Saturday, January 10, 2009

Yes, We Have No Bananas

Yesterday I was on Twitter, randomly twittering about nothing interesting and boring the other twitter-ers, when a Twitter-er who lives in the western part of the US was talking about just picking a lemon off her tree. (Also, how many times can I say "twitter" today? Seriously, enough already.) That got me to thinking that A.) I wish I could pick a lemon off a tree here in the northeast, instead of looking at dead, freezy tree branches and B.) How nice and toasty it must be in the west and C.) I wouldn't want to live in the west anyway, what with California always spontaneously combusting and near-falling-into-the-sea and Jellystone Park also close to suicide and swallowing up that part of the US (and yes, I know it's not Jellystone, I just wanted to see if anyone was really reading this and would catch the retro cartoon reference and also, I just found out that there are real Jellystone Parks all over and I am an ass, because there are buttloads all over the east, and one right here in PA- how did I not know this? Oh that's right, I hate nature) and D.) Speaking of retro things and lemons, it also got me to thinking that kids don't set up lemonade stands anymore, all old-timey and whatnot. What gives?

Is it because we don't trust our neighbors, afraid they might spike the lemonade? Because I'd be afraid of that. The again, I also live in a craptastic area. In fact, I can see Interstate 80 from my backyard, that's how classy of an area I live in. (Don't be hatin', I know you're jealous.) If anyone is ever travelling across the US on I-80 west, let me know when you're heading this way and I'll send up a flare when you're close and you can roll out of the car, down the hill, across the wooded lot, across the empty lot and into my backyard. It can't fail! Hold the phone. Isn't there an 80's John Mellencamp song about an interstate running through someone's yard? It's just like that here, except replace the good people/mid western livin'/mullets and tractors/soda pop and hot dogs/Field Of Dreams/good times with robberies/cheap housing/hood rats and tricked-out day-glo Hondas. Hondas for crying out loud! So you see the similarities.

The point I took a long stinking time in a very stupid way to make is that A.) lemons are on my mind and B.) You can never go home again and C.) I have a hard time making a clear, concise thought in a short period of time and space. GOSH.

In honor of lemons today, I suggest you not only rock out 90's-style and listen to the Lemonheads (keep the angst, lose the flannel) or invest in some Lemonheads candy,


but also invest in some good, lemony vintage! Coming soon (this week!) to Fast Eddie's Retro Rags is this vintage 50's lemon novelty print dress, with rhinestone neckline! Even the biggest sourpuss will think it's sweet! (Good lord, that was cheesy as hell. Never again.)


You can't mess with these lemons, baby. (I don't know what means, it's just that kind of day.



  1. So proud to be an inspiration! I do travel on the interstates but we keep missing the east coast...but if we ever hit I-80 you're my first stop. I'll look for the flare.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. See that? You just never know where inspiration comes from! Who knew that one sentence you said would get stuck in my head all day? (But it's still no fair that you have that tree!) ;)

  4. You couldnt pay me to live out West and when I say out West, I mean CA. All the "beautiful people" live there. Def. not for me. Its also odd that you brought up that thing about "Jellystone" swallowing up a part of the US, I just heard about that the other morning.

    I-80 is just down the road from me.

    Eh hell, I just hate California. Yeah its a problem Ive been working on for years now.

  5. I love Leamonheads.
    On the other hand I hate summer so even though it would be beyond awesome to have your own damn lemon tree or orange tree (bush?), I would not want to live someplace where it is warm most of the time.

    Unless it involved a beach....and Clooney.

    BTW, I went to a huge estate sale last in year in like June, hotter then a MoFo and some smart little buggers had set up a lemonaide stand.
    Smart, I bought some.

  6. I love Evan Dando. Speaking of Lemonheads and all. Whatever happened to that hot mess of panty waist?

    PS, you have never even TOLD me about this dress. Colour (yes, I'm fancy and spell it like the cool brits, I'm high class baby) me offended.