Ok... let's see what I've written so far:
"Dear John,
By the time you read this, I will be gone. Wait. No, not like that! I'm not killing myself over you, you big dumb idiot. I mean gone to Reno! I'm leaving you, in case you're too drunk by now to figure that out, super genius. Remember all those nights I said I was down at the bingo hall with my sister Margaret? Yeeaah...more like we were working the night shift at the Kitty Kat strip club. You couldn't imagine how much a twin sister act kills around there! Why else would I come home smelling like Budweiser and rage? Furthermore, how did you think I was able to buy us the luxuries we've had around the house, like sliced Wonder bread? You actually think your pitiful workers comp checks from that time an Acme anvil disguised as a bag of feathers fell out of a 6th story window onto your head are paying the bills?! I don't think so, buddy. Oh! And one more thing: you know how you always said that our little Johnny looks more like your brother than you? Yeeaah,...about that. We need to talk.
Sincerely,
Mary"
Yep. That about covers it.
Vintage 50's Sweater Pattern currently available from Vintage Pattern House.
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OMG, love it. that made me giggle so much.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha! How very very witty :-)
ReplyDeleteOh! I love that sweater and that color, too. The letter isn't so bad, either! ;-)
ReplyDeleteMan, I wish I knew how to knit or knew someone who did. This urge will pass, I'm sure. Until you write another post about some infamous knitwear. Imagine if I had the skills, I'd be known as the ridiculous sweater lady. I'm blaming you for encouraging my infatuation with knits!
haha