Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

You know how when you're Googling and you end up getting so sidetracked that it's an hour later before you remember that you were indeed actually using Google to look for something specific and not, say, free porn? I kinda figured you did. Well I was googling vintage 40's and 50's Lucky Strikes stuff, being as though I picked up a way cool 40's (WWII?) green metal LS cigarette tin for holding smokes and I want-no-NEED to find info on it, because it's so cool. Probably not rare I'm sure because I never have that kind of luck, but what the hell do I care, I'm so keeping it. Screw you, rare vintage smoking paraphernalia! Who needs ya anyways?

Wait, what? Right. So on Google I came across some truly righteous vintage smoking ads, but this one in particular was so grotesquely 70's that I forgot about my Lucky Strikes searchin' and had to show you. (I'm sure you vintage ads freaks have already seen it, as this image is out there a few times in the internets land, so bear with me if this is old hat to you)...Behold the worst and most confusing ad of all time:



Umm, huh? I mean really, WHAT? There's so much epic fail going on, I don't know where to start, besides the fact that she has an awesome 70's hair/makeup combo and a future-leather, baby oil tan that has probably been turned into someone's cowboy's boots in recent years. However. "Blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere." I can't....I just...can't. Blow what in her face, exactly? Yeah, yeah, I get the porn-a-rific implications of what should be on her face, but since when does a girl like that in her face, let alone smoke?! I was not aware that all a guy had to do was blow smoke all up in my grill and I'm supposed to obey him like I'm some kind of fricking "I Dream of Jeannie" fembot. Apparently my Stepford Wife switch has not been activated. But if it's not sexual, then what else can be blown in her face? Blow the leaves in her face? Blow a tire? I need to know, Tipalet Cigars. I NEED TO KNOW.