Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Way-Out Wednesday: Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport

Do you remember being a kid on those perfect summer days, when you'd lay on the grass, staring up at the sky, doing absolutely nothing for hours on end, because you didn't have to and didn't have a care in the world, no bills to pay, no responsibilities and with no place to be except right there in the grass and just being 10? I miss those days. Especially when it's rent day. Then I really miss those days. Turns out I'm not the only one who gets all melty for nostalgia and youth, because just the other day I was talking with some friends about this very subject and it seems they all feel the same way: Being a grownup sucks. (Most of the time. Not during those "Jack Daniels" times. Then being a grownup kicks all ass.) But most of the time we'd rather take a day of Atari and Smurfs over a day of jury duty and parking tickets. Which brings me to one specific retro memory a friend brought up, and that was his love of Captain Kangaroo. I never watched a single episode of KC, and furthermore, it was just a bit before my time- (wasn't it a show that started in the 50's?) At any rate, this lead to a controversial (read: not at all controversial) and much heated debate (read: not at all heated) over whether that's true. I swear on the carcass of Snuffleupagus that I was a Sesame Street kid, and there isn't a moment that goes by that my family doesn't torment me with memories of me being terrified of the "Yip Yips". (Seriously, that's what they're called. Wikipedia is never wrong.)


Yip yip yip yip. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Brrrrrring! Book book book. Earth Book. Telephone! Hello? Hello? Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! See?! Who wouldn't hate that?

I couldn't even tell you the premise of Captain Kangaroo or what the hell the sucka did, except a vague recollection of him looking like Colonel Sanders(?) and there were puppets involved (?) and there was a moral at the end of the day (?)... or something? I'm just making that up off the top of my head. Puppets and morals and crap were involved in every damn LSD-inspired kid's show from the 60's and 70's. Damn hippies.

So in homage to those who seem to think Captain Kangaroos was thee man (I think Captain Morgan is a better man, frankly) I did, of course, find an awesomely bad Cap'n K thing of vintage. Terrifying, actually.

Sooo...I guess the Cap'n was the offspring of Satan and a Hawaiian luau suckling pig? Neat. I still don't get the fascination. But wait...

Oh sweet jebus! His eyes! They're...holographic? Ok, whatever, I guess kids like that sort of thing. I still prefer to be scarred for life by furry octopus aliens, but that's just me.

"Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" by Rolf Harris


  1. I can remember the Captain. I think I liked him as a child. I tell ya what though, you couldnt pay me to go relive my childhood years. Im fine with being a struggling adult.

  2. You can't re-do your past, that's for sure, but as long as you make the best of your adult years, that's all that matters!

  3. I was around for both and Sesame Street was waaaaaaaay better than Captain Kangaroo.

  4. Amen, brother. I'm glad someone else gets it!

  5. I was really little when Captain Kangaroo was still on (I have vague memories from 1976-77) and I must say I feel nothing for the Captain now, though my mom says I loved him. Now, Romper Room and New Zoo Revue - I can remember loving those shows. It goes without saying that Sesame Street was the best, though!