Daddy Sang Bass

Happy Father's Day to all you manly types! I hope you all get awesomely bad presents, because that's what Father's Day is for, crappy gift-giving from your ungrateful children who also don't call enough and could do so much better than that loser boyfriend of theirs and if they only applied themselves more, they wouldn't be stuck in a cubicle office job and also, why don't you visit more often?! Damn kids, they're so overrated.

May I present a few suggestions for the perfect Father's Day gift:

1.) A 40 of Colt 45. If it's good enough for Billy Dee it's good enough for me, I always never say.



Is your Pop less cool and more nerdy white guy? A sixer of Schlitz oughtta do it.



2.) Mmmm, Lucky Strikes.



3.) Since every man thinks he's the master of the meat grillin', these super rad vintage 50's coasters are perfecto for his Schlitz from EraPhernaliaVintage. Plus, what's with the floating heads? Did they not notice his apron says "Head Chef"?!



4.) Every Dad needs a tie, whether he'll actually wear it or not is irrelevant. It's the thought, dammit. This 50's tie from Hatfeathers Vintage is a little Dali-esque and a little cartoony. Much like my life. Jenn actually has a lot of awesome vintage ties--I almost wrote "toes", which I'm sure hers are lovely and all but a severed toe would NOT a great present make. Unless you were that cannibal BBQ chef above.



It might be a bit late for these presents, but there's always next year. You can always do what I do- buy stuff early, hide it, then spend the next 364 days trying to remember where you hid it all. And I only ever have one hiding spot, and that's in my closet, so the fact that I panic and forget where I put it is kind of sad.

In hommage to the day of the dad, here are a couple of me and my Dad, rocking the white guy 'fro. It was the 70's after all and he was a bad mutha', shut yo mouth.

Doing what I like to do best. Although there's no empty Jack Daniels bottle.



Doing my second favorite thing, partying my face off.



Wow. What a badass. The nerd doesn't fall far from the tree.



Happy Father's Day!

Moonshine Martinis

You know, I don't live in a super urban area, it's not hip or trendy, yet it isn't backwoods Inbredville either. It *used* to be much more hick-ish, but the past 10 years this area has been flooded with out of state transplants and commuters, so I wonder where all the local yocals that *used* to be here went?! Every once in a while when the Last Of The Yocals come out from their cabins in the woods and head into the Big City to do their Dollar Tree shoppin', much to my amusement I get in on their conversations, from the toothpaste aisle while they're comparing toiler paper. Like I did yesterday. You call it eavesdropping? I call it a free show!

We join our cast in the middle of a conversation. Translators are standing by. Let's listen in...(and the teeth-grindingly annoying conversation went something like this:)

Woman 1: Billy said he seen you's guys down by the crick.
(translation: Billy told me that he saw you guys at the creek)

Woman 2: Yeah, him an' his girlfriend was tryin' to fix them holes in his tars he got from drivin' 'round in the junkyard last saterdee night
(translation: Billy and his girlfriend were trying to fix the holes in his tires from driving around in the junkyard last saturday night)

***Intermission....I couldn't take it anymore and carried on with my white trashy Dollar Tree shoppin'....met up with them again later in the Snicker doodles and heard...


Woman 1: Jaeat yet?
(translation: Did you eat yet?)

Woman 2: Larry's takin' me to that carnival down the way and we're gonna git sauseege and peppers. Y'comin?
(translation: Larry is taking me to the carnival and we're going to get sausage and peppers. Are you coming?)


At that point I was close to pulling a Van Gogh just so's I didn't have to listen anymore. Good times with the yocals. But like I never say, you can have a good time in moderation!

And therein lies the stupidness. This is PENNSYLVANIA. We are not southern, we are nowhere near the south geographically-speaking. In fact we fought the South in the Civil Way, people. Go Billy Yanks! Yet the old timers around here have a slight twang that MAKES NO SENSE. Maybe that's why it's called "Pennsyltucky".

Well if you're gonna talk like a yocal, you better DRESS like one! Although, not so much in a Clampett-rope-belt way, but a Petticoat Junction way. Like this cute vintage 60's pink gingham set from Morning Glorious!



(Now...have you's guys seen where I done left my banana puddin'?)

The Battle Of New Orleans

Remember a couple months ago I said family day trips are generally a better idea in theory than they actually are? No? How dare you. Let me recap: family day trips are generally a better idea in theory than they actually are. Case in point: this past weekend, just as I knew it was coming, The Fam had to take a trip to Gettysburg, not so much for the fun of it but more as a requirement for the ball and chain's grad class. Nay, he and the small fry thought it was maximum fun, to quote: "totally awesome!" Boys like canons and things that explode and make noise...


Yay! Canons are great!

...but me? Mehhhh...ugghhh. <---Actual sounds uttered by me. Ass hot (100 degrees, people), all outside, surrounded by tourists, walking. All things I loathe, with feeling! Don't get me wrong, Gettysburg has some kickass history which I do find interesting, to a degree, just not 100 of them. For instance, Devils Den.



Though my distance perception is off kilter, these ginormous rock mounds were billions of feet high. Can you can see the wee little random stranger standing at the top? I was at the bottom looking up, so these bitch rocks were HIGH and not "as a kite". Apparently the Calvary skulking across the fields had to climb over these piles-o-rocks and I guess it wasn't so much with the good times. So of course the boys had to climb them, to experience what they did, and all that. But not me. Unless Johnny Depp is at the top with a kiddie pool full of frozen daiquiris, my butt is staying at the bottom, thanks. Have fun, don't fall off, I'll wait in the car in the air conditioning, because that's what the soldiers would have done. No? Oh, crap. I suck at the "walk a mile in their shoes" and now a Gettysburg ghost will haunt me until I learn an After School Special kind of lesson.


Beautiful? Yes! Haunted? Not so much!

Did you know that Gettysburg is like the #1 most haunted place in the USA? Ghost Hunters said so, so it must be true. I took a jillion pictures, but no ghosts showed up an any of them- I ain't afraid of no ghosts, so what gives? Would they have shown up if it wasn't for those meddling kids? Was it the sight of the Mystery Machine that sent them in hiding? Damn you Scooby, damn you straight to hell.

Smoking In The Boy's Room

This week we found out that the Small Fry's school district is going to start wearing uniforms this fall. This is a mediocre school district at best and he's not even in some fancy-pants Catholic school, but would be if we could afford the million dollars a month tuition. We are after all fancy and Catholic by default, and you know what they say about Catholic School Boys!....Yeah, me neither. The whole wardrobe thing wasn't an issue until those damn teenagers ruined it for everyone as they ALWAYS do, breaking the rules what with their Hypercolor tee-shirts and acid washed pleated jeans...or whatever it is that those damn teenagers wear these days. They're the ones the also made dancing forbidden here and we're awaiting the arrival of an out-of-town young whippersnapper to come and free us all from our mortal sin with his Bruce Springsteen cassette tapes.

You know how every school on the planet has banned peanutty products because the ONE kid in the school is allergic to them, so why not punish everybody from the earthly delights of the deadly peanut? Well in our mediocre school they serve PB&J Uncrustables as a lunch option which is about as nutritious as a plate of dirt, plus they're just plain grody. So what GIVES? There will be NO Z Cavaricci's in this school, but peanuts for everyone! Which makes me wonder what would happen in a knife fight between Mr. Peanut and Mr. Monopoly, since they're so similar and all. Perhaps Mr. Peanut is the bastard son of Mr. Monopoly, given their similar taste in old-timey rich prospector garb.



Vs.



Are YOU an old-timey rich prospector looking for new garb? You simply must have a beaver top hat! You can get your very own vintage beaver top hat from El Catrin. And no, there will be no "beaver" jokes today.




Of COURSE there will, you don't know me by now?!

Rick: Dude, you should have totally seen what Tiffany did to me last night when I picked her up in my cherry new 1985 Camaro.

Brad: Probably sat on you face and gave you a Beaver Hat, huh?

Rick: Dude, how'd you know?

Brad: Because she gave ME a Beaver Hat last week when I picked her up in the Iroc-Z.

Rick: Buddy, high-five!

Brad: Score!


>End Scene<

eVintage Society's Blog Tag Wednesday

VINTAGE OR BUST!~ Blog Tag Wednesday~ SEX AND THE CITY
June 4th, 2008
Its Blog Tag Wednesday at the eVintage Society!

You can’t turn on the TV, walk past a magazine rack at the market or eavesdrop on ladies chatting at lunch (what, like you don’t do that?) without being assaulted with images and stories about the big screen debut of “Sex and the City”. Which, as we all know, is less about a riveting plot line than it is about FASHION! So lets dish!

1)We know Carrie favors vintage, but let’s dress them all! Like cyber paperdolls. To kick it off, show us a piece you think the quirky, eclectic and whimsical Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) would look great in from your inventory.

I picked out a vintage 50's sweater for her, instead of something that looks like one of her usual over-the-top dresses. I think this one is just quirky enough for Carrie to rock! You can see her rocking it with a clashing polka dot skirt, no?



2)Samantha (Kim Cattrall) works the vampy edge of fashion…what do you have in your inventory that can bring out the temptress in a woman?

This might be a stretch for Samantha, but I think she could skank it up quite nicely. I chose this silver lurex 60's Estevez number with a low back. If she wore it skin tight with stilettos it'd be vampy enough even for her.



3)Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) tends to play it safe, tending toward clean lines and classic silhouettes with the occasional sexy edge. What do you have in your inventory for her?

She's definitely the little black dress type, so I think this simple 60's Gay Gibson crepe cocktail dress would work on her. It's not too girlie, just like her!



4)Charlotte (Kristin Davis) is often seen in more feminine, flirty and girlie pieces. What vintage dress or ensemble do you have that would work for her character?

She's painfully Jackie-O, the matching hat-gloves-purse-shoes type. She could pull of this 60's matching splashy raindrop print handbag and hat! I don't have it listed yet, but it's coming soon!



5) Sex and the City Shoes. Stilettos? Of course! If you’ve got some vintage shoes to rival Carrie’s Jimmy Choos, show ‘em off here!

I don't really do shoes, sorry kids!

6)Love the show? Hate the show? Never seen it? Do tell. No spoilers if you’ve seen the movie!

At the risk of having a torch-and-pitchfork angry mob after me, here goes. I know as a female I'm *supposed* to look up to these 4 chicks, but I find them whiny and really annoying. They're needy and clingy, they twitter on and on and on about clothes and wanting a boyfriend, wanting a husband.... as if getting all that will somehow make them less pathetic...it gets old, fast. That being said, I love the show, go figure. It doesn't make me envy them, it actually reassures me that my meager little life is actually pretty kickass after all.

Thanks for the tag, Empress Jade Vintage! Back to you, eVintage Society!

Not Fade Away

Oh, Bo Diddley. B-Did. B-Dawg.







You'll be missed, homeslice.

Green Onions

Let it be known on this 30th day of May, with tidings of joy but mostly utter shame, that I am in fact, a reality tv show JUNKIE. Rock Of Love is my crack and Daisy you are one crazy ass loon. Bret Michaels, even though your show makes me want to take a shot of penicillin and a hot shower, why must you play with my emotions? See what I mean? I love me some crap TV. Remember when the Real World was totally awesome good stuff when it first came on a million years ago? Now there's a reality show on every 5 minutes and most of them are BAD NEWS BEARS. But not in the "aww shucks, well at they tried their best. What a bunch of little rascals!" kind of way.

Enter Celebracadabra, a wonderfully putrid show I just discovered, chock full of "celebrities" who you haven't seen on TV since choosy moms chose Jif. Guess who's on Celebracadabra? C. Thomas Howell- no relation to Thurston. I'm talking PONYBOY, bitches. A jog down memory lane, if you will:

Ponyboy then:



And while we're not even talking about The Outsiders, what makes me stabby about that movie is that even though it was about a bunch of young greasers, the cast looked more like they were supposed to filming the Karate Kid. I hate when costumers and hair stylists get it all wrong. HAPPY DAYS, I'm talking to you too. Tight bell bottom jeans in the 50's? Sigh. Fonzie, I thought better of you. You can go SIT ON IT sir, and take Leather Tuscadero's feathered Joan Jett hair with you.

Ponyboy now:



Hmm. I'm not sure how I feel about this. While C. Thomas Howell has aged ok-ishly, he looks like a creepy Mormon dad with 12 children whose names all start with the letter "B". No offense to Mormons. Or even the creepy ones for that matter. And on top it, he's really kind of a weenie on the show and not at all ponyboy-ish, which is the slap into reality that reality stars are real people too and how many more times can I say "real" in a sentence?

Ponyboy, I spill out my Colt 45 for you homie, and may your aging, creepy ass not keep me up at night any longer. Stay (sweatin' to the) Golden (oldies).

PS. Give Matt Dillon my number.