Bag

It's Aqua Blue Heaven Friday! Today's theme is the vintage needlepoint handbag. Also called a carpet bag. Sometimes called a tapestry bag. Many names, all the same dealio. I've come to find through talking to other vintage lovers that they either love 'em or haaaate 'em. I, for one, adore them! Yeah, they have a bad rep for being considered Grandma-y, but not all of them look like they're on their way to bingo at the fire hall.

Since it's friday, you know I found some to go with the day's theme- and I'll tell you ingrates what: it was not easy finding this style of vintage handbag in shades of aqua. I'm not sure why the color palette of choice with these tends to be on the earth tone side, deep maroons and such, so you'll take what I found and like 'em! Or don't, if you're in the group of "I hate 'em", in which I would say "Good day sir!" to you. To the rest of you who also like this sort of thing, I hope you enjoy!




Vintage 60's Mod Puzzle Pieces Handbag. I really dig the oversize O-rings on this sucka!





Vintage Velvet Tapestry Needlepoint Handbag. Velvet plus a big fat rose equals major win!





Vintage Calla Lillies Needlepoint Handbag. I associate the lillies and the black with having a creepy, funeral-y vibe, but you know, in a cool way. Like it would make some goth chick moderately happy. Am I insane for thinking that? Note: That was purely rhetorical and not meant to be answered. Wiseass.





Vintage 60's Aqua Tapestry Mini Suitcase. Ok, so yeah, it's technically a suitcase but look at those colors! Do love. I want a sofa with that same fabric. And no, I'm not kidding. It kinda rocks.





Vintage Under The Sea Theme Needlepoint Handbag. You know you love it. Also, take note of the bizarre love triangle going on with the goldfish, seahorse and random pink fish.





Vintage Raffia Needlepoint Handbag from Joules. This one's my favorite! It's been bedazzled, people. Bedazzled! It's like I always never say: what the world needs now is not love, sweet love, Burt Bacharach you idiot, what it needs is more fake plastic gems hot glued to crap.

Way-Out Wednesday: It Takes Two To Make A Thing Go...Wrong.

It's Way-Out Wednesday and I have a very special treat for you today! ...Come to think of it, I guess it's not so much a "treat", really, as it is more of a special kind of eye torture and mental fuckuppery that will stick with you...pretty much forever. What could possibly BE more fun, you ask? How about twice the terror? Sweet rapture! I'm doubling your pleasure and doubling your fun- not like that, perv. Oh, you'll see. You'll all see! Mwuahahahahaha.

So. You know how you're always asking me: "Kim, do tell: what would happen if a leprechaun, Ron Howard, anyone related to Ron Howard, Seth Green, a dozen hot wings from Hooters, a bachelor party blow-up doll, Prince Harry, the wardrobe department for the Little Rascals, Milton Berle, Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch, every 1940's cartoon cliche of a hillbilly, Drop Dead Fred, Malachai from Children of the Corn, Johnny Rotten, a pre-op sex change Lucille Ball impersonator, Axl Rose, and half a pound of baloney had twins?"

I can finally answer that. This:






Because your parents don't screw you up enough during childhood, why not go the extra distance and multiply every Poltergeist-esque night terror times two, permanently sealing the deal of a lifetime of emotional and mental scars that no amount of Valium, Jim Beam, and experimental shock treatment can cure. Thanks, Mom!

Atomic Tuesday: Java Jive

Welcome to this week's Atomic Tuesday!




I wonder if any of you guys have this same problem as I? Do you ever feel...not so fresh?... PSYCHE! That's just gross and inappropriate, 2 things I am not. Ok, I am, just not when it comes to rocking cliche feminine hygiene jokes from the 80's. The problem I have is with finding decent vintage coffee mugs. Dishes, glasses, barware, I've got a ton of it. All mis-matched, of course- well, except for the fancy stuff, which is all matched but never gets used, because, really, who do I think I am? The Queen of England who throws fancy-pants dinner parties? (Does she throw fancy-pants parties? I would assume so, she is the Queen after all. Also, "pants" means something entirely different in the UK, which makes this even funnier.)

You can generally find a buttload of vintage mugs in thrift stores any day of the week, but they're either those artsy fartsy, earth-toned, heavy pottery ones from the 70's that some hippie made with hemp and mud and crap OR factory-made ceramic ones with orange and yellow daisies all over them. I can appreciate both, and in fact, in the right vintage-themed kitchen the orange & yellow floral ones could be cool, but it's just not what I'm looking for right now. I'm always on the hunt for cool atomic mugs, any color or pattern works. I'm easy. (Hey-yoooo!) Sure, atomic-y mugs are out there. But most of the time you have to buy the entire matching set, including all the dishes. Or more commonly, they're always tea cups being called coffee mugs. There's a big difference! Tea cups are too small for a big-time coffee maniac such as myself. I mean, really, how hard is it to find actual coffee mugs in a cool pattern? Well, I've come to find it's pretty hard. (That's what she said. Zing!)

So for today's Atomic Tuesday, I've been stalking online for a while, trying to gather a decent enough collection of cool vintage 50's & 60's mugs to show you. I'm not gonna lie to you though, some of these are, in fact, tea cups, which makes me a little stab-a-rific and they're STILL not exactly what I had in mind, but hey, they're still rockin', so let's move on already. Enjoy!




Vintage Atomic Snowflake Mugs, Set of 4.





Vintage 60's Atomic "Cathay" Pattern Mugs, Set of 2.





Vintage 50's/60's Metlox Poppytrail Mugs, Set of 2.





Vintage 60's "Starlight" Pattern Starburst Teacups, Set of 3.





Vintage 60's Syralite "Captain's Table" Pattern Teacups, Set of 4. Captain Stubing sold separately.






Vintage 60's Homer Laughlin Footed Mugs, Set of 4. DO WANT THESE. These scream "Lewbowski", with all their bowl-a-rama kitschiness.







"Java Jive" by the Ink Spots.

Aww, Shucks~I Gots Me A Fancy Award!

Over the weekend I was given a major award! An award of awesomeness? An award of kickassery? No! Something way better. I was bestowed The Kreativ Blogger Award from gracious blogger extraordinaire & fellow Vintage Fashion Guild member, Fuzzylizzie, of The Vintage Traveler. I'm not only grateful, but stunned that someone as classy and dignified as Lizzie would even read my blog, which is...not so much classy. Or dignified. So thank you, Lizzie! I am flattered and amazed! (Also hungry and grumpy.)

So the deal is: I now pass the award onto 7 different people and then say 7 things I love. Those 7 peeps in turn give it to 7 other peeps and mention 7 things they love and so on. Piece-o-cake!

Blogs I'm awarding the hell out of:

1.) Bobbins and Bombshells

2.) The Vintage Librarian

3.) Vintage Goddess

4.) Real-Vintage

5.) Miss Matilda Dreams

6.) Tales of a Retro Modern Housewife

7.) Rosina Lee


Now 7 things I love:

1. I love to cook and bake. I hear it's a weird thing, imagining me to be all happy housewife-y & domestic goddess-y and all, but I do. I especially love baking in the winter.

2. I love health food stores as much as I love total garbage food. In fact, I've worked in 3 different health food stores in my retail days. Seriously. Despite my loathing of hippies and all things linked to them. I know. Full of wonderments and contradictions, I am.

3. I love when someone tells me that something I wrote here, some small little nonsensical line of gibberish, made them laugh and forget they were having the "worst day ever" for the moment. No confirmation on whether they went back to having the "worst day ever" after they left here. Probably.

4. I love the smell combo of rain on hot cement & freshly mowed grass. It's so summer.

5. I love not getting yelled at from someone who's selling something that I mocked here. So I guess that means I love when someone "gets it" and laughs along.

6. I love taking long, no-particular-place-to-go drives in the fall.

7. I love my own little family, who I think are about the coolest people I know. Also nerdiest, which translates to double love in my book.