Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Way-Out Wednesday: Return To Sender

One of the new things I'm going to do around these here parts (in addition to the Vintage Giveaways) is a little something that's called "Way-Out Wednesdays", where I'll find something vintage in nature on the interweb that's bizarre, hideous, creepy or just plain ol' fug. Try not to think of it, but last Wednesday was the Terrorphone. I think I sort of prematurely shorted-out with that beast. Nothing will ever top that, so everything else will seem so much more normal in comparison. But that's OK. Fugly is as fugly does.

Today's Way-Out Wednesday's pick is vintage gift wrap. Horrible stuff, this wrapping paper is. (I sounded like Yoda just there.) Nothing says "I hate you and my mom made me give you a stupid present at your lame-ass party" than when you wrap it in this crap.

(All the wrapping paper below is for sale. If you care enough to send the very worst, just click on each pic to take you to the listing.)

This is wedding gift wrap, people. Soft core porn paper. "Did somebody here order a pizza...and a mustache ride?" You can just hear "bom chicka wah wah". See? This is why I hate the 70's. It's just so...70's.

She's playing with hand puppets that look like her. One of the best parenting lessons you should instill in your child is the importance of narcissism.

It's feeding time at the zoo.

How do you know when the soup is done? When the babies turn bright pink.

Self explanatory.

This is a 2-parter because there's so much evil going on with this sheet. First, these little bastards. "Final Destination 4: The Dead End Kids Bump Off Their First Victims." This is why you never sit in the front seat, people!

And this is another section of the same paper. Apparently it's Murder Day at the carnival...

When you don't give little Johnny his money, he will cut a bitch. Aww, they grow up so fast. One minute they're learning to talk, the next minute the have to shiv their triflin' ho's for not paying up. They're so cute at that age. Needless to say, I love this paper.

OH SWEET JESUS. Thinkofahappyplace...thinkofahappyplace....


  1. Clown paper? TERRIFYING!!!!!! That paper makes some of John Wayne Gacy's paintings look like nothing. And trust me, Ive had my hands on some of his work before.

  2. You know, Kim, you are just made of awesome. I cracked up reading this post. And I gotta admit, I got kinda freaked out when I had a bird fluttering by me like it was insane, while sitting at a stoplight the other day. That's thanks to you.


    girl, you rock.

  4. What is that wordle thing?! The link doesn't work. I'm itching to know what in tarnation it is? DO TELL! Oh yeah, please, and stuff.