Little Red Riding Hood

L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.



L is also for lantern.

As in the old-timey way and not the involving of a squash way. The "Extra! Extra! Jack the Ripper takes his 5th lady of the night in ye olde Whitechapel square! Local townsfolk are arse over elbow over rising price of leg o' mutton! Guv'nor Mulligan says black death is just an internet hoax!" way. That makes it all clear now, I'm certain. I know you're thinking "What the balls, KIM? You just did "lantern" of the Jacko kind a couple days ago. Have you gone MAD, woman?!" To which I would respond: "Why, yes. Yes I have". But there is indeed somewhat of a point, of which I take the longest road possible to get to, so simmer down, people.

The reason I'm thinking "lanterns" is because they remind me A): of being a kid when my nutjob hippie parents had a bunch of kerosene wick lanterns around the house for "just in case" and also they were excellent props at Halloween time and B) getting old sucks and autumn always makes me want to go back in time. But not to high school, nuts to THAT. (By the by, my 32nd- I mean 29th!- birthday is coming up in 3 weeks. Just putting it out there. Lottery tickets, beer and cheetos are the perfect gift, thanks so much, you shouldn't have). And anything that reminds you of being young and trick-or-treating again is a good thing, no?

Going back in time= no mod cons, which is mostly a good thing, I think. I'm probably in the 1% of people who thinks technology is a product of the debil and I skate by in life on the very basic of technology. Anyone over the age of 30 surely can remember the days long ago, also called the early 90's, when the majority didn't carry cell phones nor did we have laptops, let alone a regular ol' home computer- and we were fine. My cell is about 4 years old and doesn't have any schmancy gadgets, no picture-taking, no email, no interwebs, no GPS system. And it's fine. Though I wouldn't mind if it had, like, a turkey deep-fryer attachment. Even my computer is old, I haven't had any upgrades besides connection speed, I have no copier, no scanner, no faxer. And you know what? It's fine. My cordless home phone I distinctly remember buying from Kmart for $15 10 years ago. With a separate answering machine, no built-in voice mail. And it's fine. Although, a few of the buttons on it don't work anymore so anyone with a "3" in their phone number, you won't be hearing from me anytime soon. My motto is if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Make do with what you have, wear it out and fix it again. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure most of us can get by without a cell phone that automatically orders a pizza.

The point it, who gives a flying rat's ass about keeping up with the Joneses? They're probably more dysfunctional than you are. So they have next year's model of Cadillac Escapade and have a $5000 grill that can roast a pig in 2 minutes. So WHAT? Sally Jones is flying high on so much Valium she could put American Airlines out of business and Bob Jones has VD from banging hookers on his business trips. Why would you want to compete with that?

Reminding you of days past, when life was easier and cheaper. I can't stop myself from getting all southern belle/Scarlett O'Hara-y and have fainting spells when I see this circle skirt from The Vintage Peddler. It has old timey street lamps that LIGHT UP.




* "Little Red Riding Hood" by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs