Wednesday, September 9, 2009
It's Way-Out Wednesday and I have a very special treat for you today! ...Come to think of it, I guess it's not so much a "treat", really, as it is more of a special kind of eye torture and mental fuckuppery that will stick with you...pretty much forever. What could possibly BE more fun, you ask? How about twice the terror? Sweet rapture! I'm doubling your pleasure and doubling your fun- not like that, perv. Oh, you'll see. You'll all see! Mwuahahahahaha.
So. You know how you're always asking me: "Kim, do tell: what would happen if a leprechaun, Ron Howard, anyone related to Ron Howard, Seth Green, a dozen hot wings from Hooters, a bachelor party blow-up doll, Prince Harry, the wardrobe department for the Little Rascals, Milton Berle, Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch, every 1940's cartoon cliche of a hillbilly, Drop Dead Fred, Malachai from Children of the Corn, Johnny Rotten, a pre-op sex change Lucille Ball impersonator, Axl Rose, and half a pound of baloney had twins?"
I can finally answer that. This:
Because your parents don't screw you up enough during childhood, why not go the extra distance and multiply every Poltergeist-esque night terror times two, permanently sealing the deal of a lifetime of emotional and mental scars that no amount of Valium, Jim Beam, and experimental shock treatment can cure. Thanks, Mom!