Flying Dutchman

F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.



F is also for Freddie. In a fedora. Two f's for the price of one! (I had something filthy going on with that, but I couldn't make it work. Use your imagination. Do I have to do all the work? That's what SHE said. And I'm back!)



Here are 2 things of interest when I googled images of Freddy Krueger, and I'm not counting the 427 pictures of random jackasses dressed like Freddie at random jackassy college keggers:

1. Because apparently there aren't enough skanky costumes in the world already, you can be a slutty Freddy Krueger. A girl's gotta have options I guess.



2. I'm not sure how I feel about these. I've never owned any brand of sneaker other than Converse* and I sure as hell never owned a pair of Nike's a day in my life but I'd consider wearing these. They do look kind of cool from a distance, all stripey and whatnot...



...But up close and personal they have red, pseudo blood splatters all over them...hmm...

...

...and the soles look like MELTED FLESH. Don't get me wrong, I'm ALL FOR the horror business, I love anything to do with it. But Freddy sneakers with oozy skin soles? Come ON, Nike. Sell out much? You can google these yourself, because now I'm mad at Nike and they will get no props or shout-outs or links or love from me. So put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, Nike.



(But they are kinda cool).

*I am mistaken. I did own something other than chucks, in college when I needed to have "sensible sneakers" for a gym requirement. It was for the Beginners Folk & Square Dancing class, which was way nerdy but offered the easiest amount of physical exertion of the gym glasses, other than say, bowling. The square dancing part was retarded and awesome, as were the folksy dances (the Tarantella rules, yo). But "The Achy Breaky"? Oy vey. It was 1994 so lay off me, people. Do I remember anything from that class? I do not. Though I bet I could Macarena my ass off at a wedding. Who am I kidding, I'd be at the open bar making fun of the people doing the Electric Slide. I've been called many things before: grumpy, sarcastic, coal miner. But never a wedding dancer. Though I may bring the Humpty Dance back, no confirmation on that just yet.