You Dress Up For Armageddon

Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.



Y is also for yum. As in de-lish. As in scrump. What am I talking about, you say? No one's ever really sure, are they? But today I'm talking about CANDY! What with the Halloween coming up and all, I thought it apropos to give props to it. Another mini tribute to retro candy and candy from our youth. I'm "hommaging" my ass off lately, have you noticed? I should stop that.

1) Candy Buttons.
The idea works in theory, but really, they kinda suck. Paper would get stuck to the back of each little dot but you'd eat it anyway because you were a dumb kid and that's what you did.



2) Wax Lips.
What a stupid invention. "Good news kids! I bought you a hunk of non-flavored wax loaded with red food coloring #23 so you can gnaw on it all day until you get lockjaw for hours of fun! Yay!"



3) Pixy Stix.
I have a better idea. Why not just mainline pure, uncut sugar straight into our veins?



Makes a damn fine sammich, too. (If you don't know where this is from, you're dead to me).




4) Gum Cigarettes.
Not to be confused with those ripoff candy stick cigarettes, which were LAME. If your mom was cool, she'd get you the bubble gum cigarettes that had a little stash of white powder (powdered sugar I hope?) wrapped within the paper, so when you'd blow on it (I said blow on it), a little white puff cloud would come out like real smoke. Awesome. But leave it to those damn hippie liberal types to think bubble gum cigarettes were a bad influence on children. They ruin all my fun. I can honestly say that the memory of chewing gum cigarettes as a kid was NOT the influence it had on me later in life to smoke. Now the Licorice Crack Pipe is another story...



* "You Dress Up For Armageddon" by The Hives.