...On The TENTH Day Of Christmas...

...My true love gave to me, 10 Lords A Leaping...(leaping to send my blaspheming ass to the netherworld...)

Do you ever feel..."not so fresh", like you're just bursting at the seams with sin and guilt? Do you ever feel like you need to be absolved NOW, but just can't find the time or energy to do so? Do you want to be a better person, without all the pesky annoyances like going to church once a week for a whole hour?

Well look no further for absolution my fellow sinners, have I got the instant, karmic solution for you! Try the new Super Magic Happy Jebus 3000**! It's the religious purse for the gal on the go! Traveling door-to-door? Perfect for storing your stack of "The Watchtower" pamphlets!

And look! The Super Magic Happy Jebus 3000 has severed hands protecting it, so it does that praying for you!




BUT WAIT! There's MORE! Should you ever question your faith, have no doubt, for it will DEMAND you know:



In your FACE non-believers! God's #1! God's #1!

Q: Where did this itchy rash come from?
A: Christ is the answer

Q. Maury, I need to know who is my baby daddy?
A: Christ is the answer

Q: Who can I blame that I lost my job, got evicted from my house and had to sell my car?
A: Christ is the answer

See? It really works. The Super Magic Happy Jebus 3000 is just like a Magic 8 Ball, except you can't ask it anything specific...or yes/no questions...or any question where "Christ" isn't the answer. Otherwise, its just like a Magic 8 Ball!

You too can be saved! Super Magic Happy Jebus 3000 vintage basket purse is available for sale at Sweetheartville on Etsy for the low, low price of $20! A small price to pay for God's love.

**If you have any of these symptoms: are unwed and pregnant, covet thy neighbor's wife, are into bestiality, are a thief and/or a liar, have more than one wife, are Jewish, drive an SUV, are a terrorist, are a glutton, an unwed fornicator, fall prey to lust, anger or pride, or are human, then the Super Magic Happy Jebus 3000 may not be for you. We cannot be held responsible if you spontaneously burst into flames, are flogged in the village square or are burned at the stake. Few may win, results may vary.