Monday, July 13, 2009

Love and Marriage


"Oh, Patty? It's Tuesday night, you know what that means! It's "push the beds together night"!

"Riiight. About that. Not tonight, Ted, I have a headache. I'm tired. It's that time of the month. The meatloaf is burning. I'm playing bridge with the girls. I have to wash my hair. My nails are still wet. I have a Tupperware party to throw. The Valium is kicking in. I have post traumatic stress disorder...."

"Oh, really? Again, dear? Fine. I'll just take this copy of Jugs-- I mean "Popular Mechanics" down to the basement with me. I'll be down there for a while SO DON'T GO DOWN THERE AND CHECK IN ON ME!! What I mean is, you just get your beauty sleep dear, while I do... uhh... manly things. Right-o! Manly things! I'll be mowing the lawn. Changing the oil in the Hudson. Taking garbage cans to the curb. Meeting the boys for golf. Doing the taxes. Balancing the checkbook. Working on that darn Anderson account. Making beef jerky. Painting the rumpus room. Killing spiders. Just DON'T GO DOWN THERE AND CHECK IN ON ME."

"Golly gee, it sounds like you have a busy night, Ted. Well...goodnight."

"Shucks, I sure do, Patty! Enjoy that Valium....'Night."

"Love and Marriage" by Sinatra.


  1. Now I know why I've never gotten married. :-)

  2. Smart man! Now you can read all the "Popular Mechanics" magazines- *ahem*- without anyone bugging you.

  3. I just discovered your blog through the help of Retrospace....

    YOur posts are hilarious...they make me laugh out loud. This onewas especially funny!

  4. Well shucks, thank you! I'm glad you found your way here! I love having new people to torment with bad jokes.