Trouble In Tinsel Town

I hate Pennsylvania in the spring. Really, it's quite gross here now. Why am I stabby you ask? You'd be stabby too if you were surrounded by gypsy moth caterpillars. But you're not because apparently The Plague of The Caterpillars is a northeast thing. East siii-eeed represent, dawg. They are EVERYWHERE, hanging from long strands from trees and you can't see them so they dangle on your head and you don't even know it until someone says "Excuse me, but did you know there is a caterpillar larvae in you hair? And also, do you have the time?". There's so many of them around here that you have to steer yourself around their little smooshed carcasses in the parking lot like a scene from Saving Private Ryan. Every 7 years they breed like gangbusters- actually, I made up the 7 years part but I swear there is some kind of urban legend of them hatching every X amount of years... or something...I don't think I'm making that up but I can't be bothered to fact check so let's pretend I know what I'm talking about and this is Very Official Newsbreaking Information.

They're NOT cute, my peeps. They're not mellow hookah-smoking, mushroom-eating, little dudes with British accents who ask you riddles. Just as annoying, though.



They're hairy and they'll cut you and steal your wallet if they had the chance. Ok, so they're harmless to people but overly hairy things are not genetically fit and need to be exiled. So sad Robin Williams, but off you go.

See? SEE?! Not cute! And they don't turn into pretty pink butterflies with bows on their heads but gypsy moths, people. MOTHS. And I'm pretty sure moths aren't so good with the vintage and the eating of said vintage so they must go. If there is a caterpillar trap I would buy many. I can invent one and make a jillion dollars which is precisely what I'll be doing tonight. That or rum and cokes, whichever is easier.



Now this is my idea of what larvae should morph into. Pretty pink butterflies with pink ribbons on a vintage 50's dress. From Calicovintage.



Hookah sold separately.