Saturday, November 15, 2008

Teenage Wasteland

What could possibly be MORE fun than going to the mall on a saturday night? Having teeth pulled, for one. Getting into an alley knife fight with Shaniqua and her posse from down the way is a good time. Eating laxative brownies, that's always a party. But I highly suggest not going anywhere near a mall on a saturday night, unless you like being man-handled and scowled-at by large groups of teenagers who think that you're not only old and lame, but also, quite possibly, "the man" who is bringing them down. I may be a lot of things: a jerk, pessimistic, a devastatingly fine piece of tail. But there is one thing I am not, and that is "The Man".

When you're a parent, there's only so many times you can keep using the "maybe next weekend" excuse and sometimes you have to suck it up and go to the mall on a saturday night to see Madagascar 2. I know, my life is a non-stop toga. Envy me. You're probably all "DUDE. Quite yer bitchin', so stinking what." But I failed to mention that it was also the first night Santa was at the mall, so not only were there the gangs of teenagers to deal with, but also the gangs of 2 foot tall, soggy and sneezing rugrats. Crying. Loudly. Because they all know something we don't. And that is that apparently Santa is pure evil and eats toddlers as appetizers before moving onto a hearty feast of babies. Don't get me wrong, I love kids. Just not other people's.

Long story short: the movie was funny and all, but jumping jebus on a pogo stick if it wasn't completely draining with it's Morals and Life Lessons. I don't go to the movies to be taught things. I go for the gratuitous sex, drugs and extreme violence. Which, I believe, is exactly what this country needs more of and not all this touchy/feely, "we're all winners" hippie crap. The world doesn't work that way in real life, no matter how much we pretend it does. The last time I checked, I'm not OK, you're not OK and I would not like to buy the world a Coke. And I'm pretty sure the world wouldn't drop $1.50 to buy me one either. But there were a few useless and therefore good scenes, such as the penguin who marries a hula girl dashboard bobblehead to Boston's "More Than A Feeling" playing in the background. And they think a little violence is twisted and disturbing.

In honor of our Madagascarian friends, how's about a little vintage of the same theme? Too bad, we're doing it anyway!

Vintage 70's novelty tee w/beaded zebra from The Vintage Bungalow:

Vintage 50's Simplicity pattern #4073 penguin costume. Or Susie's first Playboy bunny! Or Chester Cheeto! From The Pattern Shop:

Vintage 60's ridiculously kitschy caged lion novelty print from yours truly at Fast Eddie's Retro Rags:

1 comment:

  1. I cant begin to tell you what the last movie was that I saw in theaters, let alone on a Sat. evening at the mall. I havent been to a mall in quite some time. The only time I used to frequent one was when I worked graveyard shift at one of the bigger malls in town here scrubbing tile floors and what have ya while the rest of the normal world was asleep.

    Gosh, that job SUCKED!!! The only forgiving aspect was the fact that there were only 5 of us in the mall at the time, not also counting the rent-a-cop who didnt really like any of us.