Way-Out Wednesdays: (I Never Promised You A) Rose Garden

What with everyone talking nonstop about their gardens lately, I thought perhaps there was some way to incorporate that into Way-Out Wednesdays. But I didn't have my mojo working (idea dysfunction can happen to anyone, you know. There's a pill for that now, I heard) and I couldn't figure out where exactly to go with that theme, so I almost scrapped the whole ding dang idea. And then my girl over at Somebodys Favourite Girl (AKA Ms De Vil) smacked me upside the head with a great idea: Why not do wonderful (fugly) vintage planters? Mad props to her for getting my mojo back. (Oh, behave.) Done and done. Planters are used in gardening after all and jebus knows there are more than enough ridonkulous ones out there floating around. In fact, I found so many hideous/rad vintage planters that I may have to do a second installment about them. Unless I lose my mojo again or forget.

So for today's Way-Out Wednesday, I bring you the vintage planter that makes you wonder what the fark the maker was thinking. I mean, really. You could pick more attractive things out of your belly button than some of the ones I found. I mean, really. (If you've ever wondered what I would look like if I was a male owl planter, you'll find out below. That one is made of awesome and I really want it. I love you, grumpy owl planter.) So not all of these are total abominations of the ceramics world, some are kinda cool in their way. (But you know, still fug.)

(Warning: I maybe went a little overboard (who, me?!) and this is probably the most bandwithiest, picture-heavy post yet. I couldn't stop. I have a problem.)



Swine Flu Dog would like you to know that he now comes with his own barf bucket.





Sexual Deviant Giraffe would like you to know that he would like it very much if you kicked him the balls before planting anything in him.





Cross-Dressing Squirrel would like you to know that just because you caught him in a compromising position of applying his mother's lipstick when you walked in on him in the basement while he had a fat girl trapped at the bottom of a well, that he is not gay.




Extremely Angry Squirrel would like you to know he's not putting up with any more shit from you or your plants today.






BJ Cat would like you to know that your face really can freeze that way.





Indifferent Owl would like you to know he is not amused by your choice of plant, but doesn't really care one way or the other what you plant in him anyway, so whatever.





Harem Girl from New York wants you to know that she wants you to go fuck yourself and then fuggedaboudit.





Burn Victim Clown would like you to know that he swears he wasn't the one who hunted the kids of Elm Street and that he was burned to death in the school's furnace for no reason. But he's not mad or planning on getting his revenge on the entire town, so you should trust him and come see what he has hidden for you inside his drum.






Tony the Pervert would like you to know he's got somethin' real important to give you: it's his dick on a box.





"(I Never Promised You A) Rose Garden" by Lynn Anderson.