Way-Out Wednesday: Fears Of A Clown.

It's time for Way-Out Wednesday!






It's been a while since I've shown off a perfectly good (read: petrifying) creepy-ass vintage doll in a while, so today's the day. Today's disturbingly awesome pick is this Vintage Clown Marionette from Etsy seller Shermancat. (Which, by the way, all proceeds from the sale of it go to the Humane Society of York County. See? Good can come from scary.)





(Green Day-inspired guyliner?! Tiny blue hands? WHY?!)






Enjoy the night terrors.

Everybody Scream, Everybody Scream! In Our Town Of Halloween...

(Yes, those are part of the lyrics to "This is Halloween" from Nightmare Before Christmas, one of my top 3 favorite Tim Burton flicks. LOVE.)

With Halloween coming closer, I thought you'd dig some vintage Halloween pics, just for fun! I apologise for today's image-heaviness, but these next 10 pics are fun, in a "clowns are never fun" kind of way. (Some of the pics are pretty big, but some are stupidly small, so hopefully the even balance won't make your computer have a seizure.)

The photos were taken in September of 1960 by photographer George Silk of kids in Connecticut and were published in the October 31, 1960 Halloween edition of Life magazine.

Way-Out Wednesday: Don't Send In The Clowns

I think for the rest of the month I shall do nothing but post a creepy-ass vintage doll for Way-Out Wednesdays because there are justsomanyofthem. Either that or start a second blog where I do nothing but post a different creepy-ass doll every day, but that's already sounding pretty ambitious and like most things in this here blogland, it's probably already being done a million and one times by a million and one goth girls, so maybe it's not such a novel and marvelous idea after all. See how self-sabotaging I am? What is wrong with me? There should be a pill for that. Oh right, there is. It's called the "shut the hell up you nut bar and get on with the show already" pill. Or maybe it's just called Valium. Whatever.

I certainly hope you guys aren't bored to tears with clowns because, I mean, damn there are a ton of 'em out there. Almost all of which are scary or creepy or disturbing. Which of course means I love it. And today's pick is no exception. Today's vintage 50's/60's clown is brought to you by Modern Day Vintage. It's even one of those rolly polly toys, the kind that just sway back and forth but don't fall down. Which isn't terrifying at all. Let's see how kid-friendly this sucker is...




Oh sweet jebus with a churro. Come on. Look at his face! And his big fatass belly! It's like he's saying "Hey hey, kids! Stabby the Clown here! What's wrong, kids? You're scared? Of my belly? And the way I'm holding it, like I'm guarding a deep and terrifying secret? Have no fear, its not filled with... deep fried children... Nope! Now get your asses over here so Stabby can dip you in batter."

Way-Out Wednesday: Clowntime Is Over

Welcome to another Way-Out Wednesday, kids! I'm taking a slight hiatus from posting too many creepy-ass vintage dolls in a row. I don't want to spoil you. Instead, I'm heading back to an old favorite here in Way-Out land: the circus. And more specifically, the disgusting clown which IS ALWAYS SCARY NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. They are. If they're not scary-looking, they're angry-looking. And if they're not angry-looking, they're pervy-looking, though I do prefer a perv clown to one that looks ready to suck your soul from your eye sockets.

So please "enjoy" this week's Way-Out Wednesday pick, this Vintage Circus Clown Painting.




"Step right up folks, and thanks for stopping by the Happy Family Fun Time Circus, right here in sunny downtown Compton! I'm Itchy the Clown, your MC for the evening. We have the second to lowest-rated circus around- so you know what that means? You could do slightly worse! My badly-burned hands don't permit me to perform my famous fire-juggling act anymore, but there's still plenty to see! Bring the kids to our petting zoo! Our giraffes have moderate cases of scoliosis, making it even easier fro them to bend down and eat pellets right out of your hand! Word of caution, though: we've had a small outbreak of rabies in the duck department, so they've been bound and gagged with balloon strings, but the kids can still look at them from a safe distance. Enjoy the elephant show, where they've been forced into submission by having their achilles tendons slashed by sword-wielding ballerinas! If fast-paced action and death-defying thrills are your game, then come on in to the acrobat tent! Give it up for our newest members of the family, Svetlana and Bogdana, straight from Russia! They don't let their fused-together bodies from an unfortunate Chernobyl accident get them down! Come on in and enjoy the show!"





"Clowntime is Over" by Elvis Costello.

Way-Out Wednesdays: (I Never Promised You A) Rose Garden

What with everyone talking nonstop about their gardens lately, I thought perhaps there was some way to incorporate that into Way-Out Wednesdays. But I didn't have my mojo working (idea dysfunction can happen to anyone, you know. There's a pill for that now, I heard) and I couldn't figure out where exactly to go with that theme, so I almost scrapped the whole ding dang idea. And then my girl over at Somebodys Favourite Girl (AKA Ms De Vil) smacked me upside the head with a great idea: Why not do wonderful (fugly) vintage planters? Mad props to her for getting my mojo back. (Oh, behave.) Done and done. Planters are used in gardening after all and jebus knows there are more than enough ridonkulous ones out there floating around. In fact, I found so many hideous/rad vintage planters that I may have to do a second installment about them. Unless I lose my mojo again or forget.

So for today's Way-Out Wednesday, I bring you the vintage planter that makes you wonder what the fark the maker was thinking. I mean, really. You could pick more attractive things out of your belly button than some of the ones I found. I mean, really. (If you've ever wondered what I would look like if I was a male owl planter, you'll find out below. That one is made of awesome and I really want it. I love you, grumpy owl planter.) So not all of these are total abominations of the ceramics world, some are kinda cool in their way. (But you know, still fug.)

(Warning: I maybe went a little overboard (who, me?!) and this is probably the most bandwithiest, picture-heavy post yet. I couldn't stop. I have a problem.)



Swine Flu Dog would like you to know that he now comes with his own barf bucket.





Sexual Deviant Giraffe would like you to know that he would like it very much if you kicked him the balls before planting anything in him.





Cross-Dressing Squirrel would like you to know that just because you caught him in a compromising position of applying his mother's lipstick when you walked in on him in the basement while he had a fat girl trapped at the bottom of a well, that he is not gay.




Extremely Angry Squirrel would like you to know he's not putting up with any more shit from you or your plants today.






BJ Cat would like you to know that your face really can freeze that way.





Indifferent Owl would like you to know he is not amused by your choice of plant, but doesn't really care one way or the other what you plant in him anyway, so whatever.





Harem Girl from New York wants you to know that she wants you to go fuck yourself and then fuggedaboudit.





Burn Victim Clown would like you to know that he swears he wasn't the one who hunted the kids of Elm Street and that he was burned to death in the school's furnace for no reason. But he's not mad or planning on getting his revenge on the entire town, so you should trust him and come see what he has hidden for you inside his drum.






Tony the Pervert would like you to know he's got somethin' real important to give you: it's his dick on a box.





"(I Never Promised You A) Rose Garden" by Lynn Anderson.

Way-Out Wednesday: Return To Sender

One of the new things I'm going to do around these here parts (in addition to the Vintage Giveaways) is a little something that's called "Way-Out Wednesdays", where I'll find something vintage in nature on the interweb that's bizarre, hideous, creepy or just plain ol' fug. Try not to think of it, but last Wednesday was the Terrorphone. I think I sort of prematurely shorted-out with that beast. Nothing will ever top that, so everything else will seem so much more normal in comparison. But that's OK. Fugly is as fugly does.

Today's Way-Out Wednesday's pick is vintage gift wrap. Horrible stuff, this wrapping paper is. (I sounded like Yoda just there.) Nothing says "I hate you and my mom made me give you a stupid present at your lame-ass party" than when you wrap it in this crap.

(All the wrapping paper below is for sale. If you care enough to send the very worst, just click on each pic to take you to the listing.)



This is wedding gift wrap, people. Soft core porn paper. "Did somebody here order a pizza...and a mustache ride?" You can just hear "bom chicka wah wah". See? This is why I hate the 70's. It's just so...70's.



She's playing with hand puppets that look like her. One of the best parenting lessons you should instill in your child is the importance of narcissism.



It's feeding time at the zoo.



How do you know when the soup is done? When the babies turn bright pink.



Self explanatory.



This is a 2-parter because there's so much evil going on with this sheet. First, these little bastards. "Final Destination 4: The Dead End Kids Bump Off Their First Victims." This is why you never sit in the front seat, people!

And this is another section of the same paper. Apparently it's Murder Day at the carnival...



When you don't give little Johnny his money, he will cut a bitch. Aww, they grow up so fast. One minute they're learning to talk, the next minute the have to shiv their triflin' ho's for not paying up. They're so cute at that age. Needless to say, I love this paper.



OH SWEET JESUS. Thinkofahappyplace...thinkofahappyplace....