Atomic Tuesday: Kiss My Ash.

It's Atomic Tuesday, kiddies!




And this week's atomic find is this Vintage Set of 2 Star Glow by Royal China Ashtrays.



Political correctness, to hell with you I say! I love vintage ashtrays and collect them when I can score them for a song and a dance, which is becoming less frequent these days it seems. Has smoking gotten such a bad rep that people just throw out their old ashtrays, assuming no one smokes anymore? Firstly, I would never use an ashtray as cool as this, with it's starburst-y goodness, as an actual ashtray. It's just too cool to be schmutzed up. But if anyone else chose to, go right ahead, what the hell do I care? Smoke 'em if you got 'em, I say. Secondly, do people forget that you need not be a smoker to like vintage ashtrays? They have a plethora of other uses, such as holding spare change and that random key or single button that you just can't bring yourself to throw out because you just know one day you'll find the shirt that's missing that very same button and you'll eventually figure out that the key is actually a spare you had made because you kept losing them to your '86 Honda Civic, which you haven't even owned for 15 years but what a great feeling it is to finally figure it out and throw it away after all this time. You see where I'm going with this, right?

Way-Out Wednesday: Put Your Head On My Shoulder...Or Wall.

It's Way-Out Wednesday, kids!



I've really gotta stay away from the handmade section on Etsy, because I always find the most creative and bizarre things on there that I covet deeply and wish I had thought of. (I just ended a sentence with a preposition. The horror!)

Do you have that annoying friend who likes to lecture about the perils of eating animals and the moral and ethical wrongness of it and how animals are people too and who have PETA on speed dial and would rather burn out the retinas of their fellow man by going naked than wearing fur and refuse to wear products made from animals or tested on animals but like to wear synthetic clothing that looks like it came from an animal and eat tofu-based food that tastes like animal and their reasoning is that it's irony even though you explain that's crazy talk because it's not irony at all dumbass, but hypocrisy? Or maybe you just have a friend that likes fun, clever stuff?

If so, I may have found the perfect seller for you. I strongly suggest you tell that friend to, in the words of Arthur Fonzarelli, "sit on it." I also strongly suggest you check out Data Mafia, who makes stuffed animal mounted heads. I really could make a "that's not the only thing that should be mounted" joke, but I will refrain. Plus, their shop banner rocks: "Hip Modern Art That Doesn't Match Your Sofa".


Behold:














This one is by far my favorite, and apparently everyone else wants to see that stupid Fozzie bear dead too, because it's already sold. But at least you can sleep soundly tonight knowing a menace like him is off the streets, torturing innocent bystanders with his corny jokes, bad puns and one-liners. He was asking for it. Now if only someone would do that to Carrot Top. Wocka wocka!

Way-Out Wednesday: That Touch of Mink

While searching through vintage furs for research not too long ago, I got sidetracked, naturally, and discovered a whole other realm of vintage fur... hmm..."things". In the 1940's, 50's and 60's, furs like mink and sable were in their heyday, being the fancy-pants fur of choice, coveted by everyday housewife types like Lucy and Ethel and rocked by Hollywood starlets like Doris Day. These days it's all very un PC and uncool to wear fur, but I say if the animal kicked the bucket decades ago, why the hell not wear it now, so it's death wasn't in vain, or whatever? Stupid hairy hippie girls ruin everything. I might not personally be a fan of fur, not for any ethical or moral reason- hell, I'd bedazzle a set of moose balls and wear 'em as earmuffs if I had to- but because just looking at it makes me feel itchy and sneezy. Totally a mental reject I am, I know. But far be it for me to hold back any chick who can wear a fur stole with a sequin cocktail dress and party like it's 1959.



Or guy. Whatever. What do I care if a guy wants to wear fur? (Ed Wood, you marvelous scamp, you.)


So naturally in the 50's and 60's, along with full-length coats, capes and stoles, luxe touches of fur like mink were incorporated into smaller and more affordable items like on earrings and pins. I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I think doing so made it somehow...creepy looking? Maybe I'm a freak or maybe I just found some especially farked-up examples. Either way, you might agree that the following minktastic accessories are farther from glam and closer to mutant. But you know, in a fancy way.

Please enjoy the following vintage 50's & 60's mink fur accessories. Jebus help us all. (Each pic is clickable to go to the seller's listing.)


Vintage mink pin. Nothing quite says "I'm a sexy bitch" than a furry flower. (Also, I can think of about a million disgusting things to say about that, but I will refrain.)



Oh, HELL no. I'm sorry animal lovers, but if I saw this in my house, I couldn't reach for a trap fast enough. Look at it's stabby metal tail. Ick. Oh god. Gross.



"Midge? The damn cat hacked up another fur ball again, get me a paper towel! Oh wait. Nevermind! It's just your sweater clip!"



Oh. Good. Lord. I mean, what is...seriously, who would...come ON, is that...I can't...I just can't...

Ain't That Just Like A Woman

No matter how socially unacceptable and un-PC smoking is, I can't help but adore vintage smoking ads. Maybe it's a big screw you to "The Man" or something in me that's like a 14 year old, when you tell them to do something, they do the opposite. Or maybe I'm just a good ol' fashioned gal who likes her steak, beer and vintage, with a finely-tuned sense of "lighten the hell up already". I love ads from the 1940's and 1950's, with their celebrity spokesmen and glamorous spin (word up, Ronald Reagan & Joan Crawford), while the ads from the 1960's and 70's were blatantly in-your-face with the sleaze (which I do appreciate) and made no apologies for the double entendres. Granted, they didn't paint us broads in a very positive light by being nothing more than just sexy beasts, but come on, since when is that bad?

Enjoy this bizarre collection of vintage late 60's Tiparillo ads. I'll admit I don't quite "get" their message; Is it: Even boring-ass, hit-every-branch-falling-out-of-the-fugly-tree, lame-o nerdy chicks can be hot if they smoke Tiparillos? If that's the case, toss me a Tiparrillo because this nerdy chick wants some skankification. You know, in the good, 1967 kind of way.




I wanna be a slutty violinist.




Now I wanna be a slutty lab tech.




Now I wanna be a slutty dental hygienist.





Now I wanna be a slutty librarian.


I don't know why those ding dang women libbers think these kinds of ads are degrading to women and hold us back in the business world or whateverthehell. Look at all the career choices I've set for myself in the past few seconds, which is quite a feat, you know, being a highly-suggestible dumb ol' girl and all, just from the power of suggestion from an ad. I want to be a violinist, a lab tech, a hygienist AND a librarian~ sure, slutty ones, but isn't it good to have goals?






"Ain't That Just Like A Woman" by Louis Jordan