It's Way-Out Wednesday and I have a very special treat for you today! ...Come to think of it, I guess it's not so much a "treat", really, as it is more of a special kind of eye torture and mental fuckuppery that will stick with you...pretty much forever. What could possibly BE more fun, you ask? How about twice the terror? Sweet rapture! I'm doubling your pleasure and doubling your fun- not like that, perv. Oh, you'll see. You'll all see! Mwuahahahahaha.
So. You know how you're always asking me: "Kim, do tell: what would happen if a leprechaun, Ron Howard, anyone related to Ron Howard, Seth Green, a dozen hot wings from Hooters, a bachelor party blow-up doll, Prince Harry, the wardrobe department for the Little Rascals, Milton Berle, Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch, every 1940's cartoon cliche of a hillbilly, Drop Dead Fred, Malachai from Children of the Corn, Johnny Rotten, a pre-op sex change Lucille Ball impersonator, Axl Rose, and half a pound of baloney had twins?"
I can finally answer that. This:
Because your parents don't screw you up enough during childhood, why not go the extra distance and multiply every Poltergeist-esque night terror times two, permanently sealing the deal of a lifetime of emotional and mental scars that no amount of Valium, Jim Beam, and experimental shock treatment can cure. Thanks, Mom!
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freaking me out! i had just about recovered from that scary-ass doll a while back and NOW THIS??
ReplyDeletei may never sleep again - i hate creepy dolls. remind me to tell you what my dad used to do to my teddy bear at night to make me think he was alive.
Ok now that I've recovered from falling off my chair laughing so much, that is mental fuckuppery to the core, but still a classic post.
ReplyDeleteYou know I do not know what would do without way out wednesday. How the hell do people get paid to invent and market this craziness??!!?? Well if they didn't my wednesdays wouldn't be the same.