The Xmas presents are just pouring in here at my house- well, maybe not so much pouring as trickling, really...drip, drip, drip...Like Chinese water torture. Minus the Chinese...or the water...or torture. So it's not like that at all. OK, so I got a second present in the mail from another deranged friend, next to the infamous Zombie Bird of Doom. This one was from another one of my freaky deaky friends, Jen over at MomsPatterns. She sent me a fantastic magazine from the 40's, there's no cover and missing pages but it's probably one of those aimed at housewives, like "Ladies Home Journal" or "Get Back In The Kitchen And Birth Some Babies, After You Make Your Man A Chicken Pot Pie". One of the wonderful things about vintage magazines (besides the clothing I'd give my firstborn for- $2.98 for a rhinestone cardigan? I'll take 20, please), are the ads. Those wonderful, condescending ads aimed at us stupid, silly women. How dare we even be allowed to read? We are so out of line.
Behold some of the wonder and fun of being a woman in the 40's:
Why was she so nervous and unhappy in the first place that warranted her husband drugging her uppity ass with downers? Getting scrappy in my house? No way, bitch! Thanks, Dr, Nervine!
Even white girls get the blues. You know what's a "periodic pain"? Your husband, honey.
There better not be any single people taking this quiz, because it's for married folks only. Only married people have any concept of sex, don'tcha know. And as we all know if you're not married and have s-e-x, your neighbors will shun you, you'll have to say 4 billion hail Mary's and you'll be kicked out of the sewing circle. Remember that, ladies. Remember that.
But best of all is the fine print of the quiz:
You stupid, simpering cows. It's YOUR FAULT your husband is cheating on you. The homely housewife neglected her "special lady bits" and sent her husband into a tizzy and wrote a letter to another woman, so I hope she's happy now. Luckily, Lysol will prevent your husband from banging his secretary, apparently. Perhaps our lonely, loser wife should have an affair with Dr. Nervine. He cures everything!
For a change of pace, how's about he get his butt to steppin' and dry those dishes? This apron must have been invented by a woman. A man? In the kitchen? Oh, a girl can dream, can't she? (Dr. Nervine informs me that no, she cannot.)
(Cute-and-unrealistic vintage 50's apron for sale on Etsy. Click pics to get you to seller's listing.)
Posts
Seriously?
ReplyDeleteLysol in our lady parts.
I'd rather my husband have an affair with that trampy!HOR secretary at the office.
and I bet Dr. Mervin's remedy made you feel good since it probably had codeine or some other type of narcotic that we can't even get anymore...or it was just 100 proof.
hahaha I SO LOVE being a deranged friend of yours.. and for the record.. I'm PRETTY sure your mag bits were from all sorts of different ones?
ReplyDeleteSomehow, I knew you'd get a kick outta schtuff like that.. lol!
Now, where DID I put the Lysol?
Thanks to you, I need the Lysol to clean off my monitor, after I spit Mountain Dew all over it. Priceless.
ReplyDeleteDamn - that Lysol had to burn.... Thanks for the laughs!
ReplyDeleteAmanda (in Vermont)
I have seen a few "older" catalogs in my day from hanging out at a certain place too often and Ill agree w/ you Kim, they made those broads to look like modeling fools. Being a girl would pretty much suck as it is, (male double standards, monthly visitor etc...) but being a kitten back then would have sucked 10 times worse.
ReplyDeleteI honestly and seriously admire THE HELL out of all you ladies that can bust ass hard enough to make a living off of web sales. I wouldnt know where to start and Id last about 2 days. Seriously, you gals are really something to look up to IMHO.
HAHAHAHAHA these cracked me up - I've seen the Lysol ads before, some of them are even more explicit, and I wonder...isn't the smell of Lysol even worse??? I love that little apron, too.
ReplyDelete