One Step Beyond

O is for Olive run through with an awl.



O is also for Oktoberfest.

Being from cold and grumpy German stock (shocking, that), one would think I should be all about Oktoberfest, but I sadly don't know much about it. I could google some info, but I have Very Important Things To Do. This Miller High Life isn't going to drink itself, you know. But what I do know is that the festivities include huge, gluttonous, Henry VIII-style feasts-o-food and beer you drink in steins. Which is much better than out of a paper bag in the alley. Naturally, anything involving mass amounts of meat, sauerkraut and lager means I am all in. I'm getting my "eating pants" on as we speak.

But no one embodies the German spirit more than...Salma Hayek. (?!)



I hate that you can stuff a muy caliente, hooterrific senorita like Miss Salma into a damn German dirndl and somehow it works. That bitch. She's so cute it makes my eyes bleed. She's so cute she makes baby jebus weep.

Here she is with big gay Karl Lagerfeld. At least, I thought he was, but seeing this picture of him sizing up her cans makes me question his intent. Maybe that's the super secret to being a straight male designer, just pretend to be super fabulous and super gay, this way you can ogle hot naked chicks and they WON'T think you're a creepy old dude. Just a fabulously gay old dude.




*"One Step Beyond" by Madness