Friday, June 6, 2008

Smoking In The Boy's Room

This week we found out that the Small Fry's school district is going to start wearing uniforms this fall. This is a mediocre school district at best and he's not even in some fancy-pants Catholic school, but would be if we could afford the million dollars a month tuition. We are after all fancy and Catholic by default, and you know what they say about Catholic School Boys!....Yeah, me neither. The whole wardrobe thing wasn't an issue until those damn teenagers ruined it for everyone as they ALWAYS do, breaking the rules what with their Hypercolor tee-shirts and acid washed pleated jeans...or whatever it is that those damn teenagers wear these days. They're the ones the also made dancing forbidden here and we're awaiting the arrival of an out-of-town young whippersnapper to come and free us all from our mortal sin with his Bruce Springsteen cassette tapes.

You know how every school on the planet has banned peanutty products because the ONE kid in the school is allergic to them, so why not punish everybody from the earthly delights of the deadly peanut? Well in our mediocre school they serve PB&J Uncrustables as a lunch option which is about as nutritious as a plate of dirt, plus they're just plain grody. So what GIVES? There will be NO Z Cavaricci's in this school, but peanuts for everyone! Which makes me wonder what would happen in a knife fight between Mr. Peanut and Mr. Monopoly, since they're so similar and all. Perhaps Mr. Peanut is the bastard son of Mr. Monopoly, given their similar taste in old-timey rich prospector garb.




Are YOU an old-timey rich prospector looking for new garb? You simply must have a beaver top hat! You can get your very own vintage beaver top hat from El Catrin. And no, there will be no "beaver" jokes today.

Of COURSE there will, you don't know me by now?!

Rick: Dude, you should have totally seen what Tiffany did to me last night when I picked her up in my cherry new 1985 Camaro.

Brad: Probably sat on you face and gave you a Beaver Hat, huh?

Rick: Dude, how'd you know?

Brad: Because she gave ME a Beaver Hat last week when I picked her up in the Iroc-Z.

Rick: Buddy, high-five!

Brad: Score!

>End Scene<

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