Saturday, May 3, 2008

Fly Me To The Moon

Men. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em. But I'm pretty sure that 99% of them can dress better. And I'm also pretty sure that the pants-at-half-mast, clinging-to-ass-undercheek-for-dear-life look hasn't been cool since Generic White College Guy started saying things like "shizzle my nizzle" and "Compton". I thought this trend hasn't been around since the glory days of Clueless, but apparently all the young dudes are still wearing their pants like that. And while I realise I sound like I'm 80 I DON'T CARE. That look sucks eggs, always did always will, no matter what Snoop says- and is only useful if you plan on doing some pretty major ass burglary, like stealing a 12 pound ham. And if you're not stealing me a meat product, then I say good day sir. I SAID GOOD DAY.

Whatever happened to the days when men dressed like men? When did it become OK to wear baseball caps indoors and Miller Light pajama pants to the grocery store? Why don't men light women's cigarettes anymore or do any of those Little Things that Gentleman Do, like they did in the 40's and 50's? When did women allow their men to go out in public looking like hobo douche bags? And why was I not consulted first?! How dare this happen without my consent. Trixie, take a memo. Time to launch Operation Black Magic.


It's never too late for a guy to dress a little more swellegant, you know. Skinny tie? Check. Pork pie? Check. Pinky ring? Duh. While wearing a sharkskin suit to go to the Quickie Mart may be overkill, it wouldn't kill you to wear a jacket and button-down shirt once in a while. Unless the jacket had hidden scorpions in the pocket, then it'd kill you.

It's the little details that count and I swear we chicks go crazy cuckoo for them. And not *just* me but Extremely Hot Chicks With Big Racks Just Like Me *everywhere*. Cuff links. Cabbie hats. 2tone shoes. A wild 40's tie. Just not a Hooters tee shirt. When in doubt, repeat your mantra: "What Would Frank Wear?". Know it. Use it. Live it.

Swanky clothes. Love them. Buy them, Wear them.

Smoking jackets good enough to actually smoke in, but even cooler to wear out. (And if I hear "Halloween", "Hefner" or "Bosstone" you will fear The Wrath of Kim.) From my stash at Fast Eddie's Retro Rags.

Not just suspenders. But vintage 40's Stork Club suspenders, people. STORK CLUB. Get with it. From Dorothea's Closet Vintage.

Records or martini olives? Depends on how many jack and cokes you've had I suppose, though I'm favoring olives. No, records. No, olives. No, donuts. OK, olives. From Morning- Glorious.


  1. Love it. LOVE. IT. And my other favorite phrase from that movie: "macho shithead."

  2. yeah, I think I can pull the Frank look off pretty darn well if I wanna, but I am much more of the Dickies/Mike Ness type lookalike. I know, I worship the man, Im an effin fucktard, I am, just go talk to Ang. about it. She'll give you the lowdown on my obsession with Mikey boy

  3. Oh yeah, speaking of that broad Ang, you and her should be sisters! Your writing styles so mirror each other, its fucking hilarious. Im just starting to get into your blog and it rocks my socks off lady! God, that was fucking cheesy...

    I love that kitten with all I have to give and Im pretty stinkin happy she has such a good, level headed pally like you.

    I LOVE wearing pinky rings, try to everyday. The one thing I do truly hate about the whole Ness/greaser thing is just that...the damn grease. I use Royal Crown hair dressing to slick it all back. Ava will touch my head and go "Eww Daddy your slippery and greasy!"

    Ive ruined many a good pillow cases with that damn shit in my hair...I cant get it all out of my hair for days if I take a break from it and when I do try to tackle it, its Dawn Kitchen soap for me....nasty, huh???

    thanks for letting me ramble.....