Sunday, October 5, 2008

Don't Fear The Reaper

D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.


D is also for Devilish. And Dumbass. Which kind of go hand-in-hand on Halloween. Gather 'round kids, and I'll spin ye a yarn of epic stupidity.

Not long ago, a friend of mine and I were talking about some of the really extra stupid crap we pulled as teenagers. You could call them "wacky shenanigans". But I wouldn't. I'd still call them "really extra stupid crap". The kind of stunts that were pretty dangerous or law-breaking, and in hindsight, it makes me wonder how I didn't end up dead. It also makes me wonder how can one person do so much stupid shit and not get caught? These days, I get scared when I forget to take my vitamins. The horror! My vitamin C intake is at minimum capacity! 200cc's of orange juice, STAT! Like this one time (at band camp...ha..ha? that even still funny anymore? Do people still SAY that? Someone please clarify and put me out of my "lame puns from 5 years ago that only dorks still say" misery. Thank you.

ANYWAY. This one time when I was about 17, my friends and I were driving around bored after sneaking drinks out of the off box-o-wine that belonged my my friend's mom who always worked and was never home, and when she WAS, she let us drink, so of course she was "cool". We thought we were badASS, by the way. And did I say we were driving under the influence and underage? I meant to say that we were gathering wheat sheaves and exchanging our favorite bible passages and singing our most joyous hymns, DUH. So we were driving around and I distinctly remember "Don't Fear the Reaper" came on the radio and it moved me so much that I had another one of my brilliant ideas that involved criminal activity of some sort. My friend, the one with the "cool mom" who was always at work, worked at some printing press/newspaper/magazine/some place I forget the details of, and she had a CASE of promotional Nirvana stickers in the trunk...Without incriminating myself, let the record show that a bunch of teens were never caught plastering cars with Nirvana sticks in various parking lots across town, including a few that belonged to teachers...Thanks, Blue Oyster Cult! You give me the best ideas.

For all you Saturday Night Live fans, you KNOW I gotta post "the one about the cowbell" Blue Oyster Cult skit with Christopher Walken. I couldn't post the clip here, because those corporate douches at SNL won't allow it, but at least here's the link you can copy and paste to watch the skit. Great stuff, you'll love it, you'll get a fever for more cowbell. Though I cannot be held responsible for any devilish OR dumbass acts that result from watching it.

(If anyone can get their grubby paws on the actual clip of the show in html so I can post it here, there might be a free Nirvana bumper sticker in it for you).

1 comment:

  1. Oh hush up, WE NEED MORE COW BELL over here. I just aint getting that feeling yet. HA, good times.

    Yeah I was a crazy bastard when I was in my teens too. I was in a "Gang/set" called North side crew. We were all skins, it was a skin gang, and NO NO NO not the nazi kind either, actually our set claimed to be anti-nazi and we'd beat the fuck outta any nazi skin(s) that came around.

    Man we did some seriously crazy stuff. One story that sticks out is one night after punk rock club hoppin 3 of us (including me) were drvin home and a car pulled up next to us and started talking shit. The skin in the front passenger seat was the epitome of bad ass. We followed them a few blocks, then pulled behind them at the next available red light. Mr. bad ass fires his way out of our car like a cheeta, goes to the trunk of our car, grabs a baseball bat and knocks out the guys rear window then gets back in the car like it was nothing.

    Those guys turned the opposite way and we never saw them again.

    Fucking nuts.