Monday, August 4, 2008

Put A Lid On It

Today I was walking into the post office and saw a truck in the parking lot with a dog sitting in the driver's seat with both his paws on the steering wheel. And while I may be half robot and not a fan of animals (they LICK their Special Places and then lick YOU?! That is not acceptable, no spit flavored with dog balls should be on my FACE), but I am also half human and found Dog Driving A Pickup really especially funny. So on my way *into* the post office the small fry was commenting on how superawesome that was and at the same time the owner of the truck was walking *out* and heard our conversation. Of course he made some typical old man-ish comment like "He really DOES drive, you know!" Har dee har har, I'm in no mood for the funny, old man, so BACK OFF. Can't a sister just MAIL her PACKAGES in PEACE, man?!

Can he not tell I am not interested in TALKING? Generally the international sign for No Interest In Making Small Talk is slowly walking backwards towards the door muttering random things like "Oh yeah?...Huh...weeell..ok then...", which I was DOING, but he didn't pick up on my social cues and kept talking. So he launches into his True Story Of The Driving Dog, describing a scene in a parking lot of the grocery store, his dog was again in the driver's seat and he walked out to see that the truck was moving, coasting backwards and hitting a couple parked cars as a result of his dumbass canine bumping the gear into neutral. He admitted that he jumped in the truck and TOOK OFF. (!) And I was all thinking "Who do you think you ARE, sir?" What if I was an undercover cop? You don't know me, I could CUT you. Or ARREST you. How dare you not think I am an officer of the law. How RUDE. I ought to write a letter to someone about this.

So long story short, I told him he needs to make his dog wear a seat belt (it IS the law for dogs in cars, is it not? No? Well I'm making it one starting....NOW) and perhaps even an old metal biker's helmet and leather vest like a Hell's Angel, just for fun and he completely stopped talking and looked at ME like *I* was the one on crack. Which I very well might be, but HE doesn't know that, now does he? He then mumbled the nervous "Oh yeah?...Huh...weeell..ok then..." speech that I gave him. Great, so now *I'm* the asshole, right? Which I generally AM, just not in this particular scenario.

The lesson here is: Humoring old people ends up in disaster. And if you must drive your dog around, for god's sake dress him like a biker.

Vintage dog prints! They're not doing wacky things like driving, but I'll forgive them for that. From Holly at Lucitebox is this 1950's dress & jacket set with PINK POODLES.

From Jen at Morning Glorious is this 1950's wrap skirt. Again with PINK DOGS chasing black cats. What's with all the pink dogs in the 50's? I don't know, but I LIKE it.

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