Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Facts of Life


Is that so, Mr. creepy/sleazy 1970's English Lit college professor who smokes reefer with his students between classes in one of the students' dorm rooms and is all about being "the cool professor" so he tells his students to call him by his first name and is currently shacking up with Debbie, a 19 year old student in his "Shakespeare 101" class who happens to be as dumb as a bagful of hammers but boy does she wear those skintight Sassoon jeans like it ain't nobody's business and convinces her when he tells her he's leaving his wife of 25 years to be with her, but little does she know that he plans on dumping Debbie because he's gotten tired of her and is planning on trading her in for a younger model, an 18 year old named Candace who just moved here from the cornfields of Kansas to make her "big city dreams" of becoming a famous Broadway actress come true (but those dreams are broken when creepy/sleazy college professor breaks up with her, and turns to a life of cocaine and stripping, a la Jenny in Forrest Gump) when they go on their weekend getaway to his creepy/sleazy cabin in the woods in upstate New York and listen to Jim Croce on 8-track and get stupid tipsy on a box of wine and then they shag on the creepy/sleazy cliche bearskin rug in the front of the fireplace and afterwards, they both enjoy a satisfying Fact cigarette, that the previous owner of the cabin left behind when he moved out.

"The Facts of Life" sung by Gloria Lorin, lyrics in part written by Alan Thicke. Yes, the very one.


  1. Oh, Monkey, you do go on! I Brilliance...or just an overwhelming desire to slack and make up stories all day.

  2. The dude kinda looks a bit like William H. Macy to me. Anyways Kim, great stuff, you could almost visualize this as being some super cheesy "B rate" flick.

  3. Thanks, kid! It's so painfully cheesy, even for the 70's!