Cretin Hop

C is for Clara who wasted away.



C is also for candy apple. Like on this oddly rad vintage 60's smock from Violet64.



Does it not look sort of like Nickelodeon slime on yellow apples? I don't know why but I think I love that. An annoying thing is that since it's technically a smock, the back only closes with 2 ties. But I totally want to wear this as not so much of a smock (because smocks make me think of frumpy, middle-aged women playing bingo at the fire hall on Saturday afternoons) but as an actual top, maybe shorten it, maybe wear it with a cardigan and lots of cheap plastic Peg Bundy jewelry or whatever. And maybe there's a frumpy, middle-aged woman who'll play bingo at the fire hall on Saturday afternoons inside of me waiting to come out. In which case, does anyone have Dr. Kevorkian's phone number?

I'm gonna dork out here for a second and talk sewing, so if there are any guys reading this, now's a good time to daydream about boobs or carburetors or beef jerky or whatever the hell boys think about.

So. If I was a girl (which I am) who could sew (which I can) but sew *well* (which I can't), I would buy this top (which I might) and add a zipper down the back, mayhaps even buttons (which could work, though buttons are more work that anyone needs to do, especially for lazy-ass Cheeto freaks who can't be bothered to do things the right way but the half-assed slacker way, such as myself. On second thought, maybe I'd just duct tape the back closed and call it a day. Also, was that my longest thought ever inside a set of parentheses? What the hell's up that? "C" should be for crazy, because apparently I'm heading in that direction, with all this thinking done in brackets. I think I had a clear, concise blog idea when I started typing this morning but sadly last night's tomfoolery has taken a toll on me, what with all the Shirley Temples and canasta. Ok not really, but I'm mentally preparing for my mid-life crisis).