Tuesday, November 11, 2008

We Built This City (On Rock & Roll)

* I know you're all "Say WHA? Giiirl, have you lost your mind? "We Built This City"?! Could you pick a lamer song, please?" But I promise there is a slight chance of significance for that song to be today's title, in which I will spin ye a yarn at the end of today's blog, so you can read all about it in a few minutes and quite yer complaining over the cheese factor of Jefferson Starship songs. Or don't read it. It's a free country. But don't get yer knickers in a twist, the story's not that good.*

Happy Veteran's Day! Today you really need to A.) Hug a veteran. Or smooch one. Hell, sleep with one for all I care. Blame it on patriotism tomorrow morning B). Give a veteran a 75¢ token for the New Jersey tolls. Say something like: "Please accept this token of gratitude, enabling you to leave New jersey for the day, mighty soldier of yore. Get thee gone! Away! And huzzah!", only with more drama C). Buy a veteran a Veni Vidi Vici Triple Mocha Latte Frappucino and then stand there and take it when they complain you paid HOW MUCH for COFFEE.

If you know a veteran, ask them all about the war. The old-timey veterans love telling their tales of the Great War- the new ones, don't love talking about it so much right now. Instead, tell the new ones how much they kick ass and get on with your day, you stinkin' ingrates. I've already high-fived a veteran today, and later, I'm gonna low-five one, if you know what I mean (yeah, I don't know what that means, either).

*When I was 10, I was already tall and gangly and my Mom thought dance class would make me graceful. It did not. We had a Veteran's Day spectacular (it was about as spectacular as a bunch of pre-pubescent girls with zero dance skill could get) and of course all the songs for the show were patriotic types. While everyone else got to dance to cutesy tootsy songs like "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy", my Dorothy Hammill-haired dance teacher thought doing a routine to "We Built This City" was "cutting edge". It was not, though did I mention is was 1986? Our outfits were the bomb, yo. Electric blue spandex jumpsuits with silver sequined tube tops underneath, a matching silver sequin headband and a red streamer. Word UP. Long story short, by the end of the routine all the silver sequined tube tops had rolled down to out waists (though I doubt anyone noticed) a few girls tripped on the long ends of the streamers and a good time was had by none. I still have the tube top and it fits, though it still rolls down. And still, nobody notices.


  1. cute story and yeah, if I bumped into a veteran today Id shake his hand and say thanks.

    My Grandfather (my Pa), my Moms father always liked to tell his little stories about WWII and I loved it. He would never get into yucky details, which was fine, I didnt wanna know, but I do know and have seen his collection of TONS of German "findings" he took off of dead soldiers.

    My Pa died a few years ago and man, do I ever miss that man.

  2. You can't tell me that "your veteran" wouldn't notice it if your tube top rolled down. Give him a big smooch and thanks from us for keeping us safe.