Gin and Juice

How To Throw Up Your Gang Sign In The Suburbs:



East Side Housewives represent, beotch.




You know, it's not easy being a thug in the suburban 'hood these days, what with all the bundt cakes that need to be baked for the PTA fundraisers, the numerous phone calls that need to be made to the tennis court caretaker and to the mechanic who's currently pimping my minivan with tinted windows and gold rims. And someone has to instruct José how to properly groom the rose garden so that they can beat that bitch Mrs. Henderson's petunias at this year's Flower Fest. Do you know what it's like working 47 minutes a day, only to have to drive down the street to pick up your 2.3 children from soccer practice and come home to prepare a delicious and well-balanced meal of meatloaf and Jello surprise? It's exhausting. It is a hard knock life, yo.

And then there's our competition. Don't even get me started on our rivals, The West Side Homeschoolers. Those triflin' ho's are always steppin' to us, dog. Do you know how many times the East Side Housewives had to throw down with those fools through carefully-orchestrated dance battles to Henry Mancini jazz instrumentals and perfectly-timed finger snaps? Too many to count, y'all. And if those biznitches even think they're getting our blue ribbon Betty Crocker Pineapple Upside Down Cake recipe, oh it's on.