Way-Out Wednesday: Too Much Monkey Business

When chicks decide to indulge and buy something for themselves, they usually buy shoes...clothing...puffy unicorn stickers with googly eyes and Dr. Pepper-flavored Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers (whatever, I don't know, isn't that what girls buy?), but not me. I "splurged" ($10, watch out, bank account) and bought a huge lot of awesomely cheesetastic vintage 50's pulp fiction paperbacks recently, because I love to read and also I love to read garbage. So I started looking around for more but found a very, let's see, interesting strain of pulp fiction that is so bizarre that they had to become today's Way-Out Wednesday's theme.

The titles of the articles are not much different than the sleaze you find on today's mags, ("50 Things You Can Do For Your Man Naked." Really, Cosmo?) I think you'll enjoy these vintage 50's pulp magazines, all geared toward men, apparently, you know, what with names like "Real Men" and my favorite: "Man's Conquest." Zoinks!

(I didn't make each pic clickable this week, since all 4 magazines are available from one seller, Vintage Goodness.)




"Like wow, man, this shark is like, totally blowing my mind. Hey buddy, can you spare a dime? How about a sandwich?...Heeeey, like what happened to my reefer? And where did everybody go?...Hey look, there's a shark. I should ask him...Zzzzzz...Ummm, what?...Hey look, there's a shark..." Stupid beatnik surfer hippie got what he had coming.





OK, they really need to be better aware of the juxtaposition (1 billion Big Word points for me!) of their cover story titles. "Could You Handle These 10 Sex Situations" and "The Hippos Wanted My Blood" doesn't really do it for me. I'm pretty sure I could NOT handle that sex situation.





Why marry a virgin when you can get your sweet, sweet lovin' from a teat-pinching, sado-masochistic crab for free? DUH.





"Say, has anyone seen John lately?"
"Oh, he's just out back in the river, flogging his weasel."




"Too Much Monkey Business" by Chuck Berry.