Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Freaks Come Out At Night

It would appear as though I have a mouse in my house- more specifically in the kitchen, as if the mouse KNOWS that's the grossest and most disgusting place he should be hanging out. I'm a country bumpkin, born and raised in the middle of nowhere surrounded by cornfields, so things like mice and spiders don't bother me much-- but it doesn't mean their existence in my world should continue. Sorry PETA, but some critters just have to GO, survival of the fittest and all that. I'm big, you're little. I'm right, you're wrong, MOUSE. Now if this guy was a swingin' little bugger, throwing swanky cocktail parties in the middle of the night, I wouldn't mind and in fact would probably get up at midnight just to hang with his mousey party people. But this is a mouse of the dirtbag variety. One who poops. On my counter, behind the microwave. So now his life of eating toaster crumbs must END.

I'm not even sure WHY there's a mouse in here- it's the first time I've seen anything alive in this house in the 4 years we've lived here, thanks to the numerous horny stray cats that prowl in the vacant lot and woods behind my house, and they take care of little critters in the usual ways that cats do. Not the Stray Cats. If THOSE Stray Cats hung out in my backyard, the 8 year old would be in heaven as he's been cuckoo for them for years, with Green Day in second, also in heavy rotation on his CD player. Though I'm not sure how I feel about that just yet. Plus, you bet your ass I'd be charging admission for people to see the Stray Cats in my back yard, batting around a mouse in their hands and smoking catnip doobs, or whatever it is cats do with catnip, in between sets. A gal has to make a buck *somehow* these days, and if that means selling out, then by GOD I'm on it.

So anyway, what to do about that damn mouse. Humane traps? Not the way I roll, kids. The Ball and Chain set up 2 mousetraps with peanut butter on them, because apparently mice sneaking swiss cheese off of traps is urban legend that Walt Disney started. So I bought these traps from CVS for stupid cheap, but I think you get what you pay for. Woke up this morning to see that the little bastard licked the peanut butter clean off the traps, and the damn things never set off and sprung into neck-snapping action. So either CVS makes shoddy rodent-catching devices and will get a strongly-worded letter from (probably not though, I'm kinda lazy in the angry mob way) or the Ball and Chain is just an idiot. It's probably the latter.

I really can't stand Mickey Mouse, never liked the bugger, even as a kid. The voice, the merchandised, overpriced crap and of course, an entire evil empire dedicated to what is basically a small rat. But I would totally rock this vintage 60's sweater(although I think it seems a bit older than 60's, don't you? But whatever. You love it). From shannondzikas, an Etsy girl who I now think is pretty right-on, because she announces "I'm poor and crafty!" on her main page. Aren't we all.

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