Sunday, December 7, 2008

...On The SEVENTH Day Of Christmas...

...Seven Swans A Swimming...7 really boring-ass swans. Swimming. The excitement does not stop.

Seriously. I'd have a better outcome of sitting in the bathtub with a George Foreman Grill than trying to find anything remotely interesting about boring ass, stupid swans. Except that the Pilgrims ate swan on the original Thanksgiving Day feast, so there's that. Nothing like making a soup bowl out of the head of like, the world's most beautiful bird to make you lose your lunch. But at least you learned something today. Knowledge is power! So is a tasty swan drumstick.

I was set to scrap the whole damn swan theme for the day and just post one of those lame "7 swans a swimming" stock photos and call it it a day so I can get back to the Eggnog, but found some truly lame crap out there. Next to those horRENdous Anne Geddes photos of stupid babies dressed up in stupid swan outfits, the thing I found comes in second on the list of "Things I Found On The Internet Today That Make Me Stabby And Go Berserker". Someone's Grandma is going to make them a really
rockin' Xmas sweater with this patch. Either Grandma enjoys torturing you just for the sick pleasure of it, or she's been hitting the sauce again and it's impairing her gift-making skillz. And she'll secretly be laughing at you EVERY YEAR when your mom makes you wear the retarded 12 Days Of Christmas sweater when she comes to visit, so Grandma knows how much you love her crappy handiwork. My Grandma wasn't the cutesy make-stuff kind. She was more the "get me a straw for my Harvey Wallbanger and get out of the way, you're standing in front of the TV and your big head is blocking my stories. Damn kids." kind of Grandma. (Who said Germans were cold?)


Get it? 7 swans swimming in a pool?! That's hilarious. You're welcome. Damn kids.

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