Sick Leave

Hey, kids! Just checking in here to report that I should be back posting on my regular schedule this Sunday. I've been down and out, annihilated really, with the flu all stinking week. The flu! Apparently it's a "thing" going around these days. Who knew? I haven't been sick in over a year, so I forgot what great fun it is to have every inch of you hurt. My eyeballs hurt. My fingernails hurt. My hair hurts, even. Sonofa!

Anyway, I hope none of you are battling the plague like I, but if you are, Nurse Manhands here will take good care of you.

Way-Out Wednesday: Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!




I'm sure by now most of you have heard the sad news of Elizabeth Taylor's passing. Fashion icon, style maven, Hollywood royalty, all-around goddess. But I'm not gonna dwell on the sad. You know how I roll when it comes to dealing with hard times or sadness or those pesky things humans called "emotions"- I lighten the mood with something out of the ordinary. Well, "out of the ordinary" might be too vague. I actually should say ghastly. So I guess the mood won't be so light after all. Hmm. At any rate, feast your eyes upon the crazy:




It's a baby. Sewn into the corner of a handkerchief. For no apparent reason other than to to torture the recipient of this special "gift" with night terrors.

Ok, I *get* that it's probably a baby shower thing, like a favor or something. But I mean, really. REALLY?!




Don't get me wrong, I freaking worship this thing. Creepy doll parts = eternal awesome. But as a party favor for the impending birth of a human? Not so much. However, the flip side of this hankie pretty much rules:




Bottoms up!



Vintage Pink Baby Crochet Handkerchief Plastic Toy Hankie is currently available to torture a loved one from Etsy seller Daisy Fairbanks.

Prints Charming Sunday: In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida

Welcome to Prints Charming Sunday!



Hot jumping jebus on a griddle, it's the first day of spring. Can you even stand it? I can't. I'm besides myself with jubilation and gid. Can you not tell? Seriously though, I'm just so glad snow and ice and flood-y basements are done and over with! Gone are overpriced shovels and cracked plastic ice scrapers and salty boots. Except... we have snow in the forecast here in the northeast for the week, so that sort of blows the whole shiny happy vibe to hell in a hand basket, doesn't it? But damn the snow, notwithstanding, it's spring nonetheless!*

To celebrate** this here first day-o-spring, I present to you this biblically fabulous Vintage 50's Garden of Eden Novelty Print Dress, currently available on Etsy from seller Revolving Styles:








It's not the greatest closeup, but can you see it's a scene of a nudie Adam & Eve with the snake lurking in the tree? Cute! Tree-hugging streakers and a suggestive, phallic reptile? Sounds about right. It must be spring.







* Side note, part 1: I've been wanting to drop schmancy words like "nonetheless" and "notwithstanding" on y'all for a while now. Impressed? I figured.


** Side note, part deux: who exactly literally celebrates the first day of spring? (Or the first day of anything for that matter.) Pagans? Ancestral witches? Ancient druids? Celtic warlocks? I must know who you season revelers are! I'll wait.

Way-Out Wednesday: Don't Meth With The Irish

Welcome to a special St. Patrick's Day edition of Way-Out Wednesday!




Celebrating St. Patrick's Day with green beer is for roofie-toting frat guys. Instead, why not class the joint up and toast with a good ol' fashioned mug-o-Irish coffee? Perfect. I have the recipe for you, here, on this Vintage Irish Coffee Leprechaun Linen Novelty Tea Towel:




Hot damn, do the Irish know how to party or what?! You may think that's a recipe printed on the scroll he's holding, but no. It's actually the directions to the meth lab off of Route 7 behind old man McMurphy's barn where our strung-out leprechaun friend makes the stuff. If you ask me, there's alot more to be said for Irish coffee if it makes you this happy.




(The secret is crack cocaine.)

Aqua Blue Heaven Friday: End (Of The World) Tables

Welcome to Aqua Blue Heaven Friday!



Upon waking this morning, I realized the day would play out like a 1950's cheesy sci-fi movie- The Flooded Basement of Doom, starring me and a now-underwater basement. If you haven't heard, the east coast is all doom-and-gloom/end of the world, thanks to a molotov cocktail combo of melting snow and heavy downpours. Joy. Hopefully everyone out there is safe and sound! (Maybe I'll check in tomorrow with a damage report, since there is a mother load of it. Double joy.)

So while I've got this gross wet basement nightmare to deal with for the rest of the day and night, it's only fitting that today's vintage aqua pick also has something to do with water- you know, just not cold, dirty and loaded with germs for the whole family!- this Vintage 50's Aqua & Olive Poolside Tables, available on Etsy from seller Funky Quail Vintage:

Way-Out Wednesday: Nightmare On *Your* Street

Welcome to an especially terrifying Way-Out Wednesday!




Today's Way-Out Wednesday banner is apropos, given the fact that we're dealing with clowns. Consider THAT your official warning, my friends. I know how much you all love clowns and are not all terrified by them. In fact, I'm sure you'd like it if every day was "scary-as-hell clown day" wouldn't you? Ha! I'm just kidding, simmer down there clownophobes, no need to panic. Yet.




Now you should panic. This is on a nightgown, people.





You heard me. A. Nightgown. What sort of lunatic nutbag thought these guys would be awesome to put on something that should, for it's very purpose in life, NOT give you nightmares?! If no one has hunted down the creator of this nightmare-inducer like the swine pig psycho that he is, someone should. Now.


Vintage 80's Scary Clown Nightgown is currently available on Etsy from seller Diane's Closet, for $10. A meager price to pay for a most excellently devious gift to give to your mother-in-law, thin-as-a-rail friend who can eat a can of lard and not gain weight, the neighbor whose dog insists on using your yard as it's personal toilet, or anyone else you hate.

Prints Charming Sunday: Fox Trot

Welcome to Prints Charming Sunday!




Usually I pick out something more...what's the word...fashion-y (?)... for our weekly themes, but today's vintage novelty print is so charming I had to show you guys! It's this really cute Vintage 40's Dancing Foxes Novelty Print Silk Scarf, available on Etsy from seller Loulou's Vintage:





I like that they look slightly sinister, like they can't wait for the song to be over so they can get to sabotaging each other. I wish I knew how to properly rock a scarf, so I could be all over this. I bet it'd look equally as cool if it were framed though, don'tcha think? (Also: how, precisely, does one spell "don'tcha"? Because that looks incredibly stupid and wrong.)